ONCE UPON A TIME

ONCE UPON A TIME 

“I don’t care what you...s sa say” Elmer stuttered. “I th thi think som someone is listening to us.” 

Bob gave a shrug as he replied to Elmer. “Of course, he is. That’s why they hired him...to carry his shotgun around...stomp on the ground now and then and act tough. All the while guarding us, and naturally. So...You were correct in saying...I think someone is listening to us.” 

Yosemite Sam was the first to note/agree: “Yer Gal darn right, I’m lisnen! Andoncha forgit it!”  

“Easy for you to say, Bob. As mean and ferocious as you are, no one’s going to mess with you.” 

Yosemite Sam’s brow furrowed: “I ain’t never been ‘fraid of no measly bobcat! As long as I got my shotgun slung over my arm!”  

Bob relaxed even more by lying on his tummy, with his head between his front paws. Then, in his best Carey Grant impersonation: “Yosemite, ol’ boy...I do hope you realize I...and my kindred cousins are on the list of ENDANGERED SPECIES.” 

  “Well, in my opinion...” Lucy began. “Philosophically speaking, Bob’s correct. None of us have anything to fear. Let the snoops listen. And furthermore, I for one would welcome an open forum where all of our closest friends could express their own sentiments on the matter of: Who should be allowed to listen in...and for how long...to any of our personal conversations. All in favor?” 

There was an overwhelming roar from those present. (Well, perhaps not a roar, but certainly a unanimous vote in favor of Lucy’s proposal.) And with a great deal less confusion than with any American Congress or British Parliament, that’s for certain! 

 Charlie stepped forward, making certain there was ample space for him to slip in behind Bob. 

“F frai fraidy cat...fraidy cat, Charlie’s a fraidy cat,” Elmer finally managed. “Hiding behind Bob Kat, eh?” 

   “Well Elmer, congratulations. I don’t recall in all my years, your being able to complete a single sentence without stuttering,” Lucy offered in her normal pedantic tone.  

In the meanwhile, Charlie made a beeline for the doghouse. Fished around inside and came out with goggles, and a second pair, this time: Yellow-tinted goggles; returning the regular goggles to a hook inside the doghouse, he put on the tinted-goggles.  

While Lucy was getting things under control with baby-brother Linus, and Charlie was involved with his selection of goggles—with practically everyone watching... An old...a very old man with long hair, a shaggy beard and mustache... wearing just a white sheet around his waist and holding a lyre, offered a suggestion, based upon his own experiences: “Be strong, saith my heart; I am a soldier; I have seen worse sights than this.”  

Turning to her friends, Lucy offered, with bowed head: “Amen, and amen, while grinning all the while.  

But Lucy being Lucy...the ‘Amen’ didn’t necessarily mean she was through. Like the politician she would one day become...it was usually just a beginning. Lucy Van Pelt, bending over to pick up her baby brother, Linus, she made certain to wrap his dirty, ragged blanket around him to keep him warm. But, in the process she knocked his pacifier...( Chupeta for Brazilian or Portugues readers...) free and down into Linus’s diaper. “Ugh...” Lucy groaned softly at her ‘smelly faux Pas.”  

Linus, squawked a bit...then in the process of wiggling about, the Chupeta was revealed. Lucy gave it a quick wipe with Linus’s not so clean blanket, then stuffed it into her baby brother’s mouth. Looking about to make certain no one would hear...Lucy added: “That’ll have to do...until I get you home...and give you a bath, you dirty-little pig.” (What on Earth happened to our sweet, young academically gifted, girl in the neighborhood? Actually, that’s what happens when Americans—on both sides of the aisle—become embroiled in politics!) 

Lucy was only a few feet from the front door, when Charlie Brown—sitting on top of the doghouse—wearing a pair of ‘yellow-tinted goggles, covered with dead flies and bugs in a variety of species, swooped down like a—Junkers Ju 87 / Stuka—a German, World War Two dive bomber.  

The only thing lacking for Charlie was the easily recognizable inverted gull wings and fixed spatted undercarriage—including automatic pull-up dive brakes under both wings; in case a pilot blacked out...at the supersonic speed created during the dive. And lest we forget...TWO BOMBS! 

Even with all those features, the scariest for troops or innocent civilians was the Stuka’s formidable attack; the shrieking roar as it dived toward its target, released its bombs, then abruptly pulled up. All that...or should it be: Without all that’...? 

Just prior to an ending to all this nonsense, Lucy offered an epilogue, by reading from Homer’s epic poem, The Iliad.  

Never one to shy away from displaying her ‘mental superiority’ Lucy, without any notes...or anything else to read...such as from Wikipedia:   

“It is set during the Trojan War and portrays the brutality of war. However, it also highlights the humanity of the warriors involved. In Book VI, Homer shows greater humanity in wartime by depicting the soldiers’ emotional and personal lives. For instance, Hektor, a Trojan prince, visits his wife and baby son on the walls overlooking the battlefield. Andromache, his wife, pleads with him not to endanger himself any longer and begs him to have pity on her and their infant child. Hektor admits his concern for Andromache but says that he must consider his reputation and his duty. He adds that he often worries about the fate of his dear wife and son after he is dead and his city has been captured, but that a mortal cannot change the will of the gods. After saying this, Hektor kisses Andromache and Astyanax and leaves.” Unquote... Too bad some leaders...of some countries can’t learn from past wars! Amen and Amen... 

Cast, in order of appearance: 

Elmer Fudd – Speech impediment 

Yosemite Sam – and shotgun/rifle? 

Bobcat / Cool Cat 

Lucille "Lucy" Van Pelt - Smart / Philosophical i.e. Snob par excellence.  

Charlie Brown – Often a World War I Ace, soaring atop his doghouse.  

Credits to Charles M. Shultz. Deceased 2000.  

Homer – of Iliad and Odyssey fame (Not sure of his last name.) When I ‘requested: Homer’s last name. Lo and behold my computer came up with: HOMER JAY SIMPSON. (There’s a joke in there, somewhere. You find it. 😊 lol 

P.S. Linus was a ‘no show’...couldn’t make it: Too busy trying to find his ‘blankie’ and ‘chupeta!