The Haunting

I have forgotten all about the protocols and customs around introducing myself: the salutations are not coming to me so I guess I have to apologise for my inability to adhere to the expectations of your present day. My 'DAY' has long since passed and I have no recollection of what my life was like back then, was I good or was I bad? I simply can't answer those questions.

I do exist although not in the physical state, having no physical body, maybe exist could be open to argument but I leave that for you to decide. I'm guessing but I'd say the following questions would be asked by most people if they had the opportunity to ask a ghost so I took the liberty of saving you all the effort and asked them for you. How did I get here? I wish I knew. Why am I here? I wish I knew. What do I do all day? I wish......no, I know the answer to this question, firstly time has no relevance for me, I can't feel it therefore it neither weighs me down or indeed interests me in the slightest. Secondly, that's a harder question, I generally float around and observe the living as they struggle their lives away but if I can help the ones I choose to help then I'm only too happy to do so. How do I help those ones I choose? I am free to haunt on a freelance basis so if someone I'd like to help is having a rough time with their boss or such like well then they(the boss or whoever dishes out the rough time) will get my haunting treatment which is quite scary but more of that later. Do I haunt anyone with other ghosts? In this world ghosts have only one, how should say? One ability. My ability is to make walls bleed. For a haunting generally it takes more than one ghost to illicit the right response.  Some ghosts can move things, some ghosts can make audible sounds etc, you get the picture, oh and all ghosts can go through any solid objects like walls etc but I'm guessing you know that already.  There has to be a Controller or Master(it surely can't be random)  because I often arrive at a house and there could be any number of other ghosts gathered outside and me not having a clue how I got there. There has to be a big noise calling the shots. We can't communicate with each, we just know what to do, it's strange I guess but that's the business I'm in now and I must say it's enjoyable scaring the wits out of the occupants, that's the fun part. And, they must deserve it I guess.

Now you're probably looking for some proof of my existence. I can understand that but it's impossible for me to prove because I don't have the ability to bring you any items from households I've haunted seeing as my only ability is to make walls bleed and I can't communicate with any other ghosts so I'm asking for some blind faith, if you can manage that. But I can take you on a haunting as there's one happening very soon: I get a charge of electricity throughout my ghostly presence(not having a body) and I received a big charge earlier so it's imminent. Let me invite you to tag along, promise it'll be fun.

Usually though not always I have to say that a particular ghost, I don't like that word - spirit is more interesting, that a particular spirit has a connection with the house occupants and sometimes more than one spirit will have this connection to the occupants of said house. I am outside the house now, not that impressive if you ask me but there's a lot of us here today which is impressive: must be close to a hundred. We always work in pairs to finish off each other's skill. Me, I need a scripting spirit because it's more hauntingly scary to make the walls bleed and then scrawl something profane or threatening that the occupants will see. I link up with the scripting spirit in silence and we go through the front door(and I mean through the front door). I set to work by becoming part of the wall and now I have to cry but unlike the living I don't need sadness or torture to get started, it just happens. I hear wailing from all over the house, the wailing spirit or spirits must have started early - damn them to hell, maybe I shouldn't have said that but I was first in so I had dibs on who goes first. Have to work faster now so I cascade around the house decorating every wall with blood much to the disdain of my scripting spirit who's having problems getting to the blood before it dries. To give him or her(No sex in the spirit world unfortunately) credit the scripting is impressive and too shocking to relate here but he or she did borrow a line from the Exorcist about 'Your mother' and what you do to lollipops 'in hell': you get the line - I didn't know spirits could remember the movies. The pots and pans were fired around the kitchen by the spirit who could move things. Another was messing with the thermostat causing the temperature to plummet. Still the wailing, creaking of floorboards, items being smashed and my aided art work was scaring the family senseless. They huddled in the master bedroom upstairs frozen and unable to move. A handful of visual spirits just floated into the master bedroom, the screams were deafening and we didn't need any more wailing as the family were doing such a magnificent job that the wailing spirits were getting cheesed off. Then it was over, we returned to our normal existence(whatever that is). Of course we will pay the family little follow up visits to keep them on their toes - all part of the service but we only use a skeleton crew(pun intended, couldn't resist).

Oddly enough I found myself back outside the very same house a short while later(though being unable to calculate time, my stab at 'a short while' is a wild guess). Still it happens regularly when the terrified occupants enlist the help of a spirit cleanser, medium or ghost hunter, perhaps a priest if they are that way inclined to rid their lovely home of our presence. I have to be honest here, some of those folk have some powerful stuff going on with their incense blazing(we spirits hate incense, particularly the evil ones) and quoting biblical passages, even came across one lady who shouted out the most powerful cleansing spells(no other word for it) that we all left, it was just too powerful but that was the only incident, besides when that happens the Controller or Master just despatches a new crew so try as you might I'm afraid you can never really get rid of us, we always return.

We go in together this time, all linked, all primed for action. The cleansers(thankfully) seem real amateurs with their jars of so called holy water and cheap unblessed crucifixes dangling around their necks. They spout passages from the bible but it's clear to us that they really haven't got a clue. And then they spread garlic around the house as if that'll stop us. How much are these cranks charging for this amateur hour performance. Time to end this charade.

A change was made and we directed our attention on the cranks. We just threw everything at them. Floor boards were rattled so much it was like an earthquake had hit the house. Any ornaments or glassware was send flying around the house but this time we didn't want to break anything on that family being preyed on, we just wanted the kooks out of that house. I gave it everything I had and the scripting spirit went to work magnificently. It worked. Those charlatans fled leaving the poor people in peace at last. The Controller or Master must have decided that we had completed our haunting of that particular as I have just found myself floating above the crowds once more looking for a bit of action but there's nothing happening today(of course I don't know the concept of time) so I just keep floating on by high above you all. Still the next charge is surely on its way: and there it is, boy it's a rocking high voltage earth shattering charge which means someone is in for one hell of haunting. Who knows it could be you.