Fancy another beer?

"What's on your mind?"

“It’s so strange to see you again after so many years. As if it happened in another lifetime.”

“Yeah, well… Lately I think a lot about it. About people and life, that is. Don’t you think sometimes it's as if people would be only the cells of a huge gut that makes up our world and when a life ends, it is as if a cell dies? A peeled off dead cell of a gut sized The Milky Way. And the other cells keep you in their memories – if you’re lucky.”

“If you think of it, people are essentially all just dead cells that last for a disturbingly short time, living in a slowly vanishing, unknown present, all leading to quickly decomposing.”

“We must still be fun to be around.”  

“You started it, smart-ass. I’m well used to your random thoughts, even after a few years, apparently.” 

“Like you wouldn’t think of weird and random stuff all the time. Tell me what’d you think when you sat down after your bathroom break.”

"I was thinking about what I hate more than having a pee for electronic music."

"What do you mean by peeing for electronic music? What's wrong with it?"

"This is why I hate shopping malls. When I have to pee. They force you to do it while listening to some effed-up autotune music. It's like a perverted version of aerobics, doing it hunched over a toilet bowl."

"So what do you hate even more than that?"

"Having a pee while you listen to other people having a pee. As if you were participating in some lame peeing contest - who is louder, who is more aggressive or who can do it for a longer time. It's like synchronized swimming. But it's called synchronized peeing. A new sport."

"Girl, you really can't stand shopping malls, huh?"

"I hate that I have a small bladder."

"Do you remember when I told you you have quirks that make you you? This is one of them. Having these kinds of thoughts."

"Tell me another quirk of mine."

"I don't know..."

"..."

"Hmm..."

"..."

"Anyway, how wide is your hip?"

"I'd say maybe a little wider than average. Or well... Look, here's my waist and then here starts my hip... What?"

"You see, this is what I talked about. I knew you would stand up to show your hips. There's nothing wrong with it, I think it's very feminine of you to do such a thing, but I'm not sure other girls would have done the same, to stand up and show off."

"Hmm..."

"I dated a girl once, of course she was uglier than you - no offense - and she-"

"Excuse me? How would I not take it as an offense?"

"No, please don't, that's not what I meant. So I dated this girl and she... God, it's unbelievable how you women can be offended on so many things! I once told her that I really like her face because it has features like a bird. And she just got offended."

"Duh?! Don't be so surprised!"

"But I really don't get it. I didn’t want to offend her at all. I love birds, most are beautiful and graceful in my opinion."

"But she may have thought of a boring hen and this is why it felt bad for her to hear it. She thought you think she's nothing but a boring chick."

"Okay, good point. Totally different perspectives for the same thought... God, I missed your on-point insights, kiddo."

“You never quit calling me kiddo, right? You’re only 5 years older than me.”

“Dunno. I just like how it stuck with you.”

"Okay, smart-ass. Tell me more about your ex-girlfriends, then."

"I once dated a girl but it ended after two weeks."

"Why?"

"Because she was a borderline neo nazi."

"Ouch."

"Yep. But then I met the next potential girlfriend. I somehow attract lame women - no offense - because–"

"How on Earth would I not take it again as an offense? I'm not lame."

"You were my most normal girlfriend. So. The next was a leader of a guild called BDSM."

"This gets better and better... I wonder how you would describe me to someone in this line of exes?"

"Okay I'll stop saying anything."

"But no, really."

"I’d describe you as my most normal ex-girlfriend."

"Boring. Anyways, I once met a guy but I broke up with him after a week because he was scared of spiders… What are you laughing at? I mean, it's enough if I have an abnormal fear of spiders, but then who will protect me?"

"I'm glad to hear you have priorities, too..."

"And there was another guy I liked at first but then I learned about him self-pleasuring himself with hand sanitizer one time, so I let him go."

"WHAT THE HECK?!"

"Anyway, I guess I attract lame guys, too - no offense."

"Touché."

"But I'm low-key still in love with a guy who I'm quite sure has some kind of Asperger's and who unfortunately did not reciprocate my feelings. It's a long story and happened a long time ago-"

"Hey, fancy another beer?"

"Yup!...Thanks."

"Cheers! But this is my last one for tonight."

"How so?"

"Not a good idea for an empty stomach." 

"Why didn't you eat something? Hold on, I might have something with me."

"Don't give me anything, I won't eat it."

"I can't, so never mind. I gave it to someone else earlier."

"You still feed people?"

"Looks like it. Old habits die hard."

"Speaking of old habits. Don't you come back to our guild?"

"Nah. I've quit gaming."

"Okay, so then– Whoops! The wind just blew your hair here."

"Sorry. Do you want me to turn?"

"I don't understand. Then I'm still sitting here and it still gets in my face, you will just sit with your back to me."

"I mean do you want to change seats? Or that I sit next to you?"

"Oh... No, it's okay."

"Let me just tie my hair up... That's better."

"Hey, cool t-shirt. We made similar shirts to our company quiz night but then only about 70 people turned up out of expected 100 so we ended up with a lot of leftover booze from the all you can drink buffet. You know, originally we wanted people to have 5 booze tickets per head and- You should come next time, it's not a private event per se... Hey, you stare at the clouds and humming, am I boring you this much?"

"Company quiz nights are a bit boring, yes, but it's not you, don't worry. I just like the clouds now. Look, that one has a tauntaun shape...What now?"

"You've changed a lot in 7 years, you know. And yet you’re still somehow the same."

"It's funny it's been 7 years and you mentioned dead cells and now you mention changes. Our body's cells are constantly replicating themselves and your body replaces itself in every 7 years, or something."

"Huh, funny coincidence. The more so, with those fun facts you would ace our company quiz nights."

"You too, by the way. Changed a lot, that is. You've lost a lot of weight. I wouldn't tell that you were chubby at any point in the past if I didn't know you."

"Thanks, I guess?"

"No offense..."

"..."

"Hey, do you feel the difference now? A lot of stuff is nontoxic if you simply just don't add ‘no offense’ to it."

"All right, all right... I see I need to make it up to you somehow."

"How about bringing another beer for me? That would do."

"Okay, I will bring it next time, I promise, but it's getting late so we should go now."

"Agreed... Will you escort me to the subway?"

"Why, of course." 

"By the way, I like your bike."

"Me too. Is the subway station that way? I'm clueless."

"Yes, it's 2 blocks that way. See that sign in the distance?"

"I had no idea there's a stop here."

"But it's not new, we have had this subway line for a couple of years now."

"I never tried it because I never use public transport."

"And I never used your bike, so we're even."

"So hey, do you think we can meet again sometime next week?"

"I sure hope so, mister... Does it mean, you want to?"

"Y'know, nowadays, when all our decisions are only kind of half yes and half no, there is always a loophole staying open for what-ifs."

"Huh, is that so...?"

"I... Have a safe trip home, kiddo. Good night."

"Good night, smart-ass."