The Death of Lilith Monstrath

The flames were dull, growing tired of their dance, stumbling and sinking into themselves as if they were a person trudging through the desert. It had been working hard to bite back at the cold that seeped in from outdoors, but luckily, even as it died out, Lilith’s body was curled in the shape of a fetus beneath a blanket while her cold, limp skull floated in her ocean of blonde hair, contained within my lap that formed a valley. Although the night was closing in on me and my head was getting heavy, I still had to trace every freckle on her shoulders, count every breath that left her lungs, and feel every ridge along the horns at the crest of her hairline.

As I witnessed the spectacle of her breathing, I thought of this lovely night. We had a fine meal of bread and wine and discussed “Theories on Redemption” by Dr. Sampson P. Keaton. It was a book wildly controversial for its take on individual lives, how their values may weigh against each other, and the role this perceived or actual value can play in our approach on universal conflicts, from domestic disagreements to international wars. While it was a worthwhile and productive conversation Lilith and I had, we didn’t have to convince each other much of anything, given we were on the same side of the argument.

In a unique way, Lilith and I were frequently on the same wavelength. It likely had to do with our similar backgrounds. For instance, we grew up as outcasts, singled out from the crowds. People would stare, whisper, and keep themselves distanced in fear. Some things never change. But now, Lilith made it okay. We were alone together.

That was one of the reasons we decided it was best for us to escape to a hidden nook of the world. We moved to a region isolated from civilization – an unnamed portion of land with few houses, scattered in no particular fashion, filled with people like us. We liked living in our own little world, but it was nice having visitors from time to time. We never had visitors unannounced, though, which is why it came as a surprise to me when I heard a knock at the door.

Lilith had let out a small sound that resembled a groan, muffled behind her closed lips. She tilted her head to press to my thigh, and while I was tempted to remain there and stroke her hair, I couldn’t ignore the tapping. It could’ve been Jericho needing rosehips again, though no matter who it was, I couldn’t leave them out in the snow.

“Hey Lilith, my love,” I whispered, “I’ll be right back.” I scooped her head delicately with my claws and raised it just enough to slip out from beneath her. Nowadays, she rested heavily, so though I would remain gentle, I didn’t have to worry to wake her so easily.

I crossed the living room, my footpads heavy on the wooden panels, and when I arrived at the door, I pulled it open to reveal a dwarven woman whom I didn’t recognize. She had a cute face with eyes of maple and a strawberry licorice smile. Her cheeks were blood-swelled from the biting snow, and I was half-tempted to invite her inside. However, I quickly considered her arrival to be no coincidence in this strange part of the world, and if she had anything good to say, she had come a long way to say it.

“Hello!” Her voice was just as sweet as her smile in a strangely obnoxious way. She was certainly compensating for something, though I couldn’t tell what it was just yet. She held out her tiny hand in greeting, which wasn’t an offer people extended to me often. “My name is Irma Johannsen, private investigator.” I had begun to raise my hand and accept her introduction, but stopped myself and repeated, “private investigator?”

“Yes!” She lowered her hand, continued to smile, and said, “I’m sorry for bugging you at this hour, but I have been looking for Lilith Monstrath for some time now and have been led to believe that you may know of her whereabouts.” Her face was curious and anticipatory, and I was just as curious in return. I let my eyebrows burrow their way into my brow and took a moment to consider what this statement suggested.

“You realize you have no jurisdiction in this region.” It wasn’t a request for confirmation, as both of us knew it was fact. No longer did we live in Nasroth. Instead, we made home in a land without government or law, a haven for people like us. As to why she was here was beyond my comprehension.

To my surprise, she laughed. “I don’t have any jurisdiction in any region,” she explained. “I’m an independent contractor, I’m no detective or officer, though I am flattered you would consider me to be one.”

“Then why are you here?” If there were no authorities in this land, I couldn’t understand what purpose there was in finding Lilith.

“Because I’m being paid,” she said with a smile and a cock of her head. “It’s not my business what my employers do with the information, I just bring it to them and put food on my table. It’s nothing personal.”

I began to contemplate what her employer was capable of. There was no doubt in my mind as to who it was, but what lengths would they go to get revenge? If they were willing to track us down all the way out here, what else would they do?

I wish I could say I had the money to pay her off, but even if I did, I was certain they would be willing to threaten her for information just as easily as they may be able to threaten me for being an accomplice. The way Irma looked at me was disturbing and those honey-hued eyes were no longer bright with welcome. Instead, they reflected a fiery passion for her line of work.

It seemed my contemplations were too obvious. She tried to take advantage of my pause and added, “the longer you hesitate, the worse it looks for you. Just tell me what you know.” Her smile remained and I felt my shoulders tighten with frustration. “I’m not obligated to tell you anything.” She decided to try a different approach.

“No, you are not, however, I can compensate you generously for providing information.” I scoffed and shook my head. For all my life, people feared me for my sharp teeth and large stature, and it wasn’t something I was proud of. But with Lilith’s safety on the line, I felt threatened. “Information on what?” I raised the sides of my muzzle as I spoke, showing my glaring fangs. “My appetite? I can tell you it’d take two bites for me to eat you.”

Immediately, her demeanor shifted as mine had. There was no fear. She’d likely heard similar threats a million times throughout her career. Instead of cowering and stepping down, she returned my stare and we fell into a standstill.

“Is that a threat, sir?”

“No, just a fact.” Her persistence was concerning, so I quickly opted for a more neutral approach. I shrugged my heavy shoulders and crossed my arms over the thick fur on my chest.

“Mr. Oswald, that behavior would make you no better than Lilith.” I forgot about the cold as I stood in that doorway, and it seemed she felt the same, as the heat between us grew.

“Yeah, you’re right, it’d make me much worse.”

“You realize what she did was a high-level crime in the region of Nasroth, correct?”

“I realize what she did was necessary.”

“Sounds like you two are close.” Irma narrowed her eyes and gave me a smile to say “gotcha”, as though it was any hidden fact. “Yeah, we are.” I let my head tilt to the side lazily, doing my best to stay calm, though she was fingering for my buttons. “And that’s all the information I will share. Have a good night.” I reached to shut the door in her face, but she held out her hand to stop me and quickly spoke, “are you really going to leave it at that?”

“Leave it at what?”

I could’ve shut the door in her face and pretend nothing happened, but she had my interest locked in her grip, concern and curiosity heavy on my mind. Not to mention, I wanted to snap in her face with a defense for Lilith.

“Sir, I am working for the victim’s family, and, with my best direction, which leads to this house, they will act in defense of justice for Mr. James Billinger. In this lawless part of the world, who knows what that may entail.” That gut-wrenching smile remained on her face, and she suggested, “I could offer you protection from the repercussions of their justice.”

I paused, not with consideration of her offer, but to stare at her and make sure she could feel my offense. “Sounds like you’re threatening me.” I emphasized in slow speech. She narrowed her eyes in a snarky manner and softly said, “I’ll let you decide.”

Once more, we were at a standstill, and I thought of my options. I could shut the door in her face, like I should’ve when she first stated her business. I could act upon my threats, though that felt less like an option and more like a fantasy. I could lie to her and throw her off the trail, though it seemed she knew too much now. Or I could try to engage her sympathy to convince her to keep a secret.

“Is this about justice or revenge?” I asked. She shrugged and answered my question with a question: “who’s to say it’s not about both?” Dissatisfied with her suggestion, I gave a half-laugh, furrowed my low brow into my hollow eyes. “Where’s the judge? The impartial reasoning?”

“In the region of Nasroth, murder is punishable by death – an eye for an eye.”

“And where’s the sense in that?” I asked. “How is our society supposed to grow if we let our animalistic nature overtake all rationale?”

“That’s funny, coming from the dog.” Despite being four feet shorter than me, she knew that I was harmless and took advantage of that. As much as I was hurt by her words, I wanted to get on her good side to lure her into my side of the argument. Perhaps it was too late to get her to like me, but it was worth a try.

“Is it not wrong to murder an innocent person?”

“Yes, but she’s not innocent.” Irma’s look of entertainment finally dissipated. I still wonder if I hit a nerve – if it was an opinion based off personal experience. “She murdered an innocent man – he’s the innocent one!”

“Do you know what he was doing to her?” I wouldn’t be surprised if his family paid to keep mouths shut, though that didn’t seem to be the issue with Irma.

“I know the claims: rape? Really? Oldest claim in the book.”

“You’re disgusting,” I interrupted, unable to keep my charade up. If I hit a nerve, she snapped a bone. “You have no fucking sympathy, you soulless bitch.”

“Oh, I’m soulless?” Irma laughed, pointing past me, “look at who you’re talking about! That woman is cold as they come, literally! She’s a fiend, bound to violence!”

“You’ve never even met her!” I raised my voice. “We’ve never been given a chance – you’re just as ignorant as the rest of them!”

“The rest of who?” She laughed. “Society? Stereotypes exist for a reason! She murdered someone, and I’m sure you have too.”

“Bold assumption,” I spat. Every muscle in my body was tense and sore. In the back of my mind, I considered that we were likely waking Lilith, but we were too far into this argument for me to back down. “She’s one of the strongest people I know, and while he may have taught her how to feel, I’m teaching her how to cope.”

“Oh, how beautiful, you’re a hero,” Irma clapped her hands together and let out a single, hearty laugh. Quickly, her face drooped into anger again and she said in a low voice, “she’s hiding from you. She’s waiting for her chance, then when you turn your back, she will do the same to you, and steal your riches.”

“What riches?” I let out a more genuine laugh and bent down slightly to emphasize to Irma, “the riches of my destitute mother? My estranged father? Yeah, she’ll have a blast with that.”

“If revenge is unjustified, then why was it okay for her to murder James?” Her question jumped from around the corner and caught me off-guard after simply being faced with insults. I scrunched my snout and grumbled, “what?”

“If revenge is, by your books, not moral, then why are you okay with the fact that she murdered James?”

“Because it was out of self-defense! Do you hear what I’m saying?” I couldn’t seem to get the story through her thick skull, and it was driving me mad.

“So, murder is justifiable!” She concluded to prove me wrong. Maybe I’m just as stubborn as she was, but I still hold firm to my belief and will defend it just as much as I had in that moment.

“It’s unavoidable!” I yelled, waving my arms in wild expression. “Violence is essential to life – do you think I enjoy killing rabbits? No, I do it to eat, to survive.”

“Those rabbits are innocent,” she snapped back in mockery. I let out another single laugh and raised my paws, realizing she was too far gone. “You know what? Send them this way, I don’t care. It’s time you leave.” I reached for the door handle while she blabbered on.

“They’ll be coming with their pitchforks, and I’ll be right there with them. I’d love to watch you burn," she smiled.

"Do as you must.” I turned away dismissively and, before I shut the door, added, “I hope you freeze on the way.” If the yelling hadn’t wakened Lilith, certainly the tremble of the house did when I shut the door.

I needed to calm my nerves, but even more importantly, I needed to make sure Lilith was okay.

I returned to the living room and was not surprised to see the flames of the fire well and alive again. Sometimes, when she was scared, her strength would act beyond her control, but this time, she managed to keep it isolated to the fire pit. The flames lashed about in their iron-grated cage, crying for freedom.

I stood beside the armrest and stared for several seconds into the blinding fire before looking down to find a bundle of blankets trembling upon the cushions. It was hard to tell what she would need right now: some space or some comfort.

“Lilith, my dear?” My voice was tender as I almost instantly cooled down at the thought of caring for her. Her shaking softened and she spoke even quieter than I had, “Willem?”

“Hey, it’s just me, okay?” I leaned forward and asked, “may I sit next to you?” I couldn’t tell where her body began and ended until now, when I saw her head move up and down.

We thought we had long escaped the hunt. It had been three long years of running and growing. But the day of the murder would always haunt us at the very least. As I sat beside her, I gently rested my large arm around her body and waited for her to lean into my touch. Her body was cold, as always. I liked to joke that was the only reason she liked me – I was her personal fur blanket.

It was silent for several minutes. Occasionally, my ears would tilt back to listen for any presence that may arrive at our door, though I knew we had a few hours at least. It took some time, but Lilith emerged from her bundle and let her body sink into mine. We watched the fire and soaked in our thoughts and feelings. I waited for her to speak first.

“What’s gonna happen?” She sounded so defeated; it broke my heart.

“Well,” I paused, finding the truth painful to say aloud, “I think we find a new place to live.” As I stared into the pit, I couldn’t help but imagine the walls crumbling down into ash around us.

“When does the running stop?”

“I don’t know.”

“Should we ever fight back?”

I fell silent, soaking in the question. We could prove them right and become violent in self-defense, or we could stick to our morals and keep running with no sign of stopping. We wanted to do more than just survive, but the world was bigger than us, and I couldn’t tell if the cost of another life was of equal value to our peace.