Brothers

Sean woke early, it was Saturday morning and there was no college today, freedom in the form of escape and Sean loved that. No conforming to classroom standards and etiquette. The day was his to spend with his brother indulging their joint love of the outdoors. He hoped the weather would be nice and the birds singing outside indicated it very well could be. Sean got out of bed and checked the weather on his phone, the weather gods had come to the party it was clear, sunny, and warm all day. He gave a silent thanks to whoever or whatever constituted a weather god and headed for the bathroom to get ready.

Today would-be Declan’s last day before he embarked on a new career in the navy, he would join his first ship in the Persian Gulf tomorrow evening. From that moment forth his professional career would begin and his transition from young adult to adult would be complete. Declan was four years older than Sean; he loved his little brother and would miss him. As he sat at the breakfast table waiting for his little brother to join him a whirlpool of emotions and thoughts consumed his mind, excitement, trepidation, fear, hope and some he could not put a label on, all competed for the undivided attention of his mind.

Sean had always idolized his older brother, for as long as he could remember he had always wanted to be like him. He copied many of the things Declan did and if imitation was as they say, “the greatest form of flattery” then Sean flattered Declan in all aspects of his life. If Declan supported Manchester United then Sean did, if Declan liked a movie or band, Sean liked that movie or band. It was not a conscious devotion; it was a state of been for Sean and he paid it no attention it simply was.

Sean joined Declan at the breakfast table, his brother did not need to tell him his thoughts were occupied, he knew his brother better than anybody and gave him his space. He ate his toast and waited for Declan to acknowledge him. Wherever Declan’s mind had taken him he returned to the present and smiled at his brother,

“You ready for a full day Sean? It’s a beautiful morning, the sun is out and there’s mountains and lakes to be seen brother of mine." Declan said to his brother.

Sean replied “I can’t wait Declan. Do you think we’ll need hats today?”

Declan answered, “I think we do; can you go and grab them, and I’ll load the car up.”

The brothers walked, talked, and reveled in each other’s company. They covered miles and miles, tiredness did not seem to affect them, and the soothing, regenerative aspects of nature worked their magic. Sean knew this would be the last time he would see Declan for four months. That seemed an age to him and every part of him wished the best for Declan, it seemed to Sean that joining the Navy and leaving everything you have known to forge your path was incredibly brave.

***************

Declan and Sean said goodbye the following day at Manchester Airport Terminal Three. A great sadness welled up in Sean and he felt a sense of foreboding. If anybody had asked Sean why he was gripped with a sense of foreboding and what it related to? He would not have provided an answer, due to the simple reason he did not have an answer. Declan boarded the plane and waited for the next part of his life to begin, he had no worries whatsoever regarding Sean, his little brother was intelligent, kind and someone he felt privileged to call family. Four months would pass and when they met again, he would have stories to tell and money to spend. He could spoil his brother, they could possibly go away on holiday together, the possibilities were endless. The turmoil of the previous day was replaced by two overriding emotions, hope and excitement and he checked his phone as he settled into his seat on the plane, there was a text from Sean which read, “I’ll really miss you, please take care of yourself and never change, I can’t wait for you to come home”.

It was Declan’s first evening on board the Royal Navy Vessel which was to become his home for the next four months.

The Chief Officer showed Declan to the bar and asked, “Do you drink?"

Declan replied that he did not,  the older man looked at him as if he’d just arrived from the planet Venus.

“Wrong answer son, maybe you didn’t understand the question, you’re in the Navy now, so let us try this again. Do you drink?”

This time Declan considered his answer, so what if he did not drink? Why did it matter if he did or did not? Declan had never enjoyed drinking so rarely did he do so, however the situation he found himself in felt overbearing and he had no desire to get on the wrong side of this man.

He answered the Chief Officer “Of course I drink, pass me a beer.”

The moment Declan took his first sip of that beer, the Declan that Sean knew had passed into history.

***************

Four months had passed since that first day in the ships bar, Declan had adjusted to his new life onboard and spent all his spare time in the bar with his new ship mates. What else was he to do? It was not like he could go out for a walk in the park or watch the football with his brother, plus it was free, and everybody else onboard did it. The success he had made of his first trip was in part due to his ability to fit in. His favorite part of the day had become that first beer after his work was done. He looked out the window as the plane landed and wondered where he would go for a drink once he dropped off his luggage at home?

Sean could see Declan with his luggage trundling along behind him approaching from the luggage pick up area. He looked different, he was heavier, and he seemed a little flushed. What struck Sean the most was he did not look happy. His usual warm smile was missing, surely, he would be delighted to be home. Declan could see Sean waiting and approached him, he had a great idea and when they reached one another he asked Sean “Do you want to get a drink?”

***************

Declan was now five years into his career in the navy and had risen to the rank of Second Officer. Right now, as his eyes parted, he realized he did not know where he was. He surveyed his surroundings, and the truly horrendous realization of reality gate crashed his world. This was a police cell, there was no doubt. His mind raced, and a feeling of utter despair descended on him, how had he got here? Why was he here? What had happened? Where his memory should be was a black hole with a twisted snarling face that appeared to mock him, he simply could not recall anything of the events that led to his presence here.

The shutter on the cell door snapped open and a voice boomed through “Come on Declan time for you to go home.”

Declan followed the voice to the front desk of the Police station where a sergeant awaited him.

“You didn’t have a wallet or phone when you came in so there’s nothing for you to collect from me do you understand?” asked the seargent.

Declan replied “Yes.”

The sergeant continued “We found you slumped on a bench; we can provide you with contacts if you would like to get help?”

Why was this copper asking him did he need help? Declan could not understand why he thought he needed help, he had clearly had one too many, everybody does it,

“No thank you, could I call my brother to come and get me?” replied Declan.

The sergeant dialed the number that Declan gave him and passed him the phone,

“Sean could you pick me up from the police station?”

Seans voice was devoid of any emotion as he responded“I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

Sean collected Declan and let him settle into the passenger seat, he could not let this pass, Declan had not even thanked him for coming to get him. He studied Declan and there was no other way to describe it, he looked like shit and he did not smelled even worse.

“Declan what the fuck happened; you look dreadful?” asked Sean.

Declan replied, “I honestly can’t remember, I’m in one piece, I’m fit and well so let’s chalk this one up to experience.”

Sean was growing angry he could not believe his brother would trivialize this,

“Declan you’re a long way from well, seriously you look like shit and you stink, anything could have happened to you, you need to get some help.”

Declan stayed silent, was this sinking in? or was he ignoring him? Sean had never raised his voice to his brother, for only the second time in his life a sense of foreboding once again enveloped Sean, they pulled up outside Declan’s house and he turned to face his brother. Declan would not meet his gaze and moved to leave the car, Sean placed his hand on his arm and Declan turned to face him.

“Please get some rest and when you wake up, look into getting some help Declan.”

Declan replied, “I don’t need any help.”

With that he got out of the car and disappeared into his home.

***************

Years passed, Declan came and went, and Sean came to the slow realization his brother, the one he put on a pedestal and the one he idolized was no longer the man he picked up from the pub at all hours of the day and night after a drunken phone call. This man that lied to him about why he needed to borrow some money was not Declan, the brother he loved had left to join the navy and somebody else had returned. Sean wanted his brother back and he did not want anything to do with this person who had the same name as his brother and looked like his brother but was not his brother. He had tried many times to talk to Declan about his drinking, but he simply would not engage with him. He would try one last time and phoned Declan to ask him did he want to go up to the Lake District with him that weekend. Declan said he would love to and to pick him up about ten on Saturday morning, it was later than Sean would have liked as he liked to get out early, however he just needed to speak with a sober Declan.

It is nine thirty on Saturday morning and Sean’s phone is ringing, he answers the phone and Declan tells him he is not feeling well and cannot accompany him to the Lake District today. Sean silently swears to himself and his heart sinks. Deep down he knows he last spoke to his brother years ago at Manchester Airport Terminal Three. He tells Declan he hopes he feels better soon and waits for eleven o’clock to arrive. Sean wants his brother back and he knows what he must do, eleven o’clock arrives and he gets in his car and drives to the pub nearest to Declan’s home. Sean parks up and enters the pub, in the corner, unshaven and bleary-eyed sits Declan, he has a pint in one hand and the newspaper laid out before him. He sees Sean and his face mirrors the anguish displayed on Sean’s, all be it for a different reason. Sean approaches Declan who begins to speak, Sean cuts him off with a gesture and locks eyes with his brother.

“Declan I never want to see you again until you stop drinking, nor do I want to hear from you, don’t phone or message me again”.