Abstract Worth

The summer rain was torrential.

Aiden gazed at the sight of the concrete ground enveloping the tears of the cloud into its embrace. The sight was indeed mesmerizing but the feeling he felt contradicted it.

A failure.

That is what he felt like. He wished, he did not behave the way he had. He wished he realized earlier that it was possible to be in hopelessly love with the person whom they have hated their whole life. He wished he would have understood her and asked her if she had sinned or not. All he could do now was wish that he could change his horrendous actions in the past.

Aiden turned his heels towards the bed where the result of his actions laid, absolutely unware of the mental destruction she had done, lost in the world of where she was balancing between the sides of a seesaw. The decision of which side to choose depended wholly upon her. On one side stood the regretful loved ones that sat in repentance for every venomous word that was thrown at her while on the other side death stood joyously, ready to show her what life before and after would be.

Aiden looked at the clueless girl with eyes of pure love and guilt. The obnoxious smell of medicine irritated his nose but he was least bothered as the pain in his heart was much greater than anything he felt. Tears threatened to fall from his eyes, but he paid no heed to it and just let the salty moisture have its way. The distance felt unbearable; how far he had pushed her to the point her return cannot be assured.

Agony constricted his broken heart as he could do nothing but pray to the one above who could influence her decision into his favor. Never did he think he would find his hiraeth in her, he longed for her to return. Closing his eyes, he tried to remember few good memories of hers but his mind only flooded with her destroyed, defeated and tear stricken face. That is all he gave her, tears.

His mind went into flashback of all the moments he would not repeat when she returns home.

***

“So what’s your plan?” Julian asked looking at Aiden, who puffed on his cigar nonchalantly, taking in the nicotine, which made his head lighter than the clouds.

Aide turned his head to his friend who had threw a baffling question at him.

“What plan?” He asked looking at his friend

“You know...Sasha,” His friend said in an obvious gesture

Aiden rolled his eyes at the mention of her.

“Do you have to mention her and ruin my mood?” Aiden spat slightly annoyed

“No. It’s just that you guys are talking again right after your breakup with Nicole. So, maybe something sparked” Julian said showing a hint of reluctance

“No” Aiden blandly denied making the people before him furrow their eyebrows into deep valleys

“Why not?” A light airy voice spoke. Aiden turned to voice to be met by his best friend, Nathan who had worn a conflicted expression

“Cause there is no chance I am falling for my fickle ex. I am only using her as a pawn in the game to make Nicole jealous. That’s it,” Aiden said shrugging off the controversial question with a simplistic yet harsh answer.

Julian chuckled at his idea but Nathan had a rather disappointed, which did not go unnoticed by Aiden.

“Aiden, I don’t think you should do this. You will hurt her terribly,” Nathan, said trying to convince Aiden against his decision. The latter was however, devoted to his choice.

“I don’t care! She can use me for popularity and I can’t use her something as simple as this?” Aiden spoke feeling agitated at the support.

“How do you know its true?” Nathan countered.

“Nicole told me. Why would she lie?”  

 “She might you never know” Nathan said

“You better shut your mouth or I break it for saying foul things about Nicole for that girl”

Nathan looked at him intently for a moment before speaking again.

“What if you fall in love with her during the process?” Nathan asked making Aiden scoff

“I, Aiden Morgan, shall never fall for a fickle person like Sasha Kavinsky…” Aiden paused before saying his ending statement

“Never”

***

Sasha stared at Aiden who sat beside her absolutely ignoring her presence, which begged for attention. Her attention was taken by a couple which came out of the shop whilst holding hands and a number of shopping bags in their hands. It was clear that the guy had bought things for the girl considering the smile on her face. An idea popped her in mind as she ecstatically turned to the brown haired boy beside her.

“Aiden” She poked his shoulder

No response. The male was drowned into the small gadget. After poking him a few times, she was finally able to get a reaction out of him.

“What?” Aiden asked annoyed

“Can you get me that bag? It looks nice,” Sasha said with an intention to tease whilst pointing at a random bag.

“No” Aiden replied back blandly making her expression drop

“Stop acting greedy” He added further, making Sasha feel embarrassed.

“I was just joking” Sasha said letting out an airy chuckle only to receive an eye roll in return.

***

“A-Aiden please listen to me” Sasha scurried after an angry Aiden who was least bothered what the girl was saying and just went his own way.

“Go to hell Sasha! That’s where you deserve to be” Aiden let out

Warm tears made its way down her porcelain skin giving it a touch of crimson red just like a mixture of watercolor. Aiden fumed at the girls’ ability of running after him after the vile actions, which he assumed she had taken. Sasha caught his arm only to be pushed away

“Stop it! Just put an end to your rubbish and get the hell away from me,” Aiden said yanking off her arm.

“You have to listen to me at least right! I said I did not do it! Those pictures are all lies” Sasha screamed out her innocence, which was denied

“Quit lying Sasha! It makes you look even more pathetic. You were after my popularity and my money. You wanted to balance your sleeping partners and me. I won’t let that happen. Take my suggestion and just go to a brothel, that’s where you belong.” Aiden spoke with gritted teeth making Sasha’s walls break down.

“And remember you were just a pawn to make Nicole jealous, nothing else. I never felt anything for you. So you can go and die for I care,” Aiden said looking at Sasha’s defeated face before walking away.

Aiden felt contradicted. He was supposed to feel contented at her expression, but why did he feel his heart break?

‘Did I perhaps fall for her? Cannot be. She is the last person I can fall for, it’s not possible’ He thought to himself while ignoring the thought. He could not accept the fact that he could fall for Sasha, his ex whom he despised for her actions

Deep inside him, he knew that Sasha would never commit such an atrocious sin.

***

“I told you!” Nathan screamed out at Aiden

Aiden looked down to the video in his hands, which gave all the answers and punishments to his own sins. The sin he had done by hurting an innocent soul, which had nothing but pure love for him and expected nothing in return. Hot tears burned his eyes as he just helplessly stared at the black screen.

“I told you! Nicole was lying all this time! You didn’t bother listening to me, just too blinded by so called purity. Look what it led you to Aiden Morgan! You destroyed an innocent girls life!” Nathan said absolutely furious.

“W-What do I do now Nathan?” Aiden asked looking broken

He accepted it. He fell in love with the last person he thought he would fall in love with. Regret washed over his veins as he thought of all the dreadful things he had said to break that innocent flower.

“What do you mean by that?! Go find her and apologize” Nathan said as he began to walk to the door   

Tears finally feel like a stream down Aiden’s eyes as he looked down in repentance.

“Are you coming or not?” Nathan spoke with gritted teeth

Aiden rushed up and began to follow him. Soon they were all over the university campus looking for Sasha, but there was no trace.

Aiden head to the gates to ask the guard who stood there, if he knew something.

“I had seen her. She just headed out” He said as he looked at the picture

“Thank you! Thank you!” Aiden said frantically

“Aiden!” He suddenly heard a voice calling out

He looked into the direction to see Nicole coming towards them with a smile on her face, which he loathed now. Bitterness took over him as he looked away not wanting to waste time and head out of the gates in search for the one his heart longed for.

After coming a few meters, he finally spotted the brunette who walked with her head bowed down to the grey concrete. He knew she was crying and it ripped him apart knowing he was the reason.

“Sasha!” He called out making her halt onto her spot.

She turned around to look at the person who had called out for her. The moment her bloodshot eyes met his panicked brown ones, his features softened. As if their legs began to work by themselves, they began to walk towards each other until they stood in the middle of now desolate road.

“I am-” Aiden was cut off by a voice calling for him making him close his eyes in annoyance.

Sasha looked down thinking, it was just another of her insult sessions.

“Why are you talking to her?” She asked in a possessive tone as if she owned her

“I need to talk to Sasha alone. I would appreciate if you and your nosy nature will not interrupt us” Aiden spoke harshly

“Wow so you are going to behave like that with me for this scarlet woman? Do you not remember what she had done?!” She let out in a squeaky and enraged voice

“She did not do any such thing!” Aiden countered

Aiden and Nicole began to argue with each other but they did not notice the trouble coming, which Sasha did. Without thinking further, Sasha pushed Nicole followed by Aiden to the side of the road. The both fell from hard impact and Nicole ended up grazing her arm resulting in bleeding due to the rough concrete it brushed against.

“WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!” Aiden screamed at Sasha clearly not liking her actions

Sasha did not know what to do at that time and simply smiled at him. He rolled his eyes and turned around to Nicole who seemed to nagging about her minor wound.

“Are you okay?” He asked

Suddenly he felt and heard the fast air of a car pass behind him. Nicole, who was in front of him, froze as her face was painted with horror. Aiden felt his breath stop as he looked ahead absolutely frozen.

Sasha was still standing there…

Taking up all his courage, he turned around, only to be horrified by the sight. There laid Sasha lifeless as a pool of blood surrounded her and marinated her body.

Aiden felt as if, the ground beneath him disappeared into ashes. He chanted a mantra of pure denial in his head whispering the words.

“No….”

***

It had been almost three months since that incident but Sasha did not wake up from her coma yet. The doctors said she lacked will to live, which had led to her condition worsening. He spent these three months trying to convince by letting out his emotions, expressing just how much he loved her even though he doubted if she could hear a single word. He promised to himself and her that when she wakes up, he would be just the way she wants him to be. However, the response from her side clearly proved her hesitance, how much he had broken her.

He did not realize her worth which remained abstract until he is sent to verge of losing her.

The feeling itself felt surreal, knowing how he had denied to be in love with her. He claimed her to be the last person he would fall for. Now he begged to love her, to be loved by her.

Suddenly, he heard beeping of the monitor, which indicated that she was still a part of this cruel word. His eyes flickered between her and the monitor, which seemed to show that the waves of her heartbeat were becoming lower just like the low tides of the endless sea. She was being pulled to the endless abyss of darkness. Something he feared.

He helplessly called out for the doctor to help him, pull her up from the plain but luck was not on his side. The punishments for his sins were coming in the form of loss as he stared at the lines in the monitor fade into a line, despite the doctors’ efforts. The line eventually went flat with the doctor turning to him with an expression of pure sympathy. Tears streamed down his eyes, as he understood.

His flower decided to take comfort into the embrace of death.