Quest For Inbox Zero

Quest for Inbox Zero

Level 1 – Tutorial Mode

Stanley Ruggles had worked in the Accounts Reconciliation Unit (ARU) of Finitech Solutions for five years. That’s what his employee file said. But today, something was off.

When he woke up, he immediately tripped over his own feet getting out of bed, knocked his glasses off the nightstand, and burned his tongue on lukewarm coffee. This was not unusual.

What was unusual was the floating text he could now see in the corner of his vision:

OBJECTIVE: REPORT TO FLOOR 17 – “THE GRID”

REWARD: 100 XP + 1 BAGEL

He blinked. Nothing changed. He waved a hand in front of his face. Still there.

He tried speaking aloud: “Is this a stroke?”

Nothing. No voice answered, just a faint blip noise when he brushed his teeth correctly and a sad trombone when he put his shirt on backward.

When the elevator dinged at Floor 17, a voice echoed in his head:

"WELCOME TO THE GRID, NEWBIE."

The office lights flickered like bad mood lighting in a nightclub. Rows of cubicles shimmered in dull gray. Coworkers zipped past him, dragging wheeled chairs like chariots, shouting things like “Combo chain complete!” and “Deliverable critical hit!”

Stanley’s cubicle was marked by a glowing waypoint icon floating above it. When he sat down, a little banner flashed in his vision:

CHECKPOINT UNLOCKED – CUBICLE OF BEGINNINGS

Then, his monitor booted up and a tutorial prompt appeared:

Use ‘E’ to interact with objects. Use ‘Q’ to pretend you’re doing something important when your manager walks by.

Stanley pressed nothing. The system must’ve detected his hesitation because a sarcastic notification popped up:

PRO TIP: Try not to die in the break room. It’s embarrassing.

Level 2 – First Blood (Email Edition)

His monitor exploded with red alert pop-ups:

INBOX: 172 UNREAD

DAILY GOAL: Achieve Inbox Zero

BONUS OBJECTIVE: Don’t Cry

“Morning, Stan!” chirped his cubicle neighbor, Amy, a cheerful chaos demon in yoga pants. Her headset glowed green, and her desk was littered with energy drink cans and motivational sticky notes that said things like “You are more than a spreadsheet!” and “Lunch is just a side quest.”

“I’m working on a Tier 4 task chain,” she whispered conspiratorially. “If I can merge the vendor files and submit them through LegacyApp7 without crashing the system, I get an Epic Productivity Badge.”

She leaned in. “You still using keyboard shortcuts? Aw, you sweet analog meat-puppet.”

Stanley hadn’t replied before a loud LEVEL-UP FANFARE erupted across the floor.

Across the aisle, Greg from IT had just stapled fifteen reports without misaligning a single one.

"CRITICAL STAPLE HIT!" his screen declared. Greg stood up and T-posed in triumph.

Level 3 – Boss Fight (Middle Management)

Stanley was 32 emails deep when a shadow fell across his cubicle.

“Stanley.”

It was Lorraine, his manager. Her shoes clicked with the echo of Final Judgment. Her clipboard hovered over his head like the Sword of Damocles.

“Let’s talk KPIs.”

Stanley blinked.

DIALOGUE CHOICE:

Nod and make noncommittal noises

Mention ‘workflow bottlenecks’

Scream internally

Stanley chose option 3.

Lorraine kept talking. Words like “synergy,” “burn rate,” and “value-add ecosystem” slithered around his brain like smoke. As she turned to go, she dropped a final line: “Remember, Stanley, low performers get reassigned to the Basement.”

Everyone knew what that meant. No natural light. No Wi-Fi. No coffee. Just endless rows of scanners and one guy who only spoke in PowerPoint slides.

Level 4 – Loot Drop in the Break Room

Lunch was its own mini game. The vending machine had gone rogue again and was demanding exact change in ancient drachmas.

Stanley salvaged a questionable tuna wrap from the communal fridge (which now required two coworkers to turn a valve wheel in opposite directions to unlock) and sat in the break room. A pair of interns were playing Spreadsheet Sudoku on their tablets, trying to line up data rows that summed to corporate objectives.

He took a bite. The sandwich was 90% mayonnaise and regret.

Still, his HUD pinged:

You have consumed: Sad Sandwich of Minor Resilience (+3 Emotional Armor)

Level 5 – Skill Tree Unlock

By 2 PM, Stanley had unlocked several skills, completely by accident:

Passive: Desk Camouflage – Remain unnoticed unless someone needs toner.

Active: Caffeine Surge – Briefly double typing speed at the cost of logic.

Ultimate: Meeting Whisper Dodge – Automatically nod every 13 seconds and murmur “Let’s circle back on that.”

Level 6 – The Office Arena

At 3:00 PM sharp, the Office Challenge began:

A daily bloodsport known as “Syncpocalypse” – mandatory cross-department Zoom.

Everyone logged in. Cameras on. Smile engaged.

HR Karen spoke first, voice filtered through seventeen compliance layers.

Then came Brad from Sales, who insisted on using a voice modulator that made everything he said sound like Batman underwater.

Stanley’s own contribution?

“Totally agree,” he said, on mute. Then unmuted to say, “Sorry, tech issue,” and nodded furiously.

MISSION COMPLETE: Survive Syncpocalypse

REWARD: +250 XP, 1 Snack Credit, -2 Faith in Humanity

Level 7 – The Bug in the System

As the clock hit 4:59 PM, Stanley stood to stretch—and his vision flickered.

Everyone in the office froze mid-movement.

Amy was hovering a foot above the ground in a victory pose. Greg was stuck in a loop, endlessly walking into a filing cabinet. A floating tooltip declared:

SERVER GLITCH DETECTED – Reality May Be Unstable

Stanley waved a hand. No response. He stepped out into the hallway. Everything had gone eerily silent, except for the faint hum of fluorescent lights.

At the far end of the floor was a door he'd never seen before. It shimmered faintly, labeled only: EXIT INSTANCE

He approached, hand reaching out.

CONFIRM ACTION: Leave the Simulation?

Yes

No

He hesitated.

From behind him, Amy’s voice broke through the static. “Stan! You leaving before Daily Wrap-Up? That’s a -100 penalty.”

The illusion shattered.

Stanley shook his head, laughed, and walked back to his cubicle. He wasn’t being controlled. There was no player. This was real life.

And real life, unfortunately, came with wrap-up reports.

Level 8 – End of Day Cutscene

As he logged off his computer, the UI flashed one last message:

DAY COMPLETE – YOU DID NOT DIE.

REWARD: 5 XP | 1 Crumb-Coated Keyboard | Existential Dread (Persistent Debuff)

Stanley stood, grabbed his coat, and muttered to himself, “Maybe tomorrow, I’ll unlock ‘Enjoys Job.’”

The fluorescent lights dimmed behind him.

Fade to black.

GAME SAVED.

See you tomorrow, Player One.