Not an "I do" Kind of Dude.

I can feel it happening. It’s the tequila. So cliche, I know. But it is what it is. Here at this wedding makes me all happy. “I do”, the two words that say it all. So simple yet so loud. Love is in the air and I am sucking in deep breaths, getting high on it, but there is something in the air. It’s stronger than love and growing. I know this feeling. I’ve only felt this twice before and I married the last one. Don't get me wrong, men/women find me attractive. I believe alcohol makes you more honest. It feels nice to feel wanted. No matter who from. Whether it be from people, dogs, kids.... when someone makes you feel beautiful, attractive, you float. Then when you don't feel it, you're not in a bad place, you just know there is a better place you could be. Please raise your hand if you can think of a better place to be, albeit be in your head. But you can't make these things happen. I believe many things, most of them contradict each other. I believe in fate and if I believe in fate and the power of attraction. I am in trouble. If love is a drug, attraction is my crack. I crave this feeling. When I feel it I am in control. I feel unstoppable. My mind goes wild. I am creating scenarios that should never be acted out but I know will be. I am riling myself up in the most wonderful way. My husband is going to reap the benefits of this crazy mind tonight.... I could be wearing a potato sack and be still be ravish (in my mind that is). I am not in a sack of any kind. I am comfortable in my skin. Old age will do that to you, hey, growing old has to have some positives. I fill out this navy blue, sleeveless, mermaid dress well. Probably too well, but my husband thinks I am beautiful no matter what. I believe that, whole heartedly. (That’s love people, you can’t feel or make someone feel that way without true love.) That fact, mixed with tequila and this thick cloud of sexual attraction, I am unstoppable. It’s time to go home. I am tired. He catches my eye, or I his. I really can’t tell. I can’t look away, Okay, I can. I won’t though. It’s a gift really, even without all these factors, I can look anyone in the eye. Never-have-I-ever lost a staring contest. I am pleased to announce that I am still undefeated. I am drawn to him. Right or wrong has no say here. We leave with all things we came with. Damn social media. I am a millennial, but I can work the web well enough. He looks the same in his profile picture, maybe the same suit, navy blue with a light blue shirt. Couldn't tell you his shoes. His eyes might as well be the perfect shade of blue to match his suit. It’s a nice suit. I ask what I need to know, but already knew before my seatbelt is buckled. As expected he didn’t make me wait.

     Some dudes don't like weddings. I am that guy. No offense, but watching two people commit to one another, just one other person for the rest of their lives, is not enjoyable to watch. Please get this straight: I am not against marriage, love, companionship or commitment. I just don't see the need. I figure I'll need all those things later in life. I have dated many women, beautiful, wonderful ladies, in the past. I have been in love. Just once. We were perfect together, except, she wanted me to say those "two 'stupid' words". I never thought she would break up with me over that fact, but I digress. Here I reside; at my brother's wedding.

We're not close. I am not in the wedding. Thank God. They did it. They said those "two words". Good for them. Now I am going to enjoy this open bar and go home, alone. More than that, I'm not giving out my number, not taking any. No exchange of social media, maybe. I blame it on the times. I've been solo for a while and my ex-love is going through a divorce. I do not want her back, but I need the reason other than "I'm seeing someone". I'm an adult. I'm in control of myself. F me. She's looking at me. She's older than me. She's at the bar. Her eyes are green, but blue too. I bet they change with what color she wears. No matter what she is in, she can stare at my soul. She has to be married. She's beautiful. Stunning actually. Not just her simple navy blue dress, that fits perfectly. It's just her. Her look. She controls the crowd around her. Her eyes are eating a hole through me. I'm pretty sure the man who just left her side is her husband, he's with her for sure. I feel naked and I'm not afraid, I'm actually getting aroused. I got to snap out of it. This is stupid. I am drawn to her. She's leaving. Her "husband" has gathered her coat and children. She doesn't break eye contact as she and her family pass right by me to the door. Damn. I could not look away. She's gone and I am relived and disappointed all at once. Time to go. I need to go get this interaction out of my head. I don't even make it to my car, when a DM pings on my phone. I clicked immediately and it was exactly what I was hoping for and didn't know it. Damn these modern times. It was only 6 words. A question. A bold question. I have never been asked this question, especially by someone I've never met. This woman will be the end of me. I can still feel her eyes on me as a stare at her profile picture.

I was replying before I could even process the ramifications.

Her: "Do you think I am pretty?"

Me: "I do."