Anniversary

Hannah and Jax looked at the rising sun, blowing out frozen breaths and dangling their feet on the roof. They were damn tired, but it was worth it. The sky was beautiful at 6:30 am, November 20th. Hannah snuck a look at Jax, who had his eyes closed and had started humming to himself, breaking the silence.

   She looked at him in confusion. “I don’t recognize that song. What is it?”

   Jax didn’t meet her eyes as he said, “It’s a new one I’ve been working on. It’s- nothing.” Jax shook his head, messing up his platinum curls and freezing the air around them.

   Hannah shrugged. Jax was a difficult man. She loved her friend dearly, but when he didn’t want to discuss something, it didn’t get discussed. So she turned her head back to the sky, relishing the little bit of warmth and light it brought that made coming up here every month so special. The 20th was a special day to them, of course. 20 was the age of Hannah’s parents when she was born, 20 was the number of Jax’s little house by a quiet road. But most importantly, it was on the 20th of November that they met.

   Ten years. God, I feel old, Hannah thought, laughing to herself.

   But before she could even open her mouth, he brought it up. They had a- a wavelength like that sometimes.

   “Hey, Hannah,” he said. “You know what today is, right? It’s our tenth anniversary!”

   She smacked him lightly on the arm. “Don’t make it weird.”

   Hannah tried to ignore the small pit forming in her stomach at his words. Lately, he’d been joking around, saying stuff to her that didn’t feel right. Didn’t make her feel like they were ‘just friends’, as they always claimed.

   As she’d always known.

   …

   Right?

   Jax continued humming to himself, a sweet, lilting tune. Like the songs she liked. Not that he was a plagiarizer. This one was original and beautiful like the rest of them, she decided.

   Hannah’s interests lied elsewhere, and she didn’t just mean hobby-wise.

   Yes, Jax was her best friend, male or not. Yes, best friends usually hook up or get married or something or are just madly in love. Yes, she liked men, being a proud panromantic. But Hannah had always just wanted a friend.

   And Jackson Jones had been that for ten years, an amazing, lovable fluff ball that might seem quiet but was really just thinking, or as Anna liked to put it, 'size you up’. A bit of a contrast to Hannah. Hannah who loved talking, Hannah that just liked to bake or walk around.

   Together they grounded each other. Hannah motivated him to start singing around town, and Jax always warned Hannah when she should stop talking. (Which was, admittedly, a lot.) And they came up with their monthly sunrise watch. It was perfect for Jax, who needed silence a lot, and for Hannah, who loved the outdoors.

   Hannah zoned back in as a ray of sun hit her in the eye. She patted Jax on the shoulder and said, “Guess it’s time to leave,” and scooted herself up, then slid down the opposite side. Hannah banged her knee on the ladder that had gotten the duo up in the first place, wincing a bit as she did.

   “You okay?” Jax called as he jumped from the top of the roof and landed next to her. She flashed a thumbs-up, still grimacing. Jax rolled his eyes and leaned even closer to her. “Want me to kiss it, make it better?” he teased.

   Hannah smiled at him, but the knot in her got tighter.

   “We’re still on for tonight, right?” he continued, oblivious to her tight smile. He was actually inching closer to her, or anyways it felt like it. Hannah moved into action, kicking herself up and then down the ladder’s first rung.

   “Y- yeah,” she confirmed, nodding as she climbed down. “Tonight.”

***

Hannah drew in shaky breaths, though she didn’t understand the level of her anxiety. She was at the restaurant, a small, family-owned one right across the street. Where they were celebrating their ‘anniversary’. 

   She smoothed out her dress, a flowing lavender sundress with an embroidered neckline. A gray wool shawl to keep her warm.

   Any minute now, Jax would show up.

   It’d be just like their fifth anniversary, just two friends celebrating. They were old farts now, both twenty-three years old, but that was the only difference.

   Hannah played on her phone for a few minutes, waiting.

   And then he showed up.

   She waved him over and handed him a menu, smiling and saying, “Hey! Happy anniversary! You look great!”

   It was true if she was being honest, and she’d be a fool not to notice. Jax was wearing a tailored, unwrinkled suit with a perfectly tied tie.

   “So do you!” he agreed, and she had no doubt that he meant that genuinely.

   They got to work, picking out what they wanted (they both wanted spaghetti and meatballs, which was their go-to food), ordered, and just… talked with each other. Talked about all sorts of stuff: the weather, what was going on with their lives, and where they wanted to travel (for the millionth time). Paris for him, Venezuela for her.

   The food came, got cold, and stayed untouched. The two were smiling, laughing, like friends. Hannah felt her heart surge. To put it simply, they were having fun.

   Until Jax mentioned something.

   “Hey Hannah,” he said as she finally picked into her food. “That song I’ve been working on, can I sing it to you?”

   She stared dumbly at him for a second. He was always hesitant to share his music, but never this shy. And why in public? “Um… yes- yes- sure.”

   Jax took a deep breath and started singing.

At night I think of you,

I want to hold you tight.

And this feeling is new,

But still, it feels so right.

   Hannah’s jaw dropped. She couldn’t stop him, couldn’t even move.

I want you to be mine,

To hold you in my arms.

And as we wine and dine,

I can’t resist your charms.

So what I’m saying here,

I don’t want this to end.

 And I’ll go far and near,

If you’ll be my girlfriend?

   Hannah could feel the tears welling in her eyes. She knew she should be excited. Jax was her best friend, he knew her better than anyone!

   And that’s why it won’t work, she told herself.

   “Jax, I can’t,” she said. “Jax, I can’t. You’re my best friend, don’t do this. Don’t do this. I can’t lose you. Please don’t do this. It’s not- I can’t. Please stay my friend.”

   Tears blinding her, Hannah ran out, stumbling wildly. She looked up, blinking at the moon. I never wanted things to change, she thought. Why did it have to change? Why do things have to change?

   Feeling slightly like shit, she pulled the shawl tighter and walked home, the moon illuminating her. So much could change in a day. Like the sky, like a relationship…

   Why did things have to change?