Simmering Secrets

Rachel burst through the door and tossed her bulging bags of dirty laundry on the living room floor yelling, “Becky, I’m home. Come down and help me carry my stuff upstairs, you lazy bum.” Rachel was happy to be home for spring break, but also quite a bit nervous. She had a big secret, and she felt as if the weight of that secret had been burning a hole in her insides like hot lava. She would try her hardest to act normal for Becky even though she felt as if her brain was in danger of exploding.

As soon as Becky heard Rachel’s voice, her face lit up and she raced downstairs to give her big sister a hug. 

As the two of them embraced, Rachel asked, “Hey Becky, are you hungry? I’ve been dreaming of Patsy’s banana fudge ice cream ever since my last mid-term and I can’t wait any longer. Let’s go over now, my mouth is already watering.”

Becky warned her sister, “Oh my God, Rachel, you know Mom has a special welcome home dinner planned for you. If she finds out we went for ice cream at five o’clock in the afternoon, she is going to kill both of us.”

With a twinkle in her eye Rachel said, “It will be our little secret.”

Becky launched a mild protest for their mother’s sake, but the truth was she had been looking forward to Rachel’s homecoming for a long time and would go anywhere with her. The two sisters had always been close, and Becky had never gotten used to Rachel being away at college, even after three years.

The girls walked the five blocks to their favorite ice cream store, with Becky snapping pictures along the way for her Instagram story. She was proud of her cool big sister and wanted to make sure all her friends knew she was hanging out with her. Rachel pretended to be annoyed and started blowing kisses as if she were a queen greeting her royal subjects. Becky laughed, “Hey Sis, that just makes my story better.”

When they arrived at Patsy’s Ice Cream Parlor, Rachel asked for a table all the way in the back. Becky was perplexed, “Are we just feeling a little anti-social today or are we planning a bank heist? Either one is okay with me as long as I get ice cream.”

As soon as they sat down Rachel whispered, “Becky, I have something important to talk to you about, so I think we’re going to need sundaes, double whipped cream.” When the waitress arrived both girls ordered exactly the same thing at the same time and they both laughed; sometimes it was almost as if they could read each other’s minds. Their mom was always calling them by the wrong name saying it wasn’t her fault because they were basically the same person. While one was tall with blond hair, and the other short with brown hair, both girls had the same sparkling green eyes and mischievous smile.

Rachel began digging into her ice cream, savoring the rich flavor, moaning in delight to annoy her sister, and trying her hardest to postpone her real purpose for coming here. Becky began tapping her foot with impatience, saying, “Not that I’m complaining or anything, but what’s so important that we needed sundaes?” 

Rachel looked her sister straight in the eye and asked, “Rebecca, can you keep a secret?” 

“Uh oh, you haven’t called me by my full name in a long time so it must be serious. Of course I can keep a secret. We’re sisters. Let me guess: you’re pregnant, you dented dad’s car, you dropped out of college and joined a cult?”

Rachel rolled her eyes and said, “No, no and no.” She said, “Becky, I have something important to tell you and it’s big. I promised Mom I would never say anything to you, but you’re fourteen now and I want you to know.”

Becky’s hands began to shake as she stammered, “Rachel, you’re starting to really scare me. What is it?”

Rachel took a deep breath and softly whispered, “Becky, I am so sorry to have kept this from you, but we are actually only half-sisters.”

Becky’s eyes opened wide in shock. “What? That can’t be true. Why would you even say something like that? What is wrong with you?”

“Becky, it is true. I swear. Mom was married before, to a horrible man that hit her so hard he broke her arm in two places. When she discovered she was pregnant with me, she had the marriage annulled and ran half way across the country to get away from him. That’s why we live in New Jersey, Becky, so that Mommy could hide me. She said he doesn’t even know that I exist, and she wants to keep it that way.”

Tears sprang to Becky’s eyes as her mind went numb with disbelief. She wondered if it were possible for a teenager to have a stroke. She remained speechless for a full five minutes, gathering her thoughts and taking pleasure in watching Rachel squirm in her seat. Finally, with her heart racing, she shot out of her seat and spat out, “How could you keep a secret like this from me all those years? I’m so mad I can barely look at you Rachel. I feel so betrayed by you, by all of you. I can’t believe the whole family has been lying to me for my entire life. We should change our last name to Fraud.”

Rachel just sat there with her hands covering her face repeating, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry Becky. I thought about telling you so many times, but Mom made me promise not to. She said there was no reason to upset you.”

“Oh, we’re talking about Mom now. I’ll tell you a Mom story. Once I asked Mom why you are so different than me, with your stupid blond hair, and your stupid perfect nose, and your stupid amazing artistic talent. Do you know what she said? She told me it was a recessive gene. A recessive gene for God’s sakes and I believed her. Grrr, I am furious with the whole family right now, but especially you Rachel. I’ve spent my whole life trying not to be jealous of you. Why do you get to be the lucky, good-looking, talented one?”

Rachel could feel the blood rising to her cheeks as she yelled at her sister, “You think I’m the lucky one. Don’t you think I wish every single day that Sam was my biological father. I am so jealous of you. Sam is amazing. When Mom and I moved in with Sam I was around three and right from the beginning he treated me like he was my real dad. When Mom told me that she was pregnant with you, I started crying. I was so scared. I thought Sam wouldn’t love me anymore now that he had a real child. But he took me aside and promised me he would always love me because I was his real child. Don’t you think that’s who I want for my biological father? Instead, my bio dad is a jackass that beat up mom. I would give anything for Sam to be my real dad.”

Becky ran to the other side of the table and embraced her sister. She said, “I’m sorry, I’m such an idiot. I didn’t consider your feelings at all.  But you’re an idiot too. And don’t call him Sam, that’s creepy, his name is Dad. You know Rachel, it is going to take me about a hundred years to forgive you, and I am still fuming, but I am curious about your bio dad. Do you know who he is?”

Rachel closed her eyes and seemed to drift off somewhere. She said, “You know Becky, the day Daddy adopted me we celebrated right here at Patsy’s, with ice cream sundaes. That was a really great day. When I was around ten, I asked Mom about my bio dad and the only thing she told me was his name, Richard Riley. When I looked him up, I found his website; he is an artist, like me. I was shocked when I saw his picture Becky, because I look just like him, and it scared me. I was afraid my looks would freak Mom out one day and she would hate me, like she hates him. When I asked her about it, she told me not to be ridiculous; that she could never stop loving me.”

Becky replied, “Yeah, we really have great parents, or at least I thought we did until I found out they lied to me for fourteen years.” She then added, “By the way, I guess there was a good reason your bio dad’s mother named him Dick. She must have known he’d be one.” Then Becky’s face grew serious as she asked, “Why bring it up now Rachel, after hiding this secret from me for so many years?”

“Well Becky, I took a DNA test, and it turns out I have two older half-sisters. Apparently, they took the DNA test too and my name popped up as a half sibling. A couple of weeks ago they contacted me and I honestly don’t know what to do. They want to meet me. Mom would go insane if she ever found out I did this test because she never wanted Richard to know about me, and now there’s a chance he might.” Tears started pouring down Rachel’s face as she said, “Suppose he also wants to meet me? Suppose he never wants to meet me?”

Becky put her hands on her sister’s shoulders and said, “Rachel, you are so stupid. You have an amazing father at home who loves you and can’t wait to see you tonight and you’re crying over Dick? “

“Becky, I know I’m lucky to have Dad, and it might sound stupid to you, but there is a part of me that will always wonder if Richard could have loved me if Mom had given him a chance. Even though it makes me sick to my stomach to know he hurt Mom, I can’t help wondering about him. Ugg! I am going to need so much therapy after this.”

“Oh my God, Rachel. You think you’re going to need therapy? I’m the one who is going to need therapy. In fact, I think family therapy might do us all a lot of good.”

Rachel asked, “Becky, how you get to be so smart?”

Becky smirked as she answered, “I take after Dad.”

As the two sisters walked home, arms around each other’s shoulders, Becky asked, “So, are you going to respond to your make-believe sisters?” She then turned to look Rachel in the face, “I don’t want you to. You have hurt me enough already. I am your only real sister and I want to keep it that way. It would be awful if I had to share you with those fakers.”

Rachel smiled sadly, “You know Becky, I could never love another sister the way I love you. You will always be my number one sister. But I can’t promise I will never contact them, because I probably will. I want to. But I will tell you before I do, and I will never hurt you like that again. You can count on that.”

Becky said, “I guess I can live with that. It seems I have no choice. But when are you going to tell mom about the DNA test? She is going to have a cow when she finds out, actually, she is going to have a whole herd.”

Rachel replied, “How about we keep this our secret, just between us. Sisterly secrets. No reason to upset mom.”

“No Rachel. You’re doing it again. Don’t you get it? There have been enough secrets and lies in this family. Everyone has been tiptoeing around for years trying not to hurt each other, but it backfired and I’m the one that got hurt. Really hurt. It is going to take me a long time to get over this and I am not going to let you do that to Mom.”

“Right again, smarty pants. Now let’s go home and have that special welcome home dinner. We’ll need a lot of fortification before we have that confrontation with Mom.”

“We?”, Becky asked. 

“Yes, we. I can’t do it without my little sister.”