My only choice

The numerous voices swirled around me and ran together.

"There has to be something else we can do." "I refuse to give up." "Tomorrow we'll..."

     Finally I stood up and drew the gazes of the four people in the room beside myself.

"Stop!" My voice rose over the din and commanded their attention. My Mistress didn't look thrilled at the command, but she was silent for now. "Please, stop."

"What’s your idea, Nathaniel?" Christopher's voice was the hopeful vampire I'd come to know. His question, I figured, was geared toward when he and I ran the countryside and came upon a problem, I would come up with some stupid or brilliant plan to solve it.

"No. I'm done. Finished." I addressed him but felt the three other people reactions before I heard the string of denials. "Enough!"

"There will be something else to try tomorrow.." My Mistress's voice was the only one who sliced through the chatter.

"No."

".......What did you say?" her voice was furious and rather confused. A glance at Seth saw an expression that he might have applauded my words...if he didn't completely agree with what she was saying.

"I will refuse whatever 'other idea' you come up with." I explained, to be clear to her.

"You will not." she tried again. This time when I met her gaze with my own, I kept it. Much longer than I should have.

"This is the only thing I have refused to do in nearly three thousand years of service, but I am refusing to comply." I didn't flinch or back down when she got to her feet. I had never her so mad, and I'd done some stupid things during my service. "Strike me down for my insolence now, or wait until whatever this is runs its course. I don't care. Either way, I am going to die."

"Nathaniel..."Seth started to speak. I turned my gaze to his and held it.

"You claim me as one of your warriors, Seth?"

"Of course you are. I don't see what that…"

"Then I demand the right, as a warrior, to set the terms of my own death."

     If Seth had been human I would say he turned green and looked like I had punched him in the gut. With a resigned sigh he nodded and turned to my Mistress.

"I can offer no further assistance to this situation." he told her. Now my Mistress turned her anger from me to him.

"You can. You will." she demanded. Seth met her gaze with a firm one of his own.

"I will not offer any further assistance on this matter." he repeated. "I am honouring his request as a warrior of this family."

"He is not one of your warriors, he is a thrall."

"He is your thrall and he deserves this amount of respect." Seth shot back.

"Dying is not all it's said to be, Nathaniel. Take it from three people who have done it." she argued. Seth and Christopher looked away from her gaze as she gestured to both of them. "If you do this, you are weak. If you give up, you let this beat you...you are a coward."

     Without waiting for my retort...and I had one especially with my new 'screw the world' philosophy, she stormed past me and out of the room.

"She's right, you know, Nathaniel." Christopher warned me. "Dying is not pleasant. It is not something I would recommend, in the best of circumstances."

"Nothing you guys have been trying has been all the enjoyable."

"This seems like a rash decision. Please reconsider it." Kiya practically pleaded.

"This is my decision. Rash or not. Vampire blood has not worked, any of your magicks have not worked...hell, even the sorcerer's spells didn't work." I said. None of the three of them had a response to that. "I've said it many times, I do not fear my own death. This is one choice I have to make."

"I hope you don't come to regret this." Seth said. "But I will honour your request."

·       * * * * * * * * *

 I was dying. I finally allowed myself to lament. I could tell by the supplies just inside of the room, a table laden with supplies that would preserve my corpse for its travel into the Afterlife. What I saw made me chuckle. I would be preserved as royalty, yet the only noble blood that coursed through my veins was that of my Sovereign.

Being honest with myself, and I supposed at this moment it would be a disservice to my own memory to not be, I was embarrassed by the attention I was receiving and that my corpse would receive after my last breath was gone.

     It was no ordinary disease that vexed me. The vampire blood which sustained me would have knocked out anything that common. No, the ailment that I found myself with was time. I knew not what dark arts the red head who bested me had used. On a human this 'disease' would have had no effect. All it was doing was allowing the years I had lived to catch up with me.

     A coughing fit wracked me causing me to clutch the sheets that covered me. A golden-hued hand came to cover mine and I looked up to see my Mistress standing over me. Even now, on my deathbed, I could not force myself to keep her gaze. It ran back to her touch of flesh. The contrast of our flesh to the stark white hospital sheets assaulted my eyes. Our heritage was far from similar, but without the golden hue, our skin colour was quite close. The tone of her skin proclaimed her as Ancient Egyptian while mine should have been pale in comparison. Long hours of working outdoors, first as a mortal in Ancient Greece, then for nearly thousands of years in the Egyptian sun had darkened my natural skin tone to well-tanned and my hair from its natural blonde to a sun-bleached shade which was almost white.

"Nathaniel?" came the soft voice of my Sovereign.

"I am fine, Mistress." I assured her, although my own body disagreed. I ached with every breath, in each joint as I moved. The years of pushing my body to its limits and damning the consequences was taking its toll now.

"Excuse me, Lady Melody." the voice was close to me as they neared the vampire. "May I please get through."

I watched as a thrall moved past my Mistress and came to the IV running into my arm. With a check of the machine, she adjusted a dial. Mere seconds later my aches were gone. She had increased the pain medicine which seemed to be the only thing they could do. I'm sure that the amount that flowed into my system at the moment would stagger a pack of elephants. As it was, it allowed me to focus more readily on the people determined to be at my side during my last hours.

Even though I was set up in a vampire's chamber, there were only four people allowed in the room and three of them were vampires. I was told there were many others who wished to come see me, but were refused entrance. They had been given their chance to speak to me.

     The first one in the room was my Mistress, the vampire who had taken me from my home, provided for my family and kept me at her side for nearly three thousand years. She was one of three people I had ever allowed myself to love. That fact went long past the compulsion that her blood gave me to be favourably inclined toward her and into actual emotion. Despite my duty, I would have done anything she asked.

     The second in the room was my Mistress's, Seth. Silent but powerful, he sat in the room without saying much, just letting me know he was here. He had become my friend just a few hundred years after joining my Mistress. There had been a tactical problem that had eluded him, to this day I can't even remember what it was...or what I had suggested, but whatever it had been...it worked. I had seen respect in his eyes every day since. He had convinced my Mistress that I was strategically sound and needed his guidance to complete my training with her. I must admit I was shocked when she agreed. Seth had not only instructed me in his martial art, he also taught me my mediation technique that kept myself in control and calm even as I felt myself weakening.

     As my gaze fell over the last two other people in the room I was overcome with a wave of pain that sliced through the medicine as if it wasn't even there. My eyes closed as I struggled to keep a hold on my emotions and control. Although I had no regrets in my life, the thought of my life actually ending scared me more than I wanted to admit. My muscles spasmed causing my breath to catch and for a moment I couldn't get any more air. My mind clutched onto the calm I had managed to maintain the last few days until the spasm past and I drew breath once again. When my eyes cracked again relief flooded the eyes of all the people attending my living wake.

     The third person in the room was another vampire. His name was Christopher and unlike every other vampire in Temple, he didn’t carry the same blood as the others. He chose to be a part of this family after I saved his life. In a place where thralls were kept in their place and told exactly where that was...Christopher was my friend. He and I had run the countryside during the Inquisition carrying out my Mistress's command. His eyes held concern that he would never voice. When all the other vampires had serious expressions and moods, Christopher was jovial and positive. I'm sure if he would speak, he would tell me this wasn't as bad as I was acting.

     I felt myself sinking. My heart was strained with effort and ached in my chest. Drawing air into my lungs was getting harder. Although I kept my hands on the blanket covering me, they shook. A dull ache was starting in the back of my head.

     That left the only other person in the room, a human named Kiya. She was here because she was a medical doctor...and the fact that she and I had a complicated relationship. This was not the time to keep in self-denial. I loved her. She was the second of three people that I had allowed myself to love. Therein lied the problem.

My Mistress didn't like her, needless to say. I had never been one to indulge in my human side, I was usually more vampire. But I had with Kiya and after a time, I fell for her. It wasn't my smartest plan, I'd seen my Mistress's reaction the last time I had found myself in that situation. That was the third person I had ever allowed myself to love.

     My breath came slow now, my lungs burned as the ravage of years assaulted them. I laboured to draw air into them. I saw my Mistress lean forward to be near me. Kiya paused and looked at me. She wanted to come closer but my Mistress's glare kept her at bay. Seth and Christopher were able to be civil and share the other side of the bed.

     Drawing courage from being a doctor finally got Kiya to come forward to examine me. The worry in her eyes told me that time was running out.

"I think it's time for everyone to say goodbye before he can't breathe anymore, or his heart stops." Kiya directed and I saw my Mistress's gaze soften I didn't know if it was toward me or her.

"Let the little human girl go first." my Mistress waved her hand. To my shock the vampire who had given me long life moved from my bedside to let Kiya come closer.

     Kiya came and sat on the side of the large bed. She reached for my hand and I allowed her to take it. The grip that enveloped my hand was tight. Her fear radiated toward me. I met it with my inner calm.

"I don't want you to die." she said. I gave a shrug, which only aggravated my joints. They had moved onto throbbing with sharp jabs of pain.

"We have exhausted all possibilities. Lamenting on what we want is pointless." I told her and squeezed her hand to take some of the dogma from my words. "I am not upset about it. You shouldn't be either."

"I love you."

     I didn't meet Kiya's eyes when she said that. Instead I looked to my Mistress who was trying hard to not pay attention to what 'the little human girl' was saying. At her confession she got up and walked out of the room entirely. I think she was gving me space, or she didn't want to hear if I responded. Seth waited for a moment after she left, gave me a small smile and followed her out to check on her. Christopher watched with expectant eyes. My gaze came back to Kiya and found her sparkling blue eyes.

"I love you." I told her. "I haven't said that in nearly a thousand years. I suppose I can't continue to deny it if I am going to die."

     She came forward and gave me a hug. I brought my arms up, even though it was excrucating and embraced her. I felt her tears as lips met and they tasted salty. By the end, it was hard to determine which were her tears and which were mine. Our kiss done, she spun on her heels and bolted from the room.

     As soon as she left,I ignored Christopher's questioning glance and wiped the tears from my own eyes. The exertion winded me and made it even harder to pull breath into my damaged lungs. I cringed from the pain, now that there was no one here to keep up a facade for. The vampire got to his feet and came to me.

     The mattress sank further for the hundred and eighty pound vampire than it had for the hundred and thirty pound thrall. I couldn't read his expression as he regarded me. I thought after he sat there that he wasn't going to speak. I mean, afterall, what could he possibly say.

"I never thought it would be this scenerio. I always figured that you would be mourning me." he said and looked past me to the ornate headboard that stood at the front of the Queen-sized bed. I gave a weak smile through the pain. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw my Mistress and Seth re-enter the room. They stayed back to allow me a moment with my best friend.

"That makes two of us." I admitted. As careless as he normally was, I thought for certain I would outlive him. He reached out and took my hand, covering it with his other.

"You go tell me what the Elysian Fields are like. Save me a spot."

"I doubt that's where the Fates have destined for me."

"Good bye, Nathaniel." Christopher said. The bottom of his eyes were a shade of deep red. They threatened to fall when he blinked. "You have been my best friend."

"I will see you again, Christopher." I told him. As with Kiya, he turned and left the room.

     Seth was the next to approach. He said nothing but reached his arm out for me. Despite my body's protest, I clasped it one last time. When he stepped back he didn't leave. His stare moved from me to my Mistress who now approached.

     She didn't sit, but stood and looked at me. She wasn't going to cry now, but I saw that she had been.

"You have always made me proud, Nathaniel." she started. "I never should have kept from turning you."

"You had your reasons, Mistress. It has been an honour to be your thrall." I said. I felt myself sinking farther. My end was near.

     My lungs felt thick as I tried to dry air through them. My heart was pounding and my chest was starting to give me pain that would be hard to control. My Mistress looked like she wanted to end the conversation there but from behind her Seth cleared his throat. It wasn't necessary, but it sent a clear message. There was something he wanted her to tell me. With a glance back, and not even a mean one, she turned to me.

"I was afraid." she said and refused to look at me. "I believed if I turned you, the compulsion that kept you at my side would very likely be destroyed and you would leave."

"I never would have left your side, Mistress."

     I didn't have time to digest her confession. My heart starting pounding in my ears, I got light-headed and I felt my Mistress's hand gather up mine and squeeze it. After a long moment, the pain subsided and I saw in my daze that Kiya had re-entered the room and was at my drug dispenser.

     With a look at my Mistress, who nodded, Kiya punched in some numbers. My Mistress looked at me and cupped my chin as I tried to look away.

"I love you, Nathaniel. Sleep now." she commanded and I closed my eyes.

     I felt the massive dose of drugs enter my system and everything inside of me relaxed. Moments later, I drew my last breath.