Bob's Bad Luck

Bob was a very thoughtful fellow, although he was uncoordinated. He made a lot of oversights. Even though he would try things, they didn’t always work out. Bob was a caveman, a real Neanderthal, and he loved to create. He invented new things all the time. But he would make little mistakes along the way, usually resulting in a fight, accident, or calamity, making people very unenthusiastic about his work. When he tried the T-Rex taxi, the village banished him from their valley, into a cave on the mountain.

One day Bob woke up in his cave. It was a beautiful day and the wild triceratops rested peacefully in the valley below. But Bob could not enjoy such things, for the mountains were cold and Bob was freezing. Bob was cold and today was the ice hunt. The first day of winter when the hunters of the village disappear to the ice caps for months. He knew they would be cold, so Bob would invent something that would help them stay warm.

Bob’s first invention was a blanket, made out of hide from the buffalosaurus. Six-legged creatures that have brown fur coats, horns, and are about the size of a bulldozer. Hunting had been hard but Bob managed to kill it with a quick slam of his club. Bob had made the blanket out of the hide by cutting open the stomach, climbing inside, and when he was in it, stitched it back up, and wrapped it up tight. “It could be warmer but they won’t accept anything but perfect,” he said to himself. Bob tried to get out but he was cocooned up and stuck. “Ugh, I knew I shouldn’t have stitched it together.” While Bob struggled the village escorts came to pick him up for the ice hunt celebration. Bob was still stuck when they knocked, and then they barged in by breaking the door down. Bob writhed around in the suit until they found him in the back of the cave. They didn’t want to startle the beast so they did not get close enough and could not see the crude stitching. Bob’s grumbling was muffled by the buffalosaurus skin blanket. It looked and sounded like a real buffalosaurus. So they thought an easy kill was up for the taking. As the arrow hit the suit it penetrated through the hide straight into Bob’s butt. “Aaargh '' screamed Bob. “What is in there!” asked the first guard. “If I knew I'd tell you, man, '' exclaimed the second. “Just let me out,” said Bob with a sigh. “Shot in the but again” grumbled Bob as he stepped out with an arrow sticking out of his left cheek. 

As Bob’s first plan failed the guards tried to take him to the village without his project complete. So Bob whipped out the old rock board to show them what he would do next. They came to a compromise; Bob had thirty minutes or they would leave without him. So Bob got to work right away, cutting some wood and getting the flint rock. He had to steal a steel arrowhead from the escorts. Then, Bob started to rub the flint and steel together. Suddenly, he had a reddish-yellowish color hot thing! He did it. Bob named it Fire!

From there they left together, and Bob rode in the back of a carriage, tending the flames. Bob felt the warm smoke on his face and the black burned wood was hot! (he knew he shouldn’t have touched it.) They had been riding for about thirty minutes when Bob started looking out his window. The sun looked so bright because he had just been inside a giant animal's skin. He couldn’t look outside without remembering the days, or maybe just hours stuck in the skin of another animal. But that only made it more tempting to look outside. The green meadow before him was riddled with trees, plants, and giant mosquitos sucking the blood of the herd of triceratops. The bump of the carriage occasionally hitting a rock was also calming. Riding was peaceful, until the driver suddenly looked back and started screaming something about fire safety regulations and how he would get fired. The driver dropped the reins, and let the paralophosaurus run wild. While in his fit he didn’t see the big rock coming. Bob tried to tell him but he refused to listen. Bob braced for the moment he would hit the rock. SLAM! Gravel flew around in a flurry of dust, and the carriage tilted.

He flew through the air in what seemed like slow motion. He saw the guards hit the ceiling and the driver fly out the back, but most important of all, his fire flew out too. The red-hot coals glowed while they tumbled out the back of the carriage. Along with Bob and a monkey? (He was just as confused as you are). Bob landed on his still sore cheek and tumbled face-first into the coals. And screamed as he rolled down the hill with a fire racing towards him. The fire singed the hair on his back, which had never been shaved, and was pretty hairy. As Bob rolled down the hill he saw that he had caused a stampede as well, so he tried to slow down to help. Unfortunately, Bob grabbed the rocky road which provoked a rock slide. So by the time, Bob got to the village the people were being smashed against flaming walls by a rocky and messy disaster.

 Bob had an idea, he would use his pterodactyl caller to get some aerial support. Otherwise, the people would be trampled. As he took out the small cloth he fumbled over the callers and grabbed the wrong one. “WOO” the loud sound of the caller rang through the air. 

Bob sat and watched the trees shake as a dozen brachiosaurus rammed into the village walls. Their massive bodies took the brunt of the rocks and stomped out the flames, squishing houses and wrecking buildings along the way. When the destruction finally stopped, the people formed an angry mob and closed in on Bob.

Bob woke up in a daze. He was sitting in the courtroom of the village chief. A place that had a domed roof twenty feet up, and stretched out like an array of feathers. “Please, rise,” said an awkward voice from the front of the room. Bob tried to get up but he was tied to the chair. “Oh never mind, just look at me” boomed a voice that he very well remembered. It was the village chief. As he looked up he saw a scrawny teenager next to the chief. “You have committed many crimes including, arson, manslaughter, and vandalism. Have you not?” asked the chief in a bored tone “Well, maybe a little,” Bob told them the story. “Okay then, I the chief of this village banish you to the banish land, and you will leave in an hour. So pack up your stuff”. The guards showed Bob the exit. “Ugh” Bob mumbled as he walked out. Bob was only trying to give the village something. He was lonely and he missed his people, but they wouldn’t let him back to the village unless he brought something great.

The trip was four-thousand six hundred twenty-three miles. Around mile seven hundred, he realized he needed to bring back the T-Rex taxi. He posted the pamphlets for the job all around the dino net, and when nothing showed up for three days he was confused. He gave them so many health benefits and a bone a day. He set up camp for the first night and realized he had put the wrong date on the flyers. He would have a line of T-Rexs at his front door in the morning, so he set up his interview station and made a sign that told them the requirements: prior work experience and full-time availability. With that, Bob went to sleep.

Bob woke up with a monkey in his lap. He was too tired to notice it at first but he found out later when the monkey did his interviews. He was interested in a specific T-Rex named John for a two-year program. John was a good T-Rex and he only ate people when he was hungry, so, after a job performance check he was hired. So Bob packed up his camp and started for the banishment lands. The monkey named Bob Jr had to go to the bathroom so we waited until the nearest rest stop. It was a small place, nothing like the one in his old village though. A small selection of grub, bathrooms, and decently sized trough for John to pig out in. After John finished his meal, Bob Jr harnessed him up. So they kept moving at a good pace until they got to the exile lands several days later. 

The place had not been used in a long time. The dinosaurs roamed freely which made Bob angry because he was afraid the dinosaurs would banish him from this land too. He started to sing about cooking dinosaurs. For some reason, they always left after two verses. When the carnivores had left Bob let Bob Jr be the planning director. Turns out Bob Jr the monkey was such a dictator. But in around two nights Bob had a paradise, a two-story house with a pool and heating system. All of the new technology went into the house.

But Bob could not enjoy his life. He knew the hunters were probably freezing unless they took the fire with them, and they were gone for so long because they couldn’t bring dinosaurs into the snowcaps. That's it! Bob would get them rides. Then they would have to let him back into the village, and he would go to the snow caps and bring fire to stay warm. His plan was foolproof. All Bob needed was the metals used to create fire. Bob Jr would set up a plan, then dinosaurs would do the rest. Bob had so many materials to use for anything, he couldn’t take it all. So Bob Jr stayed behind to run the first delivery service and sent them off with delivery dinos. 

The delivery dinos passed village after village and kept delivering packages. Bob had to ride on a new dino because John stayed with Bob Jr. Finally Bob got to the village of his home. The village people had ordered many things to repair their village from Bob’s last encounter with them. They told him to go and die in the ice caps, but that did not discourage him. He made it to the end of the known forest right into the ice caps. The first thing he realized was that it was cold, so he brought out his fire, and instantly felt the warmth fill his bones, making him a very cheerful individual. Bob had to get to the herds, and he spurred his ride into action. But it did not move. “This is as far as we go, man,” said his dino ride. He heaved a sigh, he knew they would have to go get more packages soon.

Bob found that it was harder to get the snow creatures to help him than the dinosaurs. Attempt after attempt failed because they just didn’t speak caveman, they didn’t even read the flyers! Bob would not take no for an answer, he had tried to tell the snow creatures to help but they barely moved. Most of all they did not like the fire. One day, Bob was just convincing them to help when he took out the fire, and they totally freaked out. Only the leader controlled them, so when he told them to calm down, Bob’s whole world got better. The mammoths went back to the negotiation, they would only help if the woolly rhinos helped.

Even though Bob thought the mammoths were hard to get on board, the rhinos just didn’t care. They just wandered around randomly doing nothing, so obviously, Bob had to help in some way. Bob knew what the rhinos wanted; he just did not know how to get it. The rhinos thankfully spoke to the caveman, so Bob knew that they had an uneasy relationship with the tigers, who would always try and eat the rhinos. They did not like it when the tigers made an appearance, they felt intimidated. So Bob had to rid their land of tigers, he hoped they would be understanding.

Turns out the tigers just came over when the hunters endeavored to hunt them. The tigers were very understanding, they just shifted their hunting lands to the end of the ice, making it unattainable for the hunters to get them without rides or warmth. This made Bob feel like a traitor, he was going to give the hunters both of the things they required to go anywhere they would like.

So Bob whipped together a team of wooly creatures. As Bob rode to the hunter's compound he felt the warmth of the fur. He thought about the blanket and how he could improve it with the pelt of these creatures. The thought of butchering such chilly animals made him miserable. He had used to dream about going to the ice hunt to prove himself to his dad. Now it seemed pitiful that humans could be so cruel. 

When Bob made it to the compound, the hunters had already noticed them and sent a small party of four men to come to intercept them. “What business do you have here?” asked the man in front. “Only to provide my services,” Bob told them. They let him pass with the herd. They led him through their encampment, a small mass of tents inside the line of barbs that were the same as the one guarding the city. All of the tents were strewn along a road that led to the main structure. The hunters assembled there and spent most of their time (aside from hunting) there.

The fellow that had accompanied them took off his mask, it was Dob. His old friend from the village, “What services do you wish to bring?” asked Dob. Bob puffed out his chest like he was getting an award “My herd.” The whole crowd gasped. “But we track them, wouldn’t it be safer to not bring the game here?” asked the guy in the back. “Yes it would be safer, but the fur is obtainable in a way cleaner than killing,” “Watch” Bob pulled out the world's first sheers, a side invention that he had been working on. He had constructed them on those cold nights when he couldn’t sleep. Bob asked the animals one more time to see if it was okay, then demonstrated the sheers. The people watched in amazement as the fur came right off and fell into a nice little pile. Everyone clapped except for one person, “They are not connected, how do we wear them?” he thought he had Bob in a pickle. He simply shook his head, “you have not let me finish yet” said Bob with a sigh. He pulled out his second invention. The world’s first wool needles, and once more demonstrated how to use them. After he had completed a blanket he gave it to them as a gift. “This is for you to use it and make many more” Then went to the leader, pulled out his fire, and gave it to him. “Use it wisely”. He was quite thankful that the mammoths didn’t freak out, they had come to be used to the fire. Bob had thought he did it, he finally did it, and now he would be remembered for generations to come.

That is until the stampede happened. An arrow shaft sprouted from the ribcage of the smallest rhino. All of the rhinos and mammoths charged the humans. The one who doubted led the humans to the rafters where it was safe. “We can’t grow soft, these creatures should be far away. They should fear us, what are we here for.” Some guys said it for the experience, the others, not so much. “To kill” they all screamed.

While the man rallied his fellow hunters, Bob tried to make peace down below. The fire wasn’t helpful in the making of peace, while in confusion the leader who had taken the fire was killed and the fire spread quickly. The walls were burning down and crumbling so the warriors on the rafters were falling in flames. Everything was chaos, amidst the confusion Bob got in the way of a charging mammoth and was killed along with the man he tried to protect.

It was a massacre. Many were slain, for both sides of this battle, but the few that escaped were the real traitors. They left their people in a flaming battle amongst a bigger opponent, and they ran to the village making a plan to blame it on Bob and gain riches for saving the colony. While testifying in court a party of seven burst in with their new mounts. They told the story of how the one who killed first was also the one claiming innocent, the village chief heard them out and congratulated them with a mighty reward. The guilty of the crimes was awarded the punishment of death. In the end, Bob thought he had died a failure, but he was even more famous than his dad. People still use all of his inventions, (just a little modified) the blanket is now accompanied by a bed, fire is used for recreation, and we still use mounts called cars to travel in. So in the end, though many died for the sake of his inventions, Bob was the greatest caveman to ever live.