Lost twice in my periods

As I sat on the rusty bench outside my house my midsection feeling bloated, Kamau my boyfriend played some silly game on his phone on the bench across from me.

Some people are just stupid. Plain David and Goliath stupid. Am here feeling rotten from my menstruation while he is busy playing.

Passers-by might have noticed my discomfort and mostly the bitchy look in my eyes. I guess they thought I was in some trouble or something stupid to that effect. But I am sure they didn’t notice my sensitive nipples that were straight out poking at the flimsy top I wore.

****

“You are a jackass, you know that? “I asked him my anger at its peak. I am not one for fights or that sort of thing but standing there in front of him my back aching I swear I would have whooped his ass.

“No am not! You should mind your tongue by the way. “He said desperately trying to avoid my gaze. He turned and started for the couch.

“Or what? “

Skimpy piece of shit that i don’t even know why I love you! 

The fact that he was cowering in my presence gave me some form of evil glee. I wanted to smile so bad to increase his misery but my cracked lips that hadn’t had a shade of lip balm in a whole day only managed some weird half smile. Definitely that wasn’t any better either. A menstruating, half-smiling angry girl with very long locks of hair that could strangle a man wasn’t in any way a nice site. I wouldn’t have liked to see me then.

“Wait are you having cramps? Oooh my God I knew it! No wonder the stupid foul mood and insults. Damn! I should have known. I should have gone to my boys to avoid this stupid thing about girls and especially your moods. You seem like you can have me for lunch! Grab the knife and get down to work Miss moody girl! “

Jesus Christ! He said all that to me? Wow. Just wow. He’s going to have the next few weeks groveling for a pass to pantyville or no pantyville at all. 

“You are a jackass, you know that? “

“Am not a jackass. How on earth can I be a male donkey? Don’t say that to me again! “

Typically Kamau is a soft-spoken dude who knows like all the jokes. He’s nasty too and very bawdy. Like so, so bawdy. He wasn’t rude and neither was he quick tempered but until some time before I hadn’t realized that he at times became a really ignorant jerk. I was still standing, my eyes boring into his skull while he continually pretended to fumble with the phone.

You might think that my cramps had begun that day but nope. It was the third day and the reason I am telling you about the third day is because it is the day we broke up with Kamau. Technically it was I who broke up with him. The fact that he was arrogant and pretended not to care was the reason. I had called him on the first day of my menstrual hell telling him to bring me some tampons and pads.

He had done neither of those. I couldn’t get them myself because I couldn’t. You know how the degree of something is always different for different people? It’s the same thing as with menstruation. My periods tend to be so painful that I have to use drugs and sometimes bed rest comes in handy. So nope I couldn’t.

He had gone on a two day road trip to the coast with his boys. Nope, he didn’t send someone to bring the tampons and pads. And worse still he ghosted me everywhere. Instagram, Facebook, Whatsapp and even Twitter as if I give a rat’s ass about Trump’s favorite app.

Don’t even think about it. It’s gross. Really gross. But the truth is that I was standing in front of him my thighs bloodied despite the constant showering since I wasn’t having a pad on. The fountain of foul menses.

We didn’t break up because he ran away to the coast for two days. It was because of another reason entirely. He actually was a soft-spoken cheat after all. He had a girlfriend and despite the enormous amount of time we spent together I was the sidechick. Hear that? A stinking sidechick!

It’s not that bad a thing to be one but there’s no way in hell or heaven I can agree to sharing my man. That meant I wasn’t going to fight for him. I was dumping his ass and anyway that is something I have perfected over time now. To be honest though I knew that one was going to be hard.

*****

“Whoah. Wait. So you are going to….. “

“To dump your sorry cheating ass? “Instinctively I answered myself. “Yeah. Of course. “

“Of course? No you can’t. “

“I can “

“No you can’t. “

“Yes I can’t.”

“Yes you can! “

He turned to look at me. So diminished now. He hadn’t seen that coming. Neither had I but you know, watching movies helps. It had then. The phone was now in the pocket and my girlfriend instincts coupled with hard evidence could tell me that he had had some grossly erotic time with someone who wasn’t me. I don't wanna dwell on that so back to action.

“You see? You said it yourself. I can. For starters why did you do it? I don’t blame your boys. I pity you for having stupid friends who post all their shit online. Seriously Kamaa? An orgy? And you were stupidly recorded? “

“It’s not what you think Jocie. “

Seriously? What is there to think if the evidence is plain as day? Jackass! Take your cheap lies to your girlfriend. I so regret loving you!Nope I don’t. 

"It's so not what I think. Maybe you can explain it to me. And be precise please “

“Jocie please. It was a prank. Some kind of dare me and my boys do every year during our road trips. “

“So you also say that you saying that you left ‘the stupid needy Jocie pouring mood juice from between her legs’ is also an annual boys prank too? “

I was no longer mad at him. The first time I had watched the video his boys had posted on Tiktok, I had cried so much. I felt so used and violated. To add to the misery my abdomen was on fire and unlucky me developed a terrible migraine. Standing there in my sitting room, I was as calm as I could and will always be. No anger. No hatred. No malice. No nothing. Just menstruation pain.

I swear if he had hugged me so tight then or kissed me, I would not have thrown him out. Instead he sat there on the couch staring at the floor. His fingers busy twirling and his rhythmic breathing unbroken. I love him and staring at him was affecting me. My feelings for him were having a fight to show but I knew he was a lost cause. A beautiful lost soul. The man of my dreams but I could never have him.

Fuck Karma! Tell him to beat it.

“You are a jackass, you know that? Your stuff is out by the door. Have a great time handsome

“You are something Jocie. I now realize what I have lost. Good bye beautiful. “

He stood up and planted the best kiss I ever had on my lips. I pulled him closer but upon realizing my mistake , pushed him away. He walked to the door and picked up his his stuff and went out the door. I struggled to walk to the door to at least see him for the last time but it was then that the pain between my legs shot up. I just slumped on the couch.

Adios my love.