Don't You Remember? part two

Three days later

I can’t keep staring at these photos. Every time I see myself in them I feel like crying. This is who I am, or at least who I was. 

This bored, angry girl, is who everyone will see when they look at me. 

Especially Jeremy. He hates me, and I’m not entirely sure I want to know why.

I tear my eyes away from the wall and walk down the hallway into the kitchen, finding a note with my name on it. 

Vicki:

(That’s your name, in case you forgot) 

Lila and Lily had a swimming lesson, and Jeremy has a D&D game, so we are leaving you home alone. Feel free to explore, but don’t go in Jeremy’s room, and don’t blow anything up. 

We should be home by lunchtime, but go ahead and feed yourself.

Love you,

Don & Seamus

I put the note down. Don’t blow anything up?

What kind of person do they think I am?

I realize that the person they think I am is the person I was. And I don’t know much about that person. 

I know she liked grey. I know she wasn’t into any of the fun things her family did, or maybe she was just pretending to be bored. I know she was a bit stuck up, and that her brother hates her. I don’t know why.

Suddenly not hungry, I go back into my room and close the door.

░▒▓▒░▒▓▒░▒▓▒░

A diary. I kept a diary. 

I sit staring at the book with the marble patterned cover in my lap. Luckily, it’s not locked. I open it to the first page. It reads, 

December 31st, 2018

My dads gave me this for Christmas, and I thought I would start with a New Year’s resolution. 

So of course, I start my diary on the last day of the year. “Brilliant idea, Vicki!”

Said no one ever. All my teachers think I’m stupid, or that I don’t care. Jeremy keeps trying to get me to open up. Honestly, I prefer the company of the eight year olds. At least they don’t talk so much.

Or are they nine year olds now? Those two are the only ones who were too young to remember their birthdays when dad adopted them, so we just say it’s the turn of the year. They’ll be nine by morning. 

Jeremy says it’s cool. I think so too, but to say that would be lame. Everything Jeremy does is lame, that’s why he’s a loser. Carol says losers exist to serve the rest of us and get in the way so no one’s life is easy. Carol is the complete opposite of a loser. 

Anyways, where was I? Losers. Right. 

Jeremy, Don & Seamus, my teachers, they are all losers. At least the twins have a quiet dignity. 

Oh, and Kyle is a loser. He keeps trying to get me to stop being friends with Carol. He’s just jealous because I’m cool now and he isn’t. Carol says he has a crush on me and is doing that pathetic whining thing that dogs do when you leave them on the side of the road. She says Kyle is ‘Lameness incarnate”. River too. 

Carol says that if I ever want to blossom, I’ll have to forget about them.

So. New year’s resolution. 

Forget about all the losers in my life holding me back.

░▒▓▒░▒▓▒░▒▓▒░ 

Damn. One page into my diary and I already hate the person I was. This entry was clearly before Jeremy hated me. Also, I seem to have alienated my friends for some popular chick I already hate just by reading about her. 

On the upside, I’ve managed to complete my resolution: I’ve forgotten who all of these people are. 

I skim through the rest of the year, looking for anything more about Jeremy and Carol.

On January 2nd, 2019, Carol was accepted for a part in a movie, leaving for filming the next day.

She kind of left me in limbo. That period of time was pretty uneventful, but on September 24th, 2021 she returned to school. And in November, Jeremy was no longer speaking to me. 

I open to the first day of Carol’s return.

September 24th, 2021

Carol’s back!!!

She walked into class this morning as if nothing had happened. It felt like she had never left!  

River and Kyle were super mad. Especially River. She hates Carol. I don’t know why, but Carol says she’s a total drama queen that overreacts to everything, so it was probably just a big misunderstanding. 

Carol and I hung out at lunch and talked about Prague and Newfoundland and Cuba and everywhere else she went for filming. 

It was so fun!!!

So I was a groupie now. Great. 

I flip through some more pages.

October 31st, 2021.

Halloween is tonight! I am so excited!

Carol says we should go as matching costumes. She’ll be Harley Quinn and I’ll be the Joker. River and Kyle are going as Netflix and Chill.

Sooo lame.

Lily and Lila are going as the twins from the Shining. The costume was their idea. I swear, those are some super mature ten year olds.

I dunno what Jeremy is going as, but Don is a surfer dude and Seamus is a rock star, which isn’t too far from what they usually wear. 

Nina Thomson, the third coolest girl in school is throwing a party at her house, and everyone's invited, even Jeremy. The twins don’t go here, but dads are taking them trick or treating so it doesn’t matter. 

I get to drive Carol’s car to the party!!!

Dad is making me take Jeremy with us. We’re gonna ditch him as soon as we can. 

I can’t wait!!!

░▒▓▒░▒▓▒░▒▓▒░

November 1st, 2021

Jeremy thinks I’m a bitch. He’s right. 

At the party, Carol got drunk. Like, really drunk. 

Nina had taken everyone out back for the haunted house, but Carol could barely stand, so I stayed behind. Jeremy stayed with me. Kyle hates haunted houses, and River stayed with him. 

So only the four of us saw what happened. 

River called Carol a slut, ‘cause of her outfit. 

Carol went off. She started saying these awful things about everyone, even me. Then she passed out. 

River started crying, and her and Kyle left.

Then Jeremy asked me why I hang around Carol.

I was kinda drunk myself, and that was the last straw.

I was so fucking tired of everyone going off on me. First my best friends for daring to hang out with someone other than them, then my dads for alienating my best friends, then Carol for all the awful things that she said about me, and I exploded.

Jeremy caught the brunt of it. 

I’m not even going to write down what I did. It’s too painful for me to think about.  

But I don’t know if he’s gonna forgive me. I don’t know if I deserve it.

I’m going for a drive.

░▒▓▒░▒▓▒░▒▓▒░

To Be Continued