The road less travelled

She walked slowly, still in shock. Her hands were shaking while holding her purse, the only item she had been allowed to take with her. The coffee she had just gotten from the cafeteria with her friend was still warm on her desk, lost in time in front of her photos of her family and the documents she had printed for the current case she was working on.  

The moment repeated over and over in her head. “we have to let you go”. Shock or surprise was not enough to explain what she was feeling; she felt betrayed, by her supervisor, by her team, by herself. 12 year working for a large company came down to those 6 words. Her manager had given her an envelope, escorted her to the elevator and when they reached the lobby took her id and key then had disappeared back into the elevator.

For the last 12 years, she had worked at the same place, learning new skills that were completely foreign to her but trying. Apparently, not hard enough she thought bitterly. She had made mistakes and tried to get through it but right now, walking to the train, she felt defeated and completely lost, this job had become her identity, her life.

“we have to let you go”. How would she explain that to her family?

After a few days, the shock wore off and she read through the package, she was getting money. Enough money to make her dream come through, a real job. Not just a customer service place but she could get a degree and get a career. She started the research on her computer, trying to not take calls from her family, dodging Facebook requests for what had happened.

The world was open to her. Nursing? no, Accounting? Boring. She went through personality tests, calculations of how she had before she ran out of money. Then there was the school; would she do online classes? Would she go to a fast program? A real university was 4 years and that was too much. Her time was split between coming to terms with what had happened, why had she lost her job; What did she do wrong and looking at the different courses she could take.

Finally, she started thinking about different career paths and decided on a 9-month course to be a medical transcriptionist. The money she had would be enough and the program was short, she could probably find a part time job. The program would start in 2 weeks, she took a deep breath and went to visit her family with all the information on the class she would take and her plan, they liked plans.

When she got to her mothers, she stayed in the driveway for almost 10 minutes. There would be questions and a lot of them. She sent a silent prayer to her dad who had passed away 2 months before. She was grateful he was not here for this, he thought (as did she) that she would retire in this job and retire in style. He would be crushed if he learned about her being fired.

The next two weeks were busy with planning her route, her new schedule and managing all her self-doubt. She was 43 years old, embarking on a new journey with what was probably a bunch of 20-year olds who probably did not want to go to college. What if she did not like the job? What if she was bored? What if she was as bad at this as she was at her previous job.

On the morning of her first class, she dressed casual; jeans and a t-shirt, a vest, tied her hair in a loose bun and tried to eat breakfast but her stomach was churning and she couldn’t help but have all those questions come back at her. She took a deep breath and hoped she did not have a panic attack at school or on the train over. She made her way to catch the train downtown and to her complete horror, ran into the manager who just fired her. Frozen in place, not in fear but in anger, she stared at her and walked back to the beginning of the train. There was nothing to say. “you ruined my life” but that wasn’t true, “thank you for this new chance at starting over again,” also felt like a lie. She found a seat and took deep breaths until she got to the terminal. After getting the biggest coffee she could find, she got out, GPS on her phone ready to take her to her new school.

It was a normal, sunny day. The temperature was nice, and the two-block walk was perfect and easy. When she got to the gate, she stares at the scene in front of her. There were students milling around, she was stunned that she was not the only person older than 20. Finally, she overcame her fear and walked inside, looking for the room of her first class A303. After a few minutes she gave in and asked for directions.

“you’re going to be okay, breathe it might help.” Said the woman, with a kind smile.

She nodded, followed the directions and found the classroom. She took a seat and the lecture started. Everyone had a computer; she took out a notebook and a pen and felt stupid for not being tech forward. She had an old computer at home, it was not even a laptop. Discouraged, she started taking notes. She saw several students recording the class and so she turned on her phone and pressed record.

There was only one other class that day, she did the same thing. Took out her second notebook, recorded the class and once it was over, she left the building and walked out to the streets and walked for quite some time. She was overwhelmed. The homework, the classes, could she do this?

Finally, exhausted, she went home. After feeding her cats and eating her supper, she decided to give it a shot. She sat down and listened to the recordings of the class, started the homework. She never remembered school being so hard but if she could make it through those 9 months, get a new job-wasn’t it all worth it?

In her bed that night, she decided to give it a month a see how she was doing. She could do this, she was not weak, she was strong and it took a lot to go back to school and chose a new career but she owed herself a chance at a real job, not just something she fell into. A career… a real one.  Worst off, she could always find another call center job.