The Bigger Picture

Reva was beyond exhausted from work. Getting back into the groove of things was harder than she thought it would be from taking some much needed time off. She was too tired to cook dinner tonight. She ordered takeout instead. Now sat up in bed relaxing. Flipping through the pages of a book, she forgot she didn’t finish reading it. She heard the sound of her husband John’s car alarm chirp. She waited patiently for him to come upstairs.

“Hey, Baby,” Reva greeted him with a slight smile. Though her day was stressful seeing him made her a bit happier.

“Hey, Sweetheart.” John let out an obnoxious huff as he closed the door behind him. Signifying his day might've been worse than hers. His steps over to the bed seemed like it took a lot out of him just to make it a few feet away. 

“Tough day?” 

“Yeah,” He plopped down on the edge of the bed and began to remove his Bruno Magli Oxfords. Reva crawled over to his side of the bed and sat up on the back of her legs.

“Well, if it makes you feel any better... My day wasn’t so great either.” She tried to make light of both of their declining moods. “You are really tense.” She added as she began to massage his shoulders.

John placed his hand over one of hers. "Yeah, I know I wanted to be a partner but this workload is killing me." He sighed deeply.

“It’s crazy how you want something so bad and when you finally get it and get into it. It’s hard to recall the love you once had for it.” Reva mentioned.

“Yeah.”

John focused his gaze on a notebook that was opened by where he was sitting. He didn’t notice it before. He grabbed it and scanned the pages. It was a list divided with two sides labeled: Good and Bad. He read off each thing quietly. Noticing this was about him.

“Is this your list to consider getting rid of me?” He asked with a smirk.

“No,” She took the notebook from him. “My therapist told me this was a good exercise to do. That’s all.” She deflected from any further questions.

“Well, I take it that this list is a good thing on my part. The good side is longer than the bad.”

“Mhmm.” Reva nodded. “Which brings me to my next point.”

“What is it?”

Reva knew by his dismissive tone he wouldn’t be up for whatever she was about to say. 

“My therapist is also a marriage counselor... I’m just asking for us to go to one session. That’s all.” She threw her hands up. 

John sighed deeply as he rose from the bed. He grabbed his shoes and headed for their walk-in closet. Reva climbed off their high king bed and trailed behind him. 

“Just one session is all I’m asking John.” She repeated as she leaned up against a shelf.

“Reva,” He rubbed the back of his neck feeling the tension return that melted away briefly. “You know I’m not good with therapy. Besides, we don’t need it. Our marriage is fine now. I don’t want some stranger in our business.”

Reva was afraid John would react this way. His pride and ego were too strong. When it comes to situations like these. He’s always been a bit of a hothead when he heard something he didn't want to hear.

“John, it’s not like that. It will be good for us.” She tried to reason.

He rubbed his face annoyed at his wife’s persistence. “Reva, that’s the end of it. I’m not doing it.”

“John for me, for us, please?” She sighed. “I’m not happy.” 

Reva regretted saying it once the words escaped her lips. She’s never been vocal about her happiness in their marriage. If she wasn’t happy she would’ve kept it to herself and moved on. Just because of how much she loved him.

“Not happy with what?” John turned around from unbuttoning his shirt. 

“Our marriage.”

John cackled at the statement. “Are you serious?”

“Yes, I’m serious.” Her arms folded, she was angry at his lack of compassion that she needed at this moment.

John shook his head. “I don’t get it, Baby.” He shrugged. “We have everything we ever wanted. I mean look around,” He motioned his hand to showcase the closet. “This is enough closet space to be a storefront.”

He continued speaking while Reva remained silent.

“I picked this house for you. Our kids never wanted for anything. I bought you all the things you didn’t want to buy yourself. What more do you want?” He threw his towel over his shoulder, tossing his hands up.

He breezed passed her on the way out of the closet. Reva followed behind him again. She wanted him to hear her like he’s never heard her before. She couldn’t take biting her tongue anymore.

Reva guffawed at the remark. She got herself together momentarily. She could tell by the look on John’s face. He was offended. “What more do I want? If you can’t find the problem in what you just said then I don’t know what to say. You mentioned all the material things that I could’ve done without! You knew that when you first met me. Far as this house goes you picked it for yourself.” 

John was stumped. Standing in the middle of the bedroom. His hand smoothed over his beard. Speechless wasn’t the word.

Reva felt herself getting emotional. She didn’t want to because she worked so hard on getting her emotions under control for the past few months.

“You asked me what I want, it’s simple...you.” She sniffled, as she wiped a tear that rolled down her cheek.

“You got me, Baby. What are you talking about?”

"John, I haven't had you in years. This man who you pretend to be to everybody else is who you bring home." Reva fanned her eyes. "You've always had me though. I've always been here. You used that to your advantage because you knew I wasn't going anywhere and I'm still not. So you did everything and I let it all slide.”

“I can’t believe you felt like this the whole time.” John slightly bit his lip in befuddlement. “Are you saying I’m nothing and all I’ve done is just cause you to be miserable all these years?”

Reva’s blood boiled. Her frustration presented itself as sadness as her body released the tears she had held back throughout this argument. Why is it so hard for him to get it? She asked herself.

"I never said that and I never will. John, I love you. But I am tired... I am so tired." She sobbed. "I can't do this right now. I need a break.”