Inspirational Funny Fiction

Tea parties make me nervous

They kinda make me wanna cry 

But today I have to go to one

And this poem tells you why 

You see, my name is Elsie 

And I have a friend named Mac

Mac broke up with her boyfriend

So we have to get him back 

Because she really loves him 

She’s just emotionally repressed

But she’s gotta tell him 

Or else forever be depressed

It’s not that her life 

Depends on a man 

It’s just, well, keep reading

And you’ll understand

That she met him in high school

They were the perfect pair 

But he moved to LA 

And she said she didn’t care

But she really did 

And lied to herself for ages

Funny how people 

We build up our own cages 

Anyway, back to Mac 

And her boyfriend Chez 

Yes, I know his name 

Sounds like a joke but no one says 

Hey, there’s Mac and Chez

Because that makes them mad 

And no one likes that so 

We avoid making them sad

Their names are just conveniently 

Placed that way 

Their parents didn’t know 

They would meet one day 

But yeah, so, Chez likes tea 

And so I’ve contrived a plot 

I went to the store 

And got all the pastries bought 

Yeah, I bought all the donuts

That they had in stock 

And then I made cake 

With eggs: chickens go bock 

I planned this event 

I made this deal 

I’m gonna serve tea 

Yeah, I prepared the meal 

I dressed up really nicely 

I’m even wearing pants 

I don’t usually do that 

But that’s another rant 

I’ll skip it for now 

Maybe come back later 

Right now I’m on the tea thing 

And the food I’m gonna cater 

The party starts at four 

But I have to be there

A little bit early 

So I’m gonna do my hair 

I’m sitting in the bathroom 

On the counter top 

Listening to my hair 

Fry, sizzle, and pop 

I’m straightening it nicely 

To look my best 

If life is a game 

Then why is there a test 

Is it a boring game 

Where the point is to 

Answer all the questions 

Something I don’t wanna do 

I can question marks 

All the day through 

Questioning the grades 

Even when my teacher knew

I didn’t do the work

I didn’t study after school 

No, I was much to busy 

Being super duper cool 

That’s how come I’m so good

At planning this tea party 

Should call it a tea festival 

And if you are a smartie 

You will be here early 

You will not get here late 

This is the night to be on time 

Let me reiterate 

The importance of this table 

Where the tea shall be sipped

Chez and Mac shall be repaired

No one else will be shipped 

With either of them 

Because that is not allowed

I just said so 

Go make your people proud

Come to the tea party 

Which I have prepared 

It starts, again, at four 

And I hope to see you there

Because I’m the best at fixing

What others have shattered

If only I could feel 

Like my own problems mattered

Am I repairing their relationship 

Just cause I don’t have my own 

Am I so involved in this 

Because I’ve always been alone 

When it comes to dating 

Elsie’s never the one 

People assume I’m okay 

But when they day is done

Maybe I want to drink tea 

With a special somebody 

Is there anyone for me 

Is there anyone for me 

Or am I doomed to be 

Singlest pringle Elsie

For as long as I can see

People say it’s good to be free

But sometimes I really don’t know 

I could take or leave this life

Never knowing if one day 

I’d be somebody’s wife 

Or even just, like, girlfriend

Pretty sure that’s cool as well 

But I’m never saying this out loud

Cause in case it rings a bell 

I also can’t handle strong emotion 

If it makes me feel strange or weak 

So I ignore my future

Cause it looks kinda bleak 

I throw myself instead 

Into planning things like this 

I pretend I’m satisfied 

Watching other people kiss 

So this tea party 

Should go off without a hitch 

I’m sure I complain too much 

But I promise I’m not a witch 

The only spell I’m cooking up 

Is one of love revival 

So if you let me down 

I’ll make sure that your arrival 

In the hospital is well timed 

That you have a nice, long stay

You’ll be wheezing like a squeezebox

Like a donkey you will bray 

So make sure you’re here 

I’m nervous already 

I’m painting my eyelids 

Trying to keep steady 

Is my hand shaking 

Or are my eyes moving 

Is the pressure building 

The day’s task behooving 

Am I a good friend

Or just using someone else 

To maintain my facade 

And the mask of mental health 

On the inside I’m melting 

Watching Hallmark everyday 

But my face is smiling 

You know that I’ll be okay 

My tea’s gonna be hot 

And all the donuts all in line 

Someone’ll have a happy ending 

And even if it isn’t mine 

It’ll be enough to keep me up 

Afloat above the crushing waves

Of bordered isolation 

And the affection which I crave 

The hours keep on creeping 

Mother asks why she’s not able 

To spoil her grandchildren 

Why don’t I have a stable 

Relationship yet 

And, man, if I knew

I wouldn’t be trying 

To dye my hair blue 

It used to be a shade

Of some kinda blonde

But I dyed it and 

No one was really fond 

Of the new change 

But I liked it and so 

Now my roots are damaged

And there’s nowhere to go 

But to the counter again 

Where I become Papa Smurf 

My hands are so blue 

How is this my turf 

My personal habitat 

The place I belong 

Where is my duet 

If life is a song 

I hope Chez and Mac

Live long and well together

I hope they’re the strongest 

I hope they can weather

Through hail and tornadoes

And snow and sunshine 

I hope there’s one happy end 

Even if it’s not mine 

Look at the time

Well, now it’s four 

The guests are knocking 

Hear them at the door

I’m gonna smile 

Play the host as I should 

One day maybe my friends

Will plan something as good 

January 08, 2022 22:33

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