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Drama Funny Contemporary

(There is a table center stage and a door up stage right. WOMAN 1, WOMAN 2, AND MAN 1 are seated at this table, frozen like statues. There is the sound of someone struggling with the door handle before THE NARRATOR enters.)

THE NARRATOR

Sorry for coming late, hope I didn’t keep you waiting. 

(There is no response from any of the people at the table. THE NARRATOR turns towards the audience.)

Right, uhm. I guess I should introduce myself, I am The Narrator. If you are reading this you already know that, if you are an audience member you didn’t (Stage directions and all). I was just some guy until I gave myself a name, but I’m getting off track. Where were we? Ah, yes the scene. As The Narrator it is my job to make sure all scenes are acted out in their entirety as the author intended. I read the stage directions, which causes the actors to come to life. Now, shall we get started? 

(THE NARRATOR clears his throat before opening up his script.)

 Lights up.

(The actors come to life, and the scene begins to play out.)

A man and a woman are seated at a table caught up in a casual conversation. A waiter comes out and hands them three menus. They thank him before restarting their previous conversation until a woman enters from upstage, she sits down across from the couple.    

WOMAN 1

We’re so sorry for making you come out here on such short notice, but we have a special announcement. 

WOMAN 2

Oh, it’s no problem at all, really. So-o-o what is this big announcement? 

THE NARRATOR

WOMAN 1 holds up her hand, while MAN 1 holds his head down, he is obviously anxious. In a high pitched and ear piercing voice WOMAN 1 says-

WOMAN 1

-We’re engaged!!!

THE NARRATOR

WOMAN 2 quickly stands up before slamming her hands on the table. MAN 1 tries to reach out to her but it is too late before- 

WOMAN 2

You dirty liar! You told me you were going to leave her, you told me that you were going to marry me- 

THE NARRATOR

-STOP! 

(Both WOMEN and MAN 1 freeze in place.)

This has to be wrong, I only asked for happy scripts, and this is…something else. Well, they do say to never judge a book by its cover. Maybe I shouldn’t judge a play by its first page. Let’s skip forward a bit and…

(THE NARRATOR skims through the script and the actors act out a verbal fight scene as if on fast forward.)

…here! WOMAN 2 approaches MAN 1.

WOMAN 2 

MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE CONSULTED YOUR “MORALS” BEFORE GETTING ME PREGNANT- 

THE NARRATOR

WOMAN 1 gasps before slapping MAN 1 and WOMAN 2, causing a huge fight to ensue- STOP!

(The actors freeze again.)

Nope. Not dealing with this. I did not sign up for messy drama. They must have given me the wrong script, I’ll just go check with my superior then we can go back to easy, fun stories.

(THE NARRATOR goes back to the door he entered from and tries to open it, but it is locked.)

Must be jammed! Some of these doors can be quite difficult.

(THE NARRATOR attempts to bust open the door before BOSS opens it, causing THE NARRATOR to fall onto the ground.) 

BOSS

Having troubles I see.

THE NARRATOR 

(Mocking.) Having troubles I see? Yes there are troubles!! You gave me the wrong script. I clearly remember putting on my file I only wanted happy scripts or classics and this is not a classic. 

BOSS

Let me take a look at this… 

(BOSS takes the script THE NARRATOR was holding and skims over it.) 

It’s a dramatic-comedy, so I believe that qualifies as a “happy story” because of the comedy aspect. You might want to consider refiling your script preferences to be more specific.

THE NARRATOR

Can I leave to go do that then?

BOSS

Afraid not, you need to finish the scene properly.

THE NARRATOR

How about you read it and then we can both be happy and get out of here.

BOSS

Not how that works.

(He flips to a random page in the script and begins to read.)

WOMAN 1 proceeds to kick MAN 1 in the groin. 

(The actors stay frozen.)

See, only your words can move the story forward.

THE NARRATOR

 Well what am I supposed to do then?!

BOSS

(Obvious.) Finish the scene. 

THE NARRATOR

I don’t want to see a morally dubious man destroy the life of this random woman while his fiancée berates him and this pregnant lady! That isn’t particularly enjoyable for me.

BOSS

Too bad! This is your job. You tell these stories because no one else can. Just because you didn’t get the easy story you wanted doesn’t mean you can just give up. Even this story is important and you need to deal with it. 

(THE NARRATOR sighs before sitting on the ground.) 

THE NARRATOR

You know I didn’t ask for this to be my job. I was assigned to this for some unknown reason. The first ever script I got was a tragedy. I watched as this guy abused his wife and child before killing them from madness. It was a great script, but it was hard. As I read the words I tried my hardest to keep my eyes on the page, to remind myself it wasn’t real, to do my job, but I kept hearing them scream. They pleaded for it to stop, but he didn’t because I kept reading. It was my job right? When I left I knew no one actually got hurt, but I still felt like I was responsible for them dying. If I had stopped-–if I had listened-–they would be fine. I wish I could have stayed in that limbo. In that peaceful moment before disaster struck, but I couldn’t. I wish it could be that simple, getting to pause time and just exist. I wish this was easy.  

BOSS

Don’t we all? Of course we all want things to be easy, but they rarely ever are. 

(BOSS squats next to THE NARRATOR.)

But we can make our reactions easy. You are welcome to stay here and mope around forever about a scene, or you can get up and get it over with and move on. Which sounds easier?

THE NARRATOR

The first one. 

BOSS

Wrong Answer. Doing nothing is probably the hardest thing for any human to do, so do something instead. Maybe there is a reason you were given this script, or maybe it was random chance. Either way, you need to move on. You won’t gain anything from sitting here, no one will come save you if you don’t put in some work yourself. You need to get yourself up and do the hard thing. It won’t be easy, but it will get easier.

(BOSS stands up before reaching his hand out to THE NARRATOR.)

So, ready to take it from the top? 

(THE NARRATOR takes BOSS’s hand before brushing himself off. They face the audience. Actors take the spots from the beginning of the scene. BOSS gives the script back to THE NARRATOR and gives him an approving nod. THE NARRATOR takes a deep breath.)

THE NARRATOR

Lights up. 

(Black out.)  

July 03, 2024 21:33

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