1. Talking to Grass and Granite

Shook. Kevin was "shook," once again, just being here.

55-year-old Kevin Woodward sat in the grass before a well-established grave and lowered one red rose to the headstone in the Saranac Cemetery on David Highway in Saranac, Michigan. Over the many years, he went to many burials here; his family was buried across the street, but he would never get over this one. Although he would go on to have a productive life, he would never forget this loss.

“You know, it has been three and a half decades, and I still miss you,” Kevin said.

“I’m going to be a crazy old man now. The one that talks to grass and granite, aren’t I?”

Once again, as all visits here do, Kevin’s memory took him back to the greatest year of his life.

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1985

Sixteen-year-old Kevin Woodward worked at an outdoor concert venue in Atlanta, selling t-shirts for concert tours. It was a Friday night, and the band playing was Survivor, known for their hits "Eye of the Tiger" and their popular ballad, "The Search Is Over." Kevin's merch booth was busy, so his bonus would be pretty good this week.

A handsome man, a few years older than Kevin, took his turn in line at Kevin’s booth and asked to see a couple of the shirts. The tour shirt was black, adorned with a red grid and a green sound wave this time. It read "Survivor, Vital Signs," and on the back, the band members' faces were featured with the text "World Tour '84-'85."

"You’re Kevin Woodward," the man exclaimed.

"That’s what my name tag says," Kevin replied with a smile.

The man smiled back, and Kevin felt a spark from this interaction.

"It just says ‘Kevin,’ he jokingly responded. “We have a mutual friend: Melissa Harding."

"Oh yeah," said Kevin. "We hang out sometimes. Have we met before?"

"I don’t think so. I’m Randall. Nice to meet you. I’ll take that one in a medium, by the way."

"Well, now I have questions," chuckled Kevin. "That’ll be $30 even. Nice to meet you."

"Call me if you want to get together after," Randall said, flirting with Kevin. “I’ll answer your questions about the T-shirt.”

“The what? Oh, I meant -”

Randall opened his mouth and gave Kevin a ‘gotcha’ look.

"Okay," Kevin said as he took down Randall’s number. “You got me. I ..MIGHT...call you later.”

Kevin enjoyed a good flirt but rarely thought much of it. People were friendly—that was all there was to it, as far as he was concerned.

As the concert began, sales traffic began to dwindle. Once "The Search is Over" could be heard, the crowds started to leave the outdoor venue. During one of the slow periods at the sales booth, Randall reappeared. Kevin was the only one there, so he took the opportunity to greet him again.

"How was the concert? It sounded like everyone enjoyed it from here," Kevin asked.

"It was good! I thought you might be off work by now," said Randall.

"I’m in charge of this T-shirt shack tonight, so it’ll be another hour before I’m off," Kevin responded.

“Still gonna call me?" Randall asked.

"Maybe." Kevin winked at Randall. "If you buy another T-shirt."

"I'll take two more. What will that get me?"

"SIKE! Just kidding. You should hurry home and wait by the phone. Go."

Kevin’s flamboyant co-worker returned from a break and asked if Kevin knew Randall. "That looks like some fresh strange," the co-worker casually said, meaning the guy was hot and "do-able."

"What does that mean?" Kevin asked.

"It means you should go hang out with him and see what happens, Miss Thang," the co-worker replied.

Kevin couldn’t help but admit that he was intrigued. He was discovering things about himself, and this guy had a look Kevin liked. He was open to being gay but didn’t feel the need to identify as such until he had more experience or met someone he wanted to get serious with. It seemed worth checking out Randall to see if he could learn something from him and about himself.

Thirty minutes later, Kevin thought about Randall, picked up the receiver from the black wall phone, and asked for an outside line.

"Supervisor code, please."

"M-541," said Kevin.

"Thank you," he said, then heard a dial tone. He used the rotary dial to call the number Randall had given him.

"Randall, it’s Kevin Woodward. I have... T-shirt questions. Where should I meet you?"

Randall gave him an address that wasn’t too far away. "I have a few friends over, and we are just listening to some good music."

"Okay, cool. I’ll be there soon."

Kevin’s co-worker glanced at the handwritten address and said, "Someone feels like chicken tonight... Go, I’ll take care of this."

"Are you sure? I can stay," Kevin offered.

"Get it," his co-worker insisted with a very southern accent.

Kevin parked on the street in front of the house and knocked on the door. He felt nervous because he obviously didn’t know Randall or his friends. Randall answered the door and let him in. The interior smelled of burning incense. He offered Kevin a beer; Kevin politely declined. Randall introduced Kevin as they passed through the living room and headed to the back porch. They sat across from each other, close enough that their feet would touch occasionally.

"So, you have questions, you said," remarked Randall.

"Yeah. How did you connect me to Melissa when you saw me?" Kevin asked.

"She showed me a photo a couple of weeks ago and told me what you do. There aren’t a lot of jobs like that, so it was easy to figure out where you worked. When I saw Survivor was playing, and since I like them, I figured I’d buy a ticket and take a chance. Turns out it was the right venue."

Kevin felt flattered; he wasn’t used to being sought after in this way.

"Wow, okay," chuckled Kevin. "Mission accomplished, I guess. I’m here."

Randall was very handsome, one of those guys who knew what he wanted. He pulled his chair closer to Kevin, coming face-to-face with him, and asked, "I’d like to kiss you,” which seemed really fast to Kevin.

"Okay," Kevin smiled. This was his first kiss from a guy. He wasn’t ready for more than that, so he took a little longer, pushing some boundaries he didn’t expect to explore, but ultimately left that night hopeful and excited about what he had experienced.

"Fade to black," Kevin dramatically thought as his first experience revealed itself.

‘Maybe I should have experienced that with someone I was dating for the first time. At least I didn’t go further, I guess,’ Kevin thought on his drive home.

Kevin returned to his mother’s house at 5:30 a.m. on Monday morning. He tried to sneak into his room quietly, but his mother caught him.

“WHERE have you been!?” she demanded.

“I worked the concert tonight and ended up chatting with some new friends,” Kevin replied. “I’m drained, and I’m going to bed.”

“You are going to sit down and talk to me right now. I think you have something to tell me, and you’re going to tell me immediately,” she insisted.

Kevin’s best friend was Jessica Butler. She was Black, she was beautiful, and a total comedian. He could talk to her about anything. Jessica also worked at the same company, which was how they met. However, Kevin’s mother was convinced, without any objective evidence, that Kevin and Jessica were having sex. It was oddly frustrating for Kevin that his mom jumped to that conclusion, but he accepted that this was just how she was. So when he finally responded to her, she wasn’t prepared for the answer he gave.

“Mom, I don’t want to talk about this right now. I’m exhausted,” Kevin said.

“Spit it out. I’m done with all this sneaking around,” she demanded while fidgeting with the rollers in her hair.

With a deep sigh, Kevin said, “Okay. I’m gay. May I go to bed now?”

There was a pause before his mother began screaming, pulling out the rollers from her hair, and throwing them to the floor.

“Your brother told me, and I didn't believe him. But, it’s TRUE!? How dare you!” She entered a complete fit.

She ripped phones from their plugs in the wall, damaging all the cords. Every single phone in the house went into the trunk of her car. This kind of outburst had become normal in the household. Kevin got up without responding and locked himself in his room, hoping to fall asleep. Eventually, she would tire out and stop ranting, usually within ten minutes.

Kevin slept until around 10:30 a.m., and he had to be at work by 2 p.m. Since his mom wasn’t home, as usual, on a Saturday morning, he got ready to see his friend, who went by the name ‘Vay.’ Vay was 18 and beginning her transition into womanhood..

“Your mom had a hissy fit? What else is new in the wild world of sports?” Vay said. “Hey, I know what will make things right on Earth School.” She held up a flyer for Club Rio. “G&R is performing today, during the DAY, and it’s going to be an epic level of unsavory.” This meant it would be a show to attend because it was expected to be tragically bad, so bad that beer cans would hit the chain-link fence between the performers and the audience.

"Oh, I'm there," Kevin said. "Let's do this."

Kevin called work, and someone wanted his shift, so he went with Vay to Club Rio in Atlanta, located at the corner of Piedmont and North Avenues. Kevin had a terrible fake ID, but Vay knew everyone, so they didn’t need it to get in. G&R didn’t show up, which was probably for the best. Suicidal Tendencies performed in their place. The first lyric of their first song was, “I saw your mommie, and your mommie’s dead….”

"Middle of the day thrash. Alrighteethen." Vay said.

Kevin was home within an hour of his shift ending to keep his mom calm. Now she seemed to care about where he was when, for years, he had been on his own. Why was this happening now? He was surprised to see she was still upset when he arrived.

“I’m sending you to your father’s,” she said.

“What? I have a job here and two more years of school! Mom, what is going on?”

Kevin failed to realize that her relationship with her boyfriend was developing, and she wanted to eliminate any drama that could disrupt it. Ironically, her boyfriend, who was from a small town in West Virginia, was supportive of Kevin even after learning he was gay. However, Kevin’s mother wanted to avoid risks, so she sent him to Michigan the next morning.

There were no goodbyes; of course, he couldn’t give his workplace any notice. He called them from the airport to explain the situation, and they were very understanding. The whole town knew how his mother and brother were.

Kevin took a short flight from Detroit to Grand Rapids and landed at Gerald R. Ford International Airport, also known as Kent County Airport. His father picked him up, and although Kevin had spent time at the family farm over the years, this summer felt different from his past visits. His dad was happy to see him and pleased for the help he would inevitably demand of him. Kevin didn’t mind hard work; he just lacked an understanding of the demand levels this new life would bring.

"Hey, now I can stop paying half the child support," Charles Woodward bragged to his son, as if he ever paid in the first place.

The house smelled like old books, hot dog water, and burnt wood from the well-used fireplace, and Kevin found it more cluttered than ever when he first walked in, which had been about three years ago. He unpacked his belongings in his room and got to work on the parlor. A hole was cut out of the ceiling, disrupting the ornate plasterwork. Shards of plaster lay on the wool rug below like sharp knives. His engineer father had decided that cutting a hole in the ceiling would magically make it warmer upstairs. A carburetor was being worked on on the coffee table, which had clearly been there a while.

A few days later, Kevin received a card from his mom that was several pages long. He had never seen a card with so many pages before. It was deer-themed, and about every fifth word was double underlined to emphasize how strongly she felt about the message she interpreted it to convey.

“Whatever, deep-feeler," he thought, and put it in the trash can.

Life was about to move very quickly for a southern city boy in a small country town. He quickly got acquainted with Joyce, as her farm bordered his family’s farm. This connection led him to meet Sarah, Mary, David, and Reby.

"So, how do you feel being in Michigan? It must be quite the change from Atlanta."

Kevin wanted to connect with new friends, but the transition had been wild for a few days.

"If I had to sum it up in one word, it would be: 'SHOOK.'"