The Intruder

She could hear the second hand, tick, tick, tick. As the large hand swept across the number 12, another minute passed. When will this be over, what am I saying, I don’t want it to be over, I just want everything to go back to the way it was a year ago, when I didn’t know my daughter was sick. Sara sat on the large, padded rocking chair, it faced a window which, in any other life, she may have appreciated the scene, but right now the ocean waters made her feel more than seasick. The sickness was from watching her child slip through her fingers and there was nothing she could do about it. Meghan just turned eight years old when the doctors found the tumor in her brain. It was too late, those words keep echoing in her head, they said it was too late.

“Oh, excuse me,” Sara’s inner thoughts fizzled like sugar dropped in water as she turned to see a woman pop her head in, but only her head, her body was on the other side of the door.

“Are you looking for someone,” she asked the intruder.

“I was looking for Dr. Turner,” the intruder said scanning the room.

“I’m sorry, they told me she might be in here.”

“No, I haven’t seen her in an hour,” she took a deep breath and stared out the window. The stranger sensed her pain.

“When I find her, would you like me to send her in?” she asked, mostly because she could not think of anything else she could do for her.

“No, she’ll be back when she needs to,” Sara said wondering why she said it that way, as if there’s no hope or reason to talk to the doctor.

“Okay, well…good-bye,” the intruder said and slid her head out of the room as fast as she’d arrived.

An hour later, Sara started to feel hungry. She hadn’t felt hungry in days, of course it had been days since she ate a real meal. Lately, her meals had consisted of water, maybe crackers and a bite of bread or fruit. When Meghan was awake, they shared meals, but that was three days ago. Now that she’s in a coma, or what the doctors called, an “unresponsive state” Sara hasn’t had an appetite. She walked down to the cafeteria and wondered if it would be bad luck if she enjoyed a meal or wondered if she could. There were not many people in the cafeteria, that pleased Sara, at least I can sit quietly and not hear mindless chatter, just my own thoughts. She selected a vegetable soup from the specials of the day with crackers and a water bottle.

She chose a table by the wall, she never liked sitting in the middle of a room, it made her feel like everyone was watching her. Sara looked at her cell phone as she was sipping on soup broth, she saw she had a few missed calls and texts from her mother and sister. It’s funny that Winston has not called, she hadn’t heard from Meghan’s dad in two days.

“Hi, I hope I’m not intruding again,” Sara heard a soft and apologetic voice speaking over her, she looked up.

“Hi again?” she said as if it were a question because she wasn’t sure if she felt like making her dinner a social hour.

“You can tell me to go away, but I thought you might want some company,” the intruder put her tray of food down across from Sara and slowly slid the adjacent chair out to allow her body to slide in across from her. The whole process was completed gently and swiftly. It didn’t really give Sara time to think of a reason the intruder should not join her.

“My name is Grace,” she smiled at Sara, but the smile was sad, not forced, but almost as if she didn’t smile, she would cry.

“Sara…my name is Sara,” she mirrored the same smile, but hers was maybe a little forced. She still couldn’t decide if she wanted company.

“My son is in the room next to your daughter. I hope you don’t mind, but I asked the doctor about your daughter. Of course, they wouldn’t tell me much, but I heard the nurses talking,” she confessed.

Sara didn’t know if she should be angry or not. “I don’t have time to be mad or wonder about why you would intrude on my life, is there something you want?” she said, shaking her head, her voice had all the signs of anger about to erupt.

Grace had to remember, they were both experiencing loss, not yet, but inevitable. “I thought you could use a friend, I know I can,” Grace said hoping Sara would not demand she leave her table. “My son is in the room next door to your daughter… he’s terminal,” the tears formed in the corners of her eyes, the word “terminal” is so final, so confining as if there’s no way out, and now that it relates to her son, it always makes her cry.

Emotion, no, any bit of emotion will cause me to spiral into a crying frenzy with no end. What should l do? I don’t want to seem unfeeling. “Do you need something, water?” Sara asked hoping it would be that easy to get her to stop crying.

Grace took a deep breath to help her grapple with her tears, “I’ve got some here,” she pulled a plastic water bottle out of her bag. “I’m sorry, it just that the word, you know the “T” word makes me so sad I find it impossible to hold myself together” she said, but it sounded like another confession.

“I get it, I guess I’ve been avoiding that word too,” Sara admitted and looked towards the windows to hide her own tears. For just a moment she thought, what would life be like without Meghan and that’s all it took, the tears were released, they slowly rolled down her face and fell into her soup. It could’ve been a comical moment if it wasn’t so sad.

The two ladies sat in the cafeteria for hours talking about their children, their hopes, and their fears. It was a night that Sara often thought about, it was the night she met the only other person in the world who completely understood how she felt. Grace stood next to her when Meghan took her last breath and Sara held Grace for hours after her son passed. The two women were united through the most devastating experience any mother should have to endure.

***

Tonight, is the third anniversary of the days their children left this earth. Meghan left on a Monday and Grace’s son, Jeffrey left two days later on Wednesday. They both entered the next world peacefully and unknowingly. That was what Sara and Grace were grateful for, they were not in pain when they left and never will be again. Sara picked up their children’s favorite foods, chicken nuggets and French fries for Meghan, spaghetti with meatballs from Tony’s Ristorante for Jeffrey and for Sara and Grace, lots of Cabernet.

“Hi, I just let myself in, the door was open,” Grace said walking into the kitchen where Sara was taking dinner plates out of the cupboard.

“You, intruding on my life is something that I’ve gotten used to over the years,” they both smiled as their eyes met. They each knew that losing their children was the hardest thing they would ever have to go through, but thankfully they had each other for strength. “Thank you,” Sara whispered and turned to close the cupboard.

“You know, Winston doesn’t even call me anymore. It’s like Meghan never existed for him. I mean I know we have no reason to talk, our life together ended years before Meghan left, but it’s like…” the sentence was stuck in her throat, it was just too hard to say the words.

Grace poured the wines, “It’s never going to be easy,” she handed Sara a glass of wine, the two ladies clinked their glasses, “To our children,” they said in unison.

“You know, my sister is always too busy with work, my mom lives so far, thank you for sharing this pain with me, it takes some of the heaviness away,” Sara confided in Grace.

“Thank you too my friend, you came into my life when I needed you the most and in each other, we found a sister” Grace said.

“Which reminds me, what are we going to do for Thanksgiving this year? Your house, or mine? I mean family needs to be together,” she smiled because she knew, though Meghan will always be close to her heart…out of darkness she found a tiny bit of light.