The Sleigh of the Sea

Content Warning: Contains some sexually suggestive themes and language.

The warmth of the fireplace she sat next to in the atrium and the mocha hot chocolate in her hand was almost enough to curl her pursed lips that had not cracked a smile since she sat foot on the festive cruise ship about an hour earlier. Embarkation was about to take place and all the other passengers were out on the deck bidding farewell to the shoreline already several drinks in, determined to make the most of their beverage packages. Not Lucy, she was sitting alone rethinking her decision to come alone on this cruise meant for two. The planning had been in the works for nearly a year already when September rolled around and Lucy’s best friend announced she was expecting. Lucy’s heart both leaped and sank out of joy for her friend as well as out of fear for what this would mean for their girls’ trip. The due date was end of February and there was to be a shotgun wedding of sorts in January, Lucy to serve as the Maid of Honor. After some discussion, the plan was to keep the cruise as scheduled; they just scaled back the rigorous excursions and cancelled the drink package. As Lucy sat there, sipping her virgin mocha she wished they hadn’t done the latter. After further inspection of the cruise line’s policy of boarding women entering their third trimester, it was decided for them that her friend would not be joining after all and Lucy was left without a companion aboard The Sleigh of the Sea, a Christmas cruise drifting toward the fjords of Norway. 

Herds of sea goers filed into the atrium, taking up every stool at the surrounding bars as dusk had settled in along with the evening chill. Lucy had found her cozy spot and had no intention of leaving the fireside as she had a slew of holiday novels in her book bag. She pulled out a Christmas thriller, ‘A Murder on the Polar Express’, and got lost in it for several hours until most of the drunks stumbled back to their cabins. Figuring her spot was safe for the night, Lucy ventured to the Gingerbread Café to warm up her mocha which was still half full. On her way back she noticed a man accidentally bump a pile of miniature candy canes off the bar top and he bent over to pick them up. It wasn’t like Lucy to notice a man in the way she noticed this man, she was proper, wholesome even, but something had sparked a fire in her as she fought away one thought after another involving this gentleman’s derriere. The man stood back up, his own coffee in hand, and he tore open a candy cane and plopped it in his drink. He then ordered a shot of Peppermint Schnapps, for which the bartender mistook for a double, and two shot glasses landed in front of him. He popped off the lid of his cup, snatched up one of the shots off the counter and poured it in. At that, he spun around and met Lucy’s eyes, she clumsily spilled a bit of her coffee while adjusting both her line of sight and her body language as she flopped back in her chair. The man continued past her, seemingly without noticing her awkward ballet of embarrassment. Once he was out of sight, Lucy shot back up out of her cozy armchair, dabbing at her coffee-stained pants with a napkin, and marched to the bar without hesitation. She grasped the second shot that remained on the bar top and added it to her own drink, snagging several candy canes as well as she pivoted back toward the fireplace. She gulped down several helpings of her Schnapps mocha on her way back to her seat, feeling the alcohol almost instantaneously as she had missed both lunch and dinner that day. She sat down to finish the last few remaining pages of her book, but it was taking her longer than usual as her focus kept drifting elsewhere. 

It was early the next morning when Lucy woke up with a kink in her back. It was a good spot to read, but not to sleep. She meandered her way passed the already crowded gangway, full of people headed for their sunrise excursions, and she arrived at her state room for the first time and unlocked the door. It was an interior room, so it was dark even though the sun was beginning to breach the horizon. She flipped on the light to reveal the tiny room with a tiny night stand next to her queen bed. The bed was made, but not the way she liked it. The remote to the tiny tv was on the floor and there was no animal shaped towel awaiting her like the ones she'd when scrolling cruise trends on Tik Tok. Lucy shuffled off her shoes, undressed and hopped into the shower. She was not in the mood to go to her first planned excursion on her itinerary, a nature viewing boat tour. Instead, feeling the hunger from the previous day's missed meals, she headed to the café for some breakfast and was finally able to turn the last page of her book which revealed the protagonist’s husband as the killer. Lucy closed the book and her eyes glazed over the last of her crepes and up at the intricately decorated café. It was impressive, even the buffet stations were made to look as if they were covered in frosting and gumdrops. As she scanned the rest of the room, her heart suddenly dropped as she saw her Peppermint Schnapps and candy cane man, this time when their eyes locked, neither glanced away. He wore glasses and a festive baseball cap and had a big beautiful red beard; those were the first things she had really noticed about him north of his belt line. Her eyes then fell to his chest, and then his hands, and before they could fall any further, she saw the ring. He was married. He flashed a grin, scanned his Sleigh Card at the register to pay for his meal and headed out of the café. Lucy’s heart sank even further, wishing so badly he hadn’t been wearing a wedding ring. The sight of that band on his left hand didn’t halt the thoughts that came rushing back into her head, even stronger than before, she was entangled in feelings with a married man. When Lucy returned to her room, she knew she needed to do something to take her mind of the ginger bearded man. She reached into her book bag and rifled through her selection of seasonal books, settling on a cheesy Christmas romance, ‘Sleighing Singleness’.

The day had nearly passed as it was just past 4:00pm and she noticed her stomach was rumbling again. She picked up her phone and scrolled through The Sleigh of the Sea’s app to check the hours for the restaurants. After noticing she had a specialty restaurant pass that was loaded onto her account, Lucy browsed her options and chose to dine at Teppanyaki With Frosty. That single decision to get up and actually take advantage of something fun that was offered on the ship sparked something within her, a fresh outlook on the remainder of the cruise! She wanted to make the most of her time, solo or otherwise. She put on a gorgeous red dress with a plunging neckline in the front and a Christmas bow tied in the back along with some festive earrings to match. She walked into the restaurant boldly, drawing eyes from several men in the room, who’s wives matched their husband’s gawking with their own glares. Lucy scanned the room and found her seat at the end of a group table and glided towards it. Part of her was actually hoping she would have a third run in with the mystery man, she no longer fought off the thought of him, ring or no ring. Lucy made small talk with the couples at her table, as they delicately quizzed her, trying to solve the mystery of the breathtaking outfit and the empty chair beside her. Their uncertainty remained as the chair never filled, and the evening went on with the chef's dazzling displays of spatula juggling, shrimp tossing and even assembling an egg scramble shaped like Frosty! The chefs were dressed in white pants and white double-breasted jackets, fastened with three large black buttons, and of course they all wore a black top hat. As dinner wrapped up, Lucy looked up her itinerary on her phone and remembered that she had signed up for a book club that had already started. Her friend had insisted that she should do the book club when they originally signed up for onboard activities, assuring Lucy that she would find something else to do on her own. Lucy swiped over to her friend’s account, as she still had access to her itinerary as well. Scrolling down to the 8:00pm hour that was approaching she saw why it was suggested they separate on this particular evening. She probably assumed Lucy would never agree to go with her to a show at The Naughty List Theater. Her friend was right, it wasn’t like Lucy to do something like that, but tonight it wasn’t Lucy’s name on the itinerary, and she felt like a whole new person. 

Lucy strolled past the Library of Lights where the book club was taking place and she didn’t even glance in. She barely even took notice of the brilliant reds and greens reflecting through the window and illuminating the hallway. If she had stopped and peered in, she would have seen a red bearded, glasses wearing, exquisite bottomed gentleman having a lively conversation about ‘A Murder on the Polar Express’. Instead, she took the elevator to the 11th deck and scanned her friend’s ticket at the theater, arriving a full 20 minutes early, and grabbed a seat on the aisle near the stage for the show: Sleigh Balls Sing! An appropriately named, male-burlesque musical comedy show featuring every dirty Christmas carol parody you can think of. As the lights finally dimmed and the jingling of bells rang through the speakers, a spotlight shot on, revealing a shirtless man, wearing red satin boxer shorts, candy cane stockings, white gloves and a Santa hat! He was equal parts muscly and jiggly, not at all ripped like the 6’4” elves standing backstage that the women in the room had come expecting to see. He clearly did not belong. There was a moment of stunned silence, but then the lyrics to Sleigh Ride began echoing through the auditorium, "Just hear those sleigh balls jingling", and the half-naked Santa began dancing. Lucy felt something rise up with in her "Ring ting tingling too". She couldn't believe it what she was actually witnessing, "And women are calling yoo hoo!" as they could not get enough of the red beard and the dad bod that was stealing the show. This was Lucy’s fantasy man and she unexpectedly found it within herself to raise her voice above the roar of all of the satisfied women, "Giddy, yap, giddy yap, giddy, yap, lets go!" and his eyes locked on her. Immediately he hopped off the stage and marched directly towards Lucy. He extended a white gloved hand and she took it as the music rang on, "Giddy, yap, it's grand, just holding your hand". He helped her to her feet and headed for the theater exit as a dozen, confused, fortress-like elves began taking the stage behind them for the real show that was supposed begin with the 12 Days of XXXmas. Everyone in attendance was shocked, but no one was more shocked than Lucy herself, as she was willingly whisked off to this Santa impersonator’s stateroom for the night. "Come on it's lovely weather for a sleigh ride together with you."

When Lucy awoke the next morning, she looked at the stranger next to her in bed and then at the ring on his hand. She couldn’t believe it. He awoke with a grin and wished her a Merry Christmas. It was then he saw her staring at his wedding ring. Ashamed he looked at her and apologized, he’d forgotten to take it off. Lucy opened the tiny night stand next to her and pulled out a piece of paper and a pen, drawing a large circle on the page before handing it over to her one-night (before Christmas)-stand. She then reached back into the drawer and pulled out her own wedding ring and slipped it on. Lucy smiled at him and wished him a Merry Christmas with a wink. The two got dressed and headed down to their Christmas morning breakfast where they had reservations at the Winter Wonderbread Bakery, laughing all the way!

The paper that now rested on the bed had a large circle around rule number one of their roleplay:

The Sleigh Ride

#1 Married couples must become unmarried individuals for this role play, leave your wedding ring behind.

#2 Spend at least one full day apart, doing your own thing and fully immersing yourself and embracing in the single lifestyle.

#3 Find a way to put on a show for each other, go above and beyond with your appearance. 

#4 After three encounters, the husband initiates contact and whisks the wife away for sleigh ride.