Jaded

The wind doused the smoke, crackles of the buildings, and the screams of the..... pieces falling. Listening to the rumbling of destruction evoked a sound similar to that of submersion beneath the ocean.

Ever wonder what it's like to lose the thing you love. A story of opposites. There's a certain peace in chaos, such as this; like it's usurping all your senses and using a new one to hold you. Assuming you have a grasp of the situation, every problem in the world will fade. But as you close your eyes, picturing yourself floating in this ocean, there's this thing. A prickle on your neck; a sensation that just barely stays below the surface of being classified as an 'itch'. It ignites every mental nerve with madness. You feel like falling dead of guilt or fighting out of pure anger. But there is nothing to contact, apologize or combat, but yourself. During this, a question appears over your eyes: is it worth it? This is the kind of choice I faced at this moment, but I became changed. For that, I thank you, old friend.

*

I sat at the bent fence. My bag was beside me, zipped tight because we had just run. The scaffold I was atop overstretched leaning buildings, the front forbearing a domed skylight building filled with green light. Probably those gases that are so often accursed here. As my head lay against the metal bar, the cold line sent a sensation through my occipital bone, almost as if I could taste it. Perhaps that was from earlier today, very earlier as I looked up at the crescent moon. It illuminated the steel floor almost like looking at a boxing ring, and I was taking a break.

Although it was no boxing match because he came walking through. "I looked around, I think they won't find us." I nodded with my usual focused expression, "Go watch for them, they will come."

As he left I turned attention to Jade, the girl sitting just across from me. While I made it look like I was not staring, I couldn't help notice her dark pupil-filled eyes. Her black hair was tied back, with a large loose lock nearly covering one eye. As she sat in front of me on a stool she must have found, she twisted her brown soft hands, while her eyes looked at my own. As a gust of wind passed me by, I knew it would do no good just subtly staring, "Going to tell me what happened?" She broke her gaze for a second, "I let her escape."

I tightened my grip around the bag next to me, "Do you know how many people pull stunts like this and live? We were hired to do one job"

"She is different, she can change everything, you saw it yourself."

"I saw fools making empty promises, I'd think you would know better."

She suddenly narrowed her eyes, "You know you're a cynic. Just because you hate everyone in that house doesn't mean that I share your sentiment. When I see proof of faith, I don't betray it."

I reached into my trenchcoat, pulling out an unconventional explosive.

*

I walked along the cobbled stone road past the other citizens migrating past. A man turning to a stand holding out his skeletal hand fisted with money. A girl tugging on her parents is to get across the bridge, leading to the city.

The bustle drowned out the firey blares from the underground which I just escalated away from. Replacing it was the airships flying overhead and to the city. 'The beacon' that blinded me harnessing the reflection of the near set sun. Two enforcers relieved on the bridge compression with their rifles at their sides. I tried to reassure myself, this was it. I go get the prize, I can finally disappear and put and end to this. Enforcers were just another fucking obstacle. 'Double the price, triple the challenge', Jonathan, my financier and temporary employer, said to me.

Madness, I thought. 100 million for what? That slick worm Jonathan knew how good I was, but didn't want to make it easy for me. He was the only one who still told me what to do, even after gaining the respect of almost everyone in the underground. Providing me with no extra support except Jade. But I need to be grateful for what I have, I thought as I found Jade next to the monument. When she saw me, her eyes darted and she slowly backed away, "I thought it would take longer."

I sighed, "Things move fast up here." And for a second I focused on the newly constructed city tower. The large ring in its center which I just knew was made for the entire land to see.

I then turned toward the monument, an 8-foot green marble semicircle wall with thousands of names inscribed on it. "You're not going to find him here."

She nodded, then laughed a little, "I know, I know, friends, right. Always piss you off but you can't live without them." She took out one of her many knives, "I can't help but feel that maybe he was right."

"He lied Jade. he used you for what he considered 'correct'. It wasn't your fault that happened. but you need to move on. Scream, do whatever you have to. We have a job"

"A job for money, what about our promise to improve lives, for the underground?"

"Bullshit!" I said. She looked away turning.

I rolled my eyes, she got hung up on that idea, that we owed them something. I needed her to remember that we had nothing to prove. I took a breath, I couldn't flip again. I took her hand holding the knife, "We don't have to be perfect. Don't pretend that you're the one that killed him."

I glanced over the street seeing Jasper signaling me. He had gotten the schematics of the building. He had his usual confident smirk as if nothing could possibly go wrong. He didn't think so earlier when we had to cross the pathway. I smiled at the irony. Why couldn't Jade have what he had, confidence? I couldn't blame her completely though, if she hadn't intervened, maybe he would have made it. But fragile as her mentality was, I needed her focused.

"Ready to make things right?" She smiled, it seemed forced, but then again, I never saw her smile a lot, genuinely at least.

I motioned for her to follow as I turned towards the meeting point.

*

I reached into my trenchcoat, pulling out an unconventional explosive. Wires ran along its exterior with metal pikes ejecting from its top. I made sure to avoid gripping it by the pin, although some urge told me that it was an easy way to clean this shit up.

I handed it to her, "We have to complete this job."

She smiled, "Remember the first time I made this. We were sitting on that bridge and we were going to test it. We flung it over the open water and 'pow' it went. Pow pow pow..." She giggled, I giggled back. I joined in, "But enforcers heard it, turning on those blinding lights. You said, 'Should have chosen a better spot.'"

"Everything was better then. I truly thought everything was just about us. That's why I couldn't understand why he did what he did. I hated him for what he did, I hated myself for not stopping it. But as time passed, I respected him for giving it a try. (Pause) I think after a lot of thought he was on onto something. What the hell, I'll just say it, I want to continue his work."

I became worried, "Please, don't forget who we are, we are all we need, this is all we need."

She, with a pondering yet spiteful smile, gazed down at the clutched device she had created, a tool she used to get past obstacles. I just never thought that she would use them for the wrong ones. "Our entire community was behind his cause. He game them life, purpose. You said, 'his promises were no different from that of topside,' he just wanted something better than them. We're from a world where there is never enough for all, this is what we fought for. Don't you remember?"

*

I hurried down the stairs lit by the dim torches. I almost collapsed at the bottom, clutching my paralyzed leg. I hoped it didn't as if I didn't have enough trouble with the bag. I swung open the door and briskly closed it, the only sound: the cling of the metal knob plated kissing the wall. In less than 5 seconds, I crossed the oriental rug, and underneath a large chandelier. As I stepped outside the indoor gate, she was there waiting, "I lost her. She just disappeared from the party."

Leaning against a pristine green beam, I took out a cane and threw her the bag, "Jasper is securing us a ride out. Anyone finds you?"

"Yeah, but he's wasted."

Footsteps halted her speech, and we crouched down waiting until they disappeared. I collapsed from the pain on my leg, as I slid down the wall coming to a gradual quiety stop in the floor. She moved closer and found the tear not only in my pants, but a blade head just visible out of my lower stomach like a candle on a cupcake. "Can you walk?" I shrugged. "There might be more, wait a moment before we go home." She sat beside me clutching my leg. She looked up with a tender gaze with those amazing eyes of hers. "Max, what we saw back there, she just promised to put an end to our troubles." I was about to refute her idea, but the perpetual sting in my body, veins actually, said otherwise. Might as well let her have her piece. She had enough already these past months. She proceeded, "She displayed her advancements, and they were beyond anything we could have imagined. Do you know why I agreed to this? It's not just because I'm paying off my debt. I have learned during my time away. You can only hold onto what happened before we created our 'enterprise.' We had nothing. Want to know what kept me at your side all those years, loyalty. We were with Jasper and a few other back to back against whatever the world threw at us. I want to expand to get in touch with the citizens."

I tried to chime in despite my pain, "You and I are the only cause worthy in this world. You once knew that, and loved it. We completed jobs and got money without a worry. You slaughtered enforcers like you were crushing a rat. Now you're asking me to share my air with bitches like them, who leech us dry. You don't know these people just because your friend was one of them."

"I work for a cause bigger than me. But this whole mess just proves how you and I are not the same."

I thought a moment. Never had I heard her even remotely out loud consider leaving me. She was my best friend, I needed her. I leaned in exhaling loudly as I did, "Jade, no matter what you choose, I need to know that I can be there for you. I don't want you getting into anything you can't handle."

Dong Dong Dang Dong. "Oh shit!" I looked up at the clock, we had 3 minutes to get out.

"Jasper is securing our exit. Can you walk?"

Muttering 'yeah' I got up. I did not hear the guards enter the room, "Oy, stop!"

Jade turned and threw her knife, dissapearing in between his eyes as he collapsed. But she collapsed simutansily, struck. She was fine with sneaking in and getting a hostage, but killing a person seemed to jolt a realization in her. "I...I can't do this." I looked at her, "Jade look at me, you saved me, now let's go." Helping me stand, we pushed the door open as I held my cane and slammed it on the ground to walk.

*

"I remember you throwing me in the dirt because you thought she was your family. First, you feel sorry for him, and now his sister! What you did back there has not only set us back but has proven that you are still incapable of working effectively! We are out of time and either we find her before those shits do, or we are going to go back to Jonathan who will seize our organization, and the enforcers take whatever is left! Did you learn nothing from her?"

She screamed and grabbed the pin.

She grabbed the pin and moved in closer. I panicked and leaned further up against the already precarious rod fence. All I could do was look at her scrunched wrinkled expression. I couldn't tell what I felt, but seeing likes this was horrible for me. I never wanted this. I wasn't sure if I was more worried about her pulling the pin, or screaming and letting the enforcers know we were here. After a moment, she slammed the grenade into the metal floor.

"I didn't want to kill any of them in there, but I choose you. I made the right decision back there, letting her go. You can never be bigger than you are." She paused and breathed like she was about to vomit but nothing came out but breath, "You were everything."

I started to cry, "Jade. You were right. I've always hated them because they never looked after me. No 'saint' every looked after me. Not like you have. Just remember, I will always be there for you."

She began to soften and smile. But them she became confused, "Why are you still sad."

I felt like I was going to die, I was paler than the moon above me. I looked at my clock, it's late. C'mon, just blow, quickly make it fast.

Suddenly, an explosion boomed from the bridge. Jade stood and moved to the edge of the scaffold getting a perfect glimpse of the newly formed chasm between top and bottom of our land.

Better late than never.