Bloom

“What is your greatest regret, ma’am?”

"Well, now… that is a lengthy story. I recall having this obsession to belong. Just to belong in a place with these people. Oh, I could never. I would stare, mesmerized by their voluminous strawberry blonde hair that would fall gracefully on their shoulders. I would crave for how their words would roll from their tongue, revealing their rich, Australian accent. I envied the life they lived as if there was nothing in this world that fazed them, even a bit. And… there I was with every distinctive feature and characteristic of what a non-Australian would look like. Tanned, golden skin with a head full of dark, thick hair which I would be ashamed to release from a ponytail, and an accent full of stutters and hesitations. I never understood why my parents brought me here. I hated it her--” a thump cuts my voice midway.

I don’t realise that I am pacing up and down the spacious room until my stupidity causes me to stub my toe.

“stop, stop, stop,” I repeat.

“everyone move away for a second.”

Pain is shooting up my entire body now. I slump down dramatically onto the black leather couch in the corner of the conference room while clutching my poor right leg. A crowd gathers around me.

“Um, you stubbed your LEFT toe ma’am,”

My shoulders instantly fall in embarrassment. I draw a moment to realise where the pain is emerging from and come to a realisation that it is my left toe, indeed. Silence hangs in the air.

“So, did you ever discover your sense of belonging?”

“Was that your greatest regret?”

“Did you ever travel back home?”

"Ma'am your hair is astonishing, wouldn't everyone love to have her hair?"

I put my hand up, signaling everyone to put a halt to these questions.

“No, yes and no,” I say. Travel Home? Sounds familiar. I think someone mentioned it earlier. Then a thought strikes me like lightning, and it triggers a lightbulb in my head. It hits me quite intensely.

“Someone inform me what today is,” I announce.

“Monday.”

“Stub-your-toe day.”

“Confession day,”

“First day of spring,”

I immediately spring up from the couch and my head tilts.

“What did you just say?” I ask.

"Confession day,"

"No, After that."

"First day of spring?"

I gasp, straighten my pencil skirt into place and leave everyone hanging with confusion displayed all over their faces. I speed-walk into my own office with a window view of vivid, picturesque buildings. I let out the breath I didn’t perceive I was holding. I blink a few times and regain my awareness.

“The only time I need it, I won’t be able to find it,” I whisper to myself as I shuffle over to my organised yet messy desk. Adrenaline kicks in and I am throwing papers around, pushing books off the table and huffing and puffing in annoyance. I am pacing around the room again. These days I have really been on my grind, practicing my natural inner soldier walk. I take time to reflect carefully. A million thoughts race through my mind and I am left with nothing. Blank. I don’t know where I left it. Where would I keep my reminders? Where would an extraordinary woman collect her reminders? I really need to clean my office. As if in queue, my phone lights up and a blue note underneath snatches my attention. I slowly separate my phone and the note. This is it. My unbroken promise. This is it. I am leaving. I grab my laptop and exit. There’s surely no time to waste.

My phone buzzes in my pocket for the hundredth time today as I neatly fold the last shirt and place it in my suitcase. Reminder, Flight in 1 hour. I let out incoherent words under my breath because anxiety is creeping up on me slowly. In a rush I grab everything, slam the door behind me as it locks automatically and push my way into a taxi. I am sweating more than usual and shifting restlessly in my seat. I notice the driver squinting at me through the rear-view mirror. He nervously looks away and breaks the silence with music. I find myself singing along.

“Country road, take me home, to the place where I belong…”

Laughter escapes from the driver's lips.

"Rarely see woman like you here ma'am."

"Am I so breath taking?" I respond.

"Yes ma'am, the skin and hair. Different from others. Eye catchin' for sure."

"Thank you."

I continue to sing and the driver sings along unknowingly. After multiple songs, I am finally out the taxi, out the airport while holding my suitcase tightly against my side and gliding up the stairs of an aeroplane. Each step closer. I casually doze off and on throughout the 9-hour plan ride, realising the importance of sleep and how much my body needed it. While counting goats in my head half asleep, I hear a voice through the speakers of the plane, loud and explicit.

“Welcome to Bhutan”

My eyes flutter open. The sun is beaming through the small windows, illuminating the whole plane. It seems as if this is the first time; I have possibly, really, actually opened my eyes. Through the small oval window, birds are soaring in flocks above the mountains. Fields of blooming yellow daffodils waving and dancing hand in hand with the wind. We make our way out and it takes every strength in me to not crumble down in tears and laughter of joy as I step onto the solid ground. I tilt my head towards the sky to feel the warmth of the sunlight kiss. I let down my black hair from a ponytail, brush it through and let it flow. I take off my jacket, allowing the chilly air to touch the surface of my skin. It’s been years of confusion, years of forcefully convincing myself how my home was somewhere else and years of feeling lost. But this is home, my world right here, where my heart truly belongs. I walk towards the view of snowy mountains and forest full of trees. The scenery engulfs me like a mother holding it's newborn for the first time after 9 months of patience and wonder. Everything opens it's arms for me to walk in. Toothless grandmas laughing insouciantly on the side. Babies with red rosy cheeks wrapped on mother's backs. My heart warms. Like a bird released from a cage, emancipation has found me. The place where I was brought into the world, exactly on this day. The first day of spring.

"We must have adventures in order to know where we belong."