Bliss

I was sitting at my favourite corner of the bar when my attention was drawn to the movement of this guy, well, not his movement at first, but his red-dyed dreaded hair and weird mustache - he was a kaleidoscope of both the contemporary and the ancient man. I watched as he approached you in a bid to ignite a conversation. I could almost hear him whimper as you dismissed him with a solid cold stare. "A tough one" I thought to myself refocusing on my drink.

   The realization was immediate, I instantly noticed myself noticing you. I noticed that you weren't having fun and that you wanted nothing more than to leave. I noticed your two companions as well, there was no doubt they were having a good time - I recognize them instantly, they are regulars at the 'Cubana Club' just like I am. They are a wild pair who will definitely continue clubbing until well after midnight... that's how they roll every Friday night.

   I remember how the air inside the club suddenly turned into a conduit. The longer I stare at you, the stronger the conduit was transmitting your emotions into my mind, I could somehow feel what u feel- I remember how lonely and caged it felt like. I can't remember how I got there, but I found myself sitting beside you, i could have walked or probably zoomed through a portal. I can't remember what I said but i was talking and it was funny because you were laughing. The only thing I remember was that I approached you with a single mission in mind - to safe you from the cage. A beautiful bird does not belong in a cage, it should be in the open with enough room to spread its wings and show off its colours.

   I saved you, or so I thought...

The Chinese restaurant right across the street from my work station started seeing less of me. I started shunting the almost daily dinner dates with my friends and coworkers, the restaurant was always our last point of call before we all retire to our individual homes, it was a silent ritual we all adhere to. I couldn't help it. There's something about the air in your lair; I was always in a hurry to return to it, and to be devoured by u, tenderly. I could never be apart from you for long. The air always finds me regardless of my location, it is always conveying an encrypted message from you, a message only I can decrypt.

   I didn't notice then but gradually my world began to shrink. Every 'me' was gradually replaced by an 'us' until there was only a traced presence of a 'me' within me. Gradually, we dissolved into a single person, an individual inhabiting two extremely polar bodies - probably why our collision was always explosive and electrifying.

   I didn't know how you did it then, I still don't really understand the mechanism you employed to subdue my world and to change me while giving me the impression that i was changing you. To control me while making me believe I was controlling you. To rip me of all strength while at the same time making me the hero. You were always good at adding structures to words to make me feel them, they always hit me hard. I remember u were always full of ideas, ideas you never implement. At first I thought all you needed was a push in the right direction, so I pushed and I kept pushing until I felt myself moving, but backward. I remember how inclined I was to always do your biddings, there were moments that I could have given you the 'multiverse' if you had demanded the universe from me - I was always prepared to do more than you needed. 

   Then gradually, I became reclusive. I got into your world so deep, it became mine. I remember how we can spend an entire weekend in your bed - time was not a quantity in the bliss we created, it was merely a beautiful piece of art adorning your bedroom wall, a painting by the great 'Alligiery Dante' himself, an art we can stare at for a multiple eternity in a single glance. I remember how impossible it was to document anything in d timeless parallel world we created, it was like living in a constant short loop.

   There comes a time however, when reality overrides every bliss, when infatuations must give way to nature... Even a bliss can become suffocating and gradually transforms into a prison. It was a feeling I love, yet, suffocating still. Gradually, It began to feel as if I was locked in a tight eternal embrace - it was getting harder and harder to breath. I held too firmly to you that I didn't noticed when I lost my grips on the world around me, the world I once love.

   I can remember how long it took for me to fully reconnect with my old friends and my old world. How out of place I use to feel at first, when I couldn't understand why certain alien words were funny... It took me a while to understand the new slangs that were introduced while I was away. I was like a new born learning how to walk.

   I remember the many subsequent parties that I had to leave early because you suddenly got bored. The many cinema movies I've had to cut short because you were suddenly sleepy. I remember the many vacations we've had to cut short because u suddenly became homesick, not also forgetting the many business trips I've had to reschedule or even cancel because of your sudden ailment... Remembering these things now made me realize that you've always been sick of everything, everything but your bliss. A bliss that I was delusional to think we've created. You were in it all along - it was your creation long before we met. I was only absorbed into it.

   Now I realize that I didn't safe you after all, you needed no saving - you were the cage.. I was the bird trapped inside. I need to be in the open, I need room to spread my wings.

So am keeping a healthy distance from you, I need to break all ties with the air. Am removing myself from the bliss. Am never going out with you again.