The case of the Golden Boots

Thomas had wanted to be a detective for as long as he could remember. He’d gone to ‘the festival of clues’ nearly every year it ran (which in 1993 it didn’t because of a missing magnifying glass). Yet despite now being a full-time detective in the bureau of mishaps and odd happenings, he’d begun to find his detective work rather boring.

There was that one time he’d been on the case of the missing cat, which wasn’t that bad. Then there was also the case of the 3 knives he’d help solve with his supervisor Jenny, and who could forget the mystery of the lost ham he’d solved himself last year.

Looking back at it, Thomas didn’t have it too bad, but if anything else he’d wanted to go on more cases as a team, not off alone by himself.

Back to the present, where even the most boring of adventures would appeal to him. Thomas had hit what the bureau called a ‘dry spot’. He hadn’t been nominated for a case to work on for over a month (which for him would be two months at the end of the week). To make sure he wasn’t just twiddling his thumbs. Jenny was forced to give him detective paperwork, and for Thomas, this was the most boring thing to do.

Hours spent sifting through speeding fines from car chases, and what felt like days answering letters about lost pets left him rather burnt out by five o’clock. However, Thomas was just about to have a stroke of good luck. BANG.

“Thomas, THOMAS! Quick look a letter came for you. You’ve been selected for a case.” shouted Jenny waving a bit of paper frantically as she threw open the door in excitement. Thomas, who had been staring out of the window, quickly collected himself, managing to look rather guilty until the words hit him. He’d got a case!

The next morning he arrived at the meeting place. The Cornwall Museum of Shoes, nine o’clock sharp. Almost half an hour before he was meant to get there. Despite this, he found two other people standing outside.

“Good morning. You wouldn’t be the fourth detective by any chance now would you?” said a rather tall man in a top hat with uncommonly bushy eyebrows.

“The fourth detective?” asked Thomas inquiringly

“Yes, well no one told us, but we’ve all apparently been sent here on accident. No one’s been given any information though which is all rather unusual. Oh Gosh. Mind my manners, I’m Bill Foresight and this is Samantha Jones,” he apologized motioning to the woman behind him wearing a brown fedora hat. However, she stood at arm’s length and was engrossed in a phone conversation so ignored them completely.

“Really. Er, oh well I’m Thomas, yes.” He spluttered out before going quite red. These two were the bureau’s top detectives. Well, other than Baron Bitter who was thankfully nowhere to be seen.

Thomas expected these two detectives would be getting almost three cases a week. No wonder they expected information on the cases before they got there. Thomas meanwhile was used to more or less having to drain it out of the witnesses or victims before he started his work.

The three detectives stood there for around forty minutes before anything interesting happened. He and Bill got into a lengthy conversation about twitching before eventually Samantha joined in and they started talking about the recent polls for the general election. Contrary to her introduction, she was actually quite nice.

As the minutes ticked by, they all got more familiar with each other. Which was good as they’d be working together in a few minutes. Well, sort of. Then at an untimely nine forty-one, the front doors of the museum burst open with a hive of activity.

“I’ve told you once before Baron. You can’t go barging into places without me or a representative of the bureau with you. That’s FINAL.” Ordered a man in glasses. He was closely followed by a rather eccentrically dressed, furious-looking man. The man was wearing a drapey coat that would’ve looked more at home on a lampshade, sported a hat far too large for any sensible dress sense, and had multiple long feathers poking out of not just his hat, but also his back.

“Well then, how about you let the thief get away scot-free? Do YOU want me in here solving your case sir or not.” hissed the angry man to the museum director.

“Well of course, but we can’t have complete disorder I suppose. It’s a crime scene, no?” He said unconvinced with his own explanation. Of course, he was talking to someone who goes to crime scenes for a living, so why wouldn’t he?

The Baron managed to continue the arguments as they got closer to Thomas Samantha and Bill. Two of whom were now wondering if they were watching a comedy show.

“Is that the Baron Bitter?” whispered Thomas dumbfounded.

“Oh yes, he was here ten minutes before you came and started banging on the doors to be let in. Quite the rude fellow if you’ve ever met him,” said Bill crossly. Thomas couldn’t believe it. Why was he being put on a case with these three famous people?

Despite reaching the other detectives, the Baron was still blabbering on about how exceptions needed to be made and that he was all rather important. Till Eventually, with the help of everyone and the museum director. The bitter Baron was made to be quiet so the representative of the bureau could speak.

“Now then. The director of the bureau has decided on this particular case, The case of the golden boots. You four, who have been chosen for outstanding work. Well, most of you,” he said sending a sharp glance towards Thomas. “Will work together.” he finished fastening his tie about importantly.

Everyone but the representative seemed displeased.

“Sorry, am I to take it that all this is a joke to you and your bureau? The GALL really, making up silly acronyms for the theft of our prized Golden Delilah dress boots.” said the museum director hotly.

“Well no we don’t mean to offend it’s just less of a mouthful that’s all.” Reassured the bureau representative looking like he’d been turned on in a meeting. Angry conversations ensued. None of the three detectives Thomas was working with seemed to enjoy the prospect of working together. Least of all the Baron, who was pulling out feathers from his hat and throwing them at an increasingly flustered representative.

By the time the museum director had wandered off and everyone managed to calm down, it was almost half-ten. So the four detectives who were meant to work together entered the museum. separately. Oh well, thought Thomas at least it’s a good experience.

Over the next two days, the four detectives began conducting their own methods of investigation. They all generally stayed working away from each other, bar a few vaguely successful attempts from Thomas to get everyone to come together.

He’d managed to persuade Bill to look for any odd things out with him, Bill was quite good at that. Then he’d got Samantha to part with her knowledge of technology and how it was used to disarm security systems, which was quite useful. Then at one point, he’d even tempted the Baron to aid everyone in identifying fingerprints. With his rather expensive invention: The Quick Fingerprint Analyzation Device Mark Two. All in all though, these three top detectives didn’t like relying on each other. So any collaboration ended up getting used by Thomas alone. Which he felt, was a bit of a waste.

At the end of Day two, the three famous detectives had hardly found a single lead or clue, and the investigation seemed to be going nowhere. So, by the start of day three. The four decided, mainly from suggestions of tea and pasties at Thomas’s expense, that they’d have a meeting to discuss what to do.

“It baffles me. I have no clue what to do about it, none of my usual methods are working truly.” Sighed Bill as they sat down in a pie shop.

“I’ll admit I’m unsure too. I’ve not a drop of an idea if I’m honest.” Said Samantha looking rather abashed.

“Well I don’t know about you, but I’m hot on the trail of justice.” Rebuked the Baron confidently. “Ahem, but I’d also like to know of any leads anyone has. NOT BECAUSE I DON’T HAVE ANY.” He shouted as though someone had told him otherwise.

Thomas meanwhile sat down perfectly comfortably and watched the three detectives hash it out before speaking up.

“Well then, if you’d all listen a second. I believe I know who did it and I know how we can prove it.” He said plainly.

“Really?” exclaimed the Baron, Samantha, and Bill almost in synchrony.

“Well hopefully,” he said with less confidence now the three detectives had their eyes on him. “let me explain. With a bit of your tech Baron. Your understanding of security systems Samantha, and your uncanny way of finding clues Bill. I think we’ll find the boots and prove who stole them.” He finished and then he told them what they’d do.

“Hoo-ha very smart,” chortled the Baron.

“That could work. Yes, it’ll work.” Said Samantha grinning.

“Well, I definitely wouldn’t have thought to do that. Marvellous,” said Bill. After Thomas had explained a little more and when they were all in agreement on what to do, the four got ready for tomorrow.

The next day, nearly everyone was called to the museum: The police, the representative of the bureau, the museum director, the owner of the museum, the media, a couple of townsfolk who’d managed to sneak in uninvited, and of course the four detectives.

Rather nervously Thomas took the initiative and began explaining the case to everyone. He’d tried rather fervently to get out of doing this, but all three members of the group had put their feet down and insisted he start the ‘big reveal’.

“Well, thank you for coming. I’ll keep this first part short. To put it bluntly, we have evidence to prove who stole the golden boots.” This sentence prompted the press and the townsfolk to gasp and start shouting questions so much that the police had to calm them down. After which Thomas carried on.

“Late the other night when the boots were reportedly stolen, the security system looked to have failed. However, after Mr foresight pointed out that some of the switches were meddled with. Mrs. Jones took apart the system, far beyond normal investigative regulation, and discovered tampering with the video storage. Which is where we find the first suspect. These taken-apart parts had fingerprints. Those belonging to the museum director.”

There was a pause for a moment and then an angry voice lit up the museum foyer.

“WHAT, THAT’S PROPOSTEROUS. A good joke. where’s the cold solid proof? Anyone in this museum’s staff might have their fingerprints on the alarm system.” Chuffed the museum director nervously.

“While that’s true. The video evidence wasn’t properly destroyed, thankfully. Samantha managed to get at the raw evidence. Not from the night the boots were stolen, but the day after. when we four arrived. The Baron had pointed out that no one but the director had seen the boots missing because of his convenient excuse. ‘To preserve evidence’. So with Samantha’s help, we got the footage showing that after the argument with us in the morning. The director looped around the building and stole the boots. I’d say he probably imagined no one would ever find the evidence since everyone thought the crime happened the night before.” There were quite a few loud mumblings popping up at this point, but Thomas wasn’t done yet so he plowed on.

“After this, we thought a while and realized one problem remained. Why weren’t the boots found on the director upon the inspection of the museum staff? There were only a few minutes for him to get the boots and escape before he was seen again for the rest of the day by the police. The answer? The boots never left the museum site. Or more specifically the car park. That is until the second suspect took them away.” upon hearing this news the whole crowd gasped and fell silent in unison. Any ideas of asking questions, now gone.

With this midpoint in the reveal, the police began pre-emptively surrounding the museum director. Who, now looked as though he’d given up and just stood on the spot like he’d seen a ghost.

While everyone’s attention now focused on the four detectives, however. No one paid mind to a man in a suit and glasses who started slowly backing towards the doors of the museum.

“The last piece of the puzzle was provided to us by Mr Foresight. He pointed out how unusually scolding the Director and Representative were to the Baron. Who is known for his, Well, er, less than professional manner. We fingerprinted the representative’s car which showed the museum director’s hands all over it. Rather odd, especially when paired with the representative’s prints being found on the security system.” Triumphant, Thomas let Bill wrap up.

“We conclude that these two meddling thieves have taken the boots. To prove it we advise the police to search the bureau representative’s home immediately,” said Bill strongly.

“ARREST THAT MANN!” shouted a livid Baron wildly pointing to the representative who now stood frozen next to the door.

The ensuing silence that followed this, was quite calm Thomas recalled. It stayed so for about half a second. No one moved, and it felt like time had stopped. Then, it all kicked off. The representative took 2 strides forward. Barged his way through the policemen guarding the exit. Then began sprinting down the street with the police, the museum owner, half the town, and the Baron hot on his heels.

What came next was known as the great chase of 2002. Where the accused bureau member managed to stay on the run for 6 hours and at one point made it into Devon. But that is a story in itself and has no more significance in this one.

“Well that went well, wasn’t sure if he’d buy that bit at the end about his fingerprints. Without his mad dash, we’d never get the courts to sign off on a home search.” Said Samantha.

“Indeed, a jolly good show. I do hope the Baron watches himself though. He’s already caused several car crashes this year alone chasing suspects.” Scolded Bill shaking his head as the mob disappeared about the corner.

“You know, now that I’ve met him. I’m surprised he hasn’t caused more.” Chuckled Thomas and they all had a good laugh as they escorted the deflated museum director to the station.

After the representative was caught and his apartment searched the next day. The golden boots were found sitting on his dining table. So, with both suspects caught red-handed the case was now solved and the four detectives were given an award.

“Well, who’s going to take it then.” declared Bill as they all sat around the table at the awards ceremony.

“Well I think there’s only one person if you ask me,” proposed the Barron.

“Agreed,” said Samantha and Bill.

“Good, me it is,” he concluded.

“HOLD it you,” said Samantha threateningly.

“Oh well alright. I suppose you did save the case. you do deserve it Thomas,” said the Barron turning towards him.

“What, me? I only brought your investigations together really; I wouldn’t have done anything myself.” Thomas said confused.

“Neither would we,” insisted Bill and Samantha, and for once the Baron nodded in agreement.

“Well, I don’t know what I should do really. Maybe one of you should just-”

“Oh go on before I do,” said the Barron smiling.

And so he did…

“Well done Thomas, top job indeed. Thought you had it in you when my daughter told me about you finding her cat. Quite the odd case that was. Just knew I had to recommend you for this job.” said the head of the bureau beaming down at Thomas before pinning the award for: ‘the most plot-twisty investigation’ badge on his blazer.

When the ceremony was over. Thomas reflected that despite being recommended for the case on the whim of the head of the bureau. He felt he deserved to go on cases now, instead of sitting about doing paperwork. Most of all however, he hoped the four of them: Bill, Samantha, and the Baron would work together again. It certainly had worked out this time and so why not again?

“Well, how’d you find that then,” said the Baron.

“Well I hate to admit it but it was a bit boring, there was so much sitting around and silence.” relented Thomas unsure if the others would take offense. To his surprise, however, they all agreed and laughed about how boring it had been before deciding to celebrate how they wanted. By going out for some scones.

“Hey, Maybe we could start our own detective agency.” Said Samantha as they walked down the street.

“Yes, that would be fun we could call it Scotland Yard.” -

“Wow, that’s a smashing name where’d you think of that.” -

“Just popped into my head I suppose.” -

Then, once they found a good café. They all sat down for some jam, cream, and scones. Jam first because they were in Cornwall.