What is for you, will not pass you.

It's funny how every person in your life, significant or not, started off as a stranger. A person with a different story and different dreams. Once you get to know these strangers, the most unpredictable question is whether or not they will return to only be what a stranger is to you, or if they will become the purpose you’ve been trying to find. 

I looked up at her one last time as she started to get up from the couch that she was sitting next to me on. “Eden” I said, “this can’t be how it ends, nothing this purely beautiful ends in such a disaster way”. She just stared at me. Her emerald green eyes and her pale skin was just projecting onto me and I couldn't move myself away from looking in her eyes so deep I thought I could hear what she's saying. “Whats for you, wont go past you” she said in a soft voice that was being to crack with the tears that burned her skin. She always said that to me, whenever I was overthinking or having doubts, she’d always say that one line. At the same time, in the same second a tear from both of our right eye dropped and fell onto our skin, the same way almost everything between us was so synchronized. The rain was coming down faster then had in days and it was so loud that it blocked my thoughts. The only thought I had was that she was the one person in my entire life that taught me to love the rain and not fear it. 

I told her “sometimes the two people who are truly the best for each other will have to face greater obstacles to be with one another, this is our obstacle”. I’m not usually one to allow myself to fully understand why all good things come to end but here we are. She couldn’t look at me any longer, she turned and walked away. As much as it was a mutual ending, I completely felt like she ripped my heart out of my chest and took it with her when she walked through the door. The thing I hate most about this hell that we live in is the power of forces outside ones self, im trying to say that it's not our choice to do this, but the choice we had to make because of other people. As she closed the door behind her, I felt like the chapter of my life with her in it also closed. I felt like I was drowning in the ocean and the thing that saved me in the first placer was her love. Her love held me up and gave me something to hold onto instead of drowning. But when she left, she didnt leave her love so now I was back in this ocean and drowning. 

It was a long, hard and difficult one year, one month and eleven days until one morning I woke up, and I got my favourite tea ready, I grabbed a book and started reading it. I then say her name on a page and was surprised that this day had finally came where she wasn’t the first thing I thought of when I woke up. I was thrilled. I was happy. But there was a part of me the was scared, scared because this was the day that I realized she had gone back to being nothing but a stranger to me. After all our long talks, and eating our favourite food and watching our favourite movies, I had to almost forget that I had known her at all. The other thing that also scared me was that I never thought i’d be able to fall in love again. I mean how can you fall in love with someone else and give them your heart when you don't even have your heart in the first placer. As much as I knew she was gone, she still had my heart with her. So, I made sure that I was going to find a way to be alone and happy. And I did, sorta. 

One random day in the middle my favourite season, fall, I decided to treat myself to a nice meal, maybe I can be alone and happy after all, I thought to myself. I knew at this time I had finally done the impossible, I was finally content with me and only me and I was happy. Of course when I thought I reached the finish line, there was one more happy surprise waiting for me right through the small wooden door to the restaurant. 

That's when I opened the dark wooden, light to the restaurant to feel myself standing, frozen solid behind this girl with long blond hair. I did not move a muscle, I just stood there. My brain was telling me no it's not her, while my gut was saying everything opposite. It can't be, I told myself, it’s been years and oceans between us. Someone doesn't just run into  stranger after years of being worlds apart. It just doesn't happen like that, maybe in movies but not here. Not now. My eyes blinked and my lips unstuck from each other. My ears started to fill with the sound of all the people chatting and eating as thought “ well maybe it can happen”. 

She turned around. I’ll never forget how it felt and how I could feel I looked. I felt like a deer that just ran onto a road with a car stopped in front of me just staring at me with it’s headlights on. My heart continued beating but I felt like I was gone. Why she turned around, I will never know. Maybe because she could feel my staring presence, or the wind from the door, but I will always tell people that she turned around because she felt our long, lost inevitable soul connection. We stared at each other and to my expense she had come to have dinner alone as well. Maybe the universe does work in my favour after all. And maybe it’s true what she used to say, “what is for you will not pass you” because ever since I shared that meal with her, we have never left each others side and therefor she did not pass me.