The Girl With Stars In Her Eyes

Trigger Warning: Death and psychotic illness and reactions.

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The doctors always told me that I was broken, that there was something different with my mind. I never believed them before I saw it…

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My name is Tara, I’m sixteen, I have one sister, two parents, and around thirteen psychologists, and four therapists. I have these dull green eyes, not bright leafy green, not insightful piercing green, no. Dull, sick green. I have choppy brown hair that curls, molding to the shape of my head. 

I would kill somebody for my sister. I would die for her. I would do anything for her, I never really understood what it was like to love somebody more than yourself. That was before I met her. She’s not biologically related to me, my mom couldn't make any babies after me, and even if she could she wouldn’t trust her genes for fear they would ruin another baby. But they wanted another kid, so sweet little Lucy lives with us now. It would never make a difference to me. I’m twelve years older than her.

We’re going to see an eclipse, it's supposed to be a flunk. So rare it was considered impossible. It's going to occur right above us. Everyone’s thrilled, but there's something off about me when I think about it. But it's always like that, I’m a little crazy. Sick.

I have a pretty awful case of psychosis, or at least that's what they told me. Sometimes, I just lose touch. A few hours ago, in math class, I was sketching what I imagined the eclipse would look like. A blazing ball of fire. Except not orange, this burning shade of black. My hand spasmed, and all around me changed. I was lost in the dark, but a different dark than nighttime. There was nothing, I had no sense of anything except an awful pain in my head. Lost in a pool of darkness. It felt like something was stabbing and clawing at my thoughts until it was simply shredded nothingness. It only lasted a split second, but my pen was broken in half, plastic shards in my fingers, I had stumbled away from my desk, but there was a mess of spilled ink on my page, a dark blot slowly sinking into the paper. I was bleeding black.

Sometimes, I cry from the hallucination, it rarely changes. Sometimes I scream, but most of the time I sit there in silence. Simply waiting for the end. I don’t think straight anymore either. Only Lucy kept me from going crazy.

She’s very excited about the eclipse, Lucy. Last night, she came into my room. Said she couldn’t sleep in anticipation of it. I pulled her closer to me, laughing lightly as we whispered about it. 

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I woke up from a dream, it was strange. I remember quite vividly walking outside, the green grass was almost painful under my feet. I was looking up at the sky, the world had gotten unnaturally hot, boiling my skin. Then, Lucy walked outside, she stumbled over to me, beet red from the heat. I cradled her in my arms, outside I felt like I was suffocating in the heat. But my blood was chilled, and my bones were frozen with frost. I looked up at the sky, the sun was shifting into a dark ink black that burned against a stormy red sky, and then it broke into thousands and thousands of pieces. I clutched Lucy below me as the sun came raining down on us. 

I woke up screaming. Mom ran in, but I couldn’t shake a feeling, it was strange. It was like a twisted dread, caught up in a manic craze. I could feel my eyes dilating as my mom got a therapist on the line. I curled up in a ball. The feeling is burning me. It had started happening a few days before the eclipse was announced, this feeling. It overtook me in my hallucinations, my nightmares. I shoved my hands into my short hair, gripping handfuls of it until my scalp started to scream in protest. Then I saw Lucy out of the corner of my eye, her scared eyes. The feeling snapped. Gone, I went limp, gasping for air as the fear from the dream released its grip on me. The world spun through my disoriented eyes, and then it went black. My brain blanked out, and the world faded around me.

I woke up again at noon, I hadn’t been awake for school, they had let me sleep. Lucy was curled up next to me. She was asleep, the back of her eyes were a pale shade of lavender when they were closed. I could feel myself trembling. Shakily, I put a hand on her head, she had a fever. I put my hand on mine as well, I had a similar temperature. With a groan I laid back down, slowly stroking Lucy’s hair. I laid with her just long enough to be sure that she was fast asleep before I tenderly slipped out of bed. I was still wearing my pair of cotton shorts and a light T-shirt. 

In the kitchen, I glanced at the clock. 12:43pm. Just around noon. Then I glanced at the calendar. It was a day later than I had thought, the seventeenth, not the sixteenth. I had been asleep for a whole day. I pulled out my phone, and there was a message from my mom, Call me. I typed in the passcode and navigated to her profile, where I sent through a call. I sat down at the table. I could feel a muscle in my head twitching, occasionally, my eye blinked without my control. She picked up.

“Hey,” I said.

“Hey, are you feeling better? Is Lucy alright.” She asked, her questions running from her mouth quickly. 

“We’re fine, you and Dad can stay at work, but, how long was I asleep for?” I asked slowly. I thought about what my psychologist had said. If you're ever asleep for too long after an episode, call us up, okay?  

“All of yesterday and today. About 32 hours.” My mom said something in my stomach twisted. Little specks of black peppered my eyes. 

“Alright.” I hissed through gritted teeth, and then I hung up before another word escaped my mom's mouth. 

I sat very still as the world rocked around me, I had been asleep for 32 hours. The eclipse was in four days, and I had a fever. I picked my phone up and dialed my doctor. He picked up after a few rings.

“Hey Tara, are you alright?”

“I had an episode, unconscious for 32 hours, and I have a fever,” I said quickly, my thumb dragged across my finger, violently, until it almost hurt.

“Alright, what happened directly after the episode?” He asked calmly.

“I was shaking, there was that feeling I told you about, and it hurt.”

“How did you calm yourself down?” He asked calmly.

“I didn’t, I saw Lucy and the pain went away, the feeling too. But I passed out. Now we’re both sick.” I said, forcing my hand to stop moving.

“Alright, it looks like it might have just been worse because of a cold. You should be fine, just rest. Are you excited about the eclipse?” He asked. I froze, my jaws clenched, and I felt sick.

“No,” I whispered sharply. 

“Why not?” He asked. 

“Because it's the reason I wake up screaming. Every nightmare, it's been an eclipse. In every episode, something about the eclipse triggered it. There's something wrong with the eclipse.” I said, my words rushing out quickly. Then, I heard Lucy moving around in my room. “I have to go, Lucy’s waking up.”

I hung up before there was a response, I put the phone down right as Lucy walked into the room. Her eyes are wide and innocent.

“Are Mommy and Daddy gone?” She asked me sweetly.

“They’re at work, I’m watching you today,” I said, forcing on a smile. A wide smile spread on Lucy’s face.

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I was sick for two more days, my episodes were more frequent, and I felt like I was slowly going insane. Finally, on the last day before the eclipse, my fever died off. I still feel a little sick, and sometimes I feel just a bit feverish. But that's mostly from the stress. Every five minutes I glance at the clock. Well aware that in about twelve hours, the source of some of my worst nightmares, my worst hallucinations, will be coming right to my doorstep. 

There were thousands of people coming to our little town, simply to watch the sun cover the moon in a way that was rarer than the predictable occurrence. I sighed, holding my hand to my head, the muscle in my head was twitching again. I jerked out of my seat, walking quickly towards the kitchen. I turned the faucet on, letting the cold water trickle over my hands. I felt the suffocating chaos slowly fade into a bearable buzz.

Slowly, I reached out, turning the faucet off. I heard giggling from Lucy’s room. Then the faint teasing voice of my dad. Here comes the tickle monster, look out! I hesitated in the hall, looking down to where I could find my bedroom. Then I glanced back at the living room, empty and quiet. Finally, I walked over and tenderly sat myself down on the cushion. The silence dimmed the buzz in my head. I could just close my eyes and breathe in the air slowly. I felt my eyes flickering, I couldn’t stop them when they blinked close. I felt my mind-numbing, the world going wonderfully quiet.

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I had never slept without a dream since two years ago. However, when I woke up enough to become aware of what was happening, I realized that I hadn’t had a single nightmare. My father was cradling me in his arms. Holding me closely. I inhaled the soothing smell of sweat and wood. His large hands gently ran through my hair. I leaned into his chest, relaxing, before I fell back asleep.

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I woke up with a strange feeling. Energy, and something even stranger. Security. I heard laughing from outside the room, probably in the kitchen. I slipped out of bed and walked over to the closet. Slowly, I opened it up and pawed through the clothes. Finally, I found a pair of jeans, a plain shirt, and a baggy cream sweatshirt. I quickly swapped out my pajamas for the day clothes, before walking out of my room. 

Lucy was chattering at an incredible speed. Holding a thick pair of eclipse glasses. I glanced at the clock, then I froze. One hour, the eclipse starts in one hour. Suddenly, the world froze. And everything inside me quickened. My heart rate, my breathing. Nobody had noticed me. Quickly, I turned around and retreated. Bursting into my room I looked out the window. I felt sick, one tiny fraction of the sky was turning storm-red.

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“We can’t be here for it! We have to leave.” I snarled, pacing back and forth. 

“Tara, I don’t know what you mean, you have to relax. I’m sure it's fine.”

“We need to leave!” I cried, my voice cracking in hysteria.

“Tara, the eclipse starts in ten minutes, even if we considered the option. We wouldn’t have time to leave.” My dad said quietly, reaching out to run his thumb over my cheek. I jerked away. 

I felt a small tear slipping down my cheek.  

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Lucy was outside waiting for me. I couldn’t force a smile on my face, even for her. Instead, I walked over and picked her up, holding her in my arms. She squirmed, giggling. I put her down, faking a laugh awfully. Then the sky began to change color ever so slightly, turning a light shade of red. Suddenly, the world rocked. I barely managed to set Lucy down before I erupted into thousands of flames. 

The agony was momentary, but I still resonated with it. The world around me was dark except for one girl. I didn’t recognize her. She had dark skin. Her hair was inky black, but her eyes enthralled me. They were a light shade of gray, just light enough to be mystical. In her eyes were specks of white. She seemed to hold millions of stars in the small pockets of vision that watched me carefully. She spoke in a soft voice, quiet.

“You’ve taken an awfully long time to come see me.” She said softly. Her eyes were shining with a manic joy, in a way. She looked just as insane as I did.

“Who are you?” I asked quietly.

“I’m who you were meant to be. A friend, but I don’t have any good news to tell you.” The little girl said softly. “You’ll be me in thousands of years. When the world sees the pain it will see today.”

“Lucy…” I said, suddenly sick with worry. “No! You won’t let it happen!” I said, my eyes sick with fear.”

“Shh, it’ll be quick.” The little girl said, reaching out and touching my arm. I looked at her eyes, shining with stars. A single tear fell from my eyes. And she wiped it from my cheek and put it on her tongue.

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I woke back up with Lucy crying over top of me, I sat up, looking at the sky. It was boiling red. My breath left my body, and I saw the sun. It was burning a dark shade of black. I threw myself to my feet. 

In slow motion, I reached out and clutched Lucy close to me. I held her close as I felt the world go cold. Then, in a single burst of impact, the world rocked. And everything broke into a thousand pieces.