The Looting Was Nuts!

Casing our place for weeks, they just had to be! And my God, it was beyond genius! I mean, I had no idea how smart they were! They just had to be! How else could they have pulled off such a highly intelligent and special operation like that? Twenty years later, and my husband and I, still reminisce over the nuttiest incident to ever happen — all those high season solstices ago.

Altering our lives, completely!

It was the summer of 2005 and we had just gotten married. After backpacking through Italy for our, I-don’t-want-any-wedding-debt honeymoon, we returned back to Vancouver, Canada and began to set up our future house and home. Actually, it’s a tiny apartment on the rooftop of an old 1970s building complex, only a stone’s throw away from the beach. What can I say, I’ve always hated the idea of being burdened by a mortgage so we rent and will be doing so until we die. Besides we married each other in our forties and didn’t have any kids. So, who the heck wants to clock-up a debt at our age?

But then they came along.

Our three week vacation abroad must have given them just enough time to sneak around our place, investigate the entries, exits, and determine whether it was worth it to hit our home. And apparently it was, because the loot bag was found stranded right there on the floor — empty.

And it was nuts! I mean, not a single door was forced open, windows were all intact, and what they took was nothing beyond, like I said, nuts!

You see, living up on the rooftop of a four story building, that’s very close to a large spruce tree, makes us vulnerable to these type robberies. We understood just how easy it is for thieves to sneak across a tar-covered empty platform. But that amazing ocean view, we could not resist, so we assumed all the risks and moved in. Besides, we’re humble folks who don’t really have anything of value; no jewelry, an old inexpensive home computer, no designer clothes, etc. So we didn’t think our place was worth targeting. But, obviously, we were wrong. And the stranded loot bag was proof.

So what was in it, you ask? Let’s just say, it was just nuts!

British Columbia is a natural rainforest. Stunning Rocky Mountain peaks fill our beautiful blue northern skyline. That’s our view, so you totally get why we said yes to a rooftop apartment. And of course, fresh air, clean water, and wonderful wildlife, also drew both my husband and I to consider retiring in this very relaxed west coast Canadian province. You see, I was born in Yellowknife, North West Territories, Canada where the winter months are painfully long and cold. My husband was born in London, England where space is extremely limited and fresh air, practically extinct. So, we yearned to walk along quiet and typically snowless streets. We craved watching sunsets while sitting on benches near a real-sand-filled beach. And we dreamt of hiking moss-blanketed emerald green forests — all year round.

But this nutty burglary was not part of the plan. So we did some casing of our own.

We had our suspicions as to who the robbers were. So we headed over to the local store in order to purchase some bait. We needed a very particular kind of bait and had to shop around. Finally, we were able to purchase exactly what was needed for our mini-sting operation. We were going to set those little thieves up and catch them in the act! So, in the dead of the night, we cracked open the kitchen window just a sliver. Exactly the same way we left it before we headed off to Italy. It’s a very small window next to a large boxwood bush sitting right outside on our deck full of potted plants. And we thought, there’s no way anything could pass through that tiny window without breaking the glass. But they did. And so, based on a hunch, my husband and I figured out how they might have done it.

And it was for the nuttiest reason.

That night, after setting up our trap, my husband and I went to sleep, excited. No, not because of that! LOL... For the morning, we were excited to see who and/or what we eventually snared. And sure enough, just after sunrise, we heard them. My husband and I both sprung up. Slowly, we peeled off our blankets and crept out of bed. We then tiptoed over to the bedroom door. And, with our heads stacked one by one, my husband’s over mine, we cautiously peered out into the living room.

And there they were!

Bright-eyed and bushy tailed, two tiny, yet terribly cute thieves dragging the loot bag, we had baited them with, across the floor. But we didn’t want to scare them, worried they might hurt themselves while scrambling to escape in a pinch. So we just stood there, frozen, until they collected their spoils and then snuck back out through that slightly open kitchen window.

The loot bag, once again, empty. And it was nuts!

Literally! Real nuts! You know, the kind you buy in the store wrapped up in those mesh bags made out of red or yellow plastic fibers? A pound of peanuts in shells, they hold. My husband and I both love snacking on them, particularly the unsalted ones. And, apparently, the squirrels love them too! You see, after we left on our trip to Italy, a few clever ones decided to squeeze themselves through that slightly ajar kitchen window. They then climbed down onto the sink below, sprinted across the counter, gleefully discovered the nut bag and decided to yank it down onto the floor below. Using their razor sharp teeth, they chewed open the plastic mess bag and, two-peanuts-at-a-time, completely emptied it. And, I’m guessing, buried their nuts somewhere nearby; likely in all my potted deck plants, no doubt. Laugh and laugh, we do, every time my husband and I reminisce about the squirrel burglary that happened twenty summers ago. That’s how long we’ve been happily married. And remember we married late in life so we didn’t have any kids. But now we have a lot of little ones. Adorable and very friendly gray squirrels visit us every day. They became our family.

Isn’t it just nuts, how things work out?