The Mirror

The future can change over time according to the actions we take.  I want to believe it. I can be whatever I aim to be, as long as I put in the effort and consistent to get through the process. I tried to convince my parents about that. Convincing them to believe in themselves and their abilities not only on luck and predictions from the past.

My parents believed from birth that I would give them the blessings of wealth because of the Tedhak Siten, Javanese tradition, that was done when I was 8 months old. During the confinement procession and I was faced with various objects, I chose money as the first choice. And they are so confident that they even depend on me if they want money. They got too serious about it and making me work since I was 10 years old.

I can definitely make money, no matter how you have to get money to help our family, they said to me while they were counting all the bills that month. The bills for electricity, water, and food were so large that they looked creased when calculating the expenses. They were sitting together in front of the television and chatting. It seems that they fit perfectly with the same personality and beliefs.

My mother always asks me for money every month. She said because I was very fortunate in terms of money, I had to take responsibility myself for my stomach. Whereas my father always asked me to buy him something as a way to serve him who had been taking care of me for 10 years. There is one thing they forget that I also chose the mirror as my second choice. The mirror shows your reflection. This means that I will be able to set my own goals and have a lot of determination to make them happen. The thing I want most right now is to be proud of myself and have my own home. I can live in peace and avoid my parents for a moment from all the responsibilities of their life that they always tell me about. I must obey my parent and not argue, my father said. It hurt me a lot when they said that. 

I used to feel that I am not an important person for them. 

Although hard to work and school at the same time at a young age, I still survived. I started my work to do my friend's school task or become a household assistant and baby sitter.

Now that I am 18 years old, I have entered the 3rd grade of high school. At this age, I can make money from various things such as 2 side jobs and my online shop. I did it to survive and to keep my parents quiet and not nag at me. I want to tell them about how I feel when they nag and criticizing me all the time. I want to help them because their finances are worst, but if they always ask me to listen and do what they want, I can't live my own life. Since long ago, instead of confiding all my troubles on them, I tell my grandma about it. Now I was at her house and asked her a few things about my plans.

“Let's eat Asha. I made your favorite soup, honey ” asked my grandmother when I was glued to my phone screen and was looking for information about universities and scholarships for me on her couch.

I walked to the dining table and smelled of the soup making my stomach scream for the soup. Some people really don't like the smell of meat, strangely I really like the smell of meat mixed with spices and sprinkled with fried onions. If there was raw chili sauce, it would be perfect for me.

“It smells good, Grandma. I'm going to eat a lot, don't you mind? " I asked grandma. Old habits that I can't leave. I used to ask my mother. Because she used to give me food according to my payment. Once I only gave him 5 dollars, and all I got for a week was vegetables and rice. I want to cook for myself at home if my mother who controls it won't scold me. I used to cook instant noodles secretly so as not to get caught.

“Of course, I would love it if you could finish it. You know I live alone and eating alone is not my cup of tea. Good thing you're here,” Grandma said the things I always wanted to hear from my parents. I want them to be happy with me under any circumstances. Unconditionally Love from them that I really wanted. She poured the soup into my bowl, I immediately finished it in an instant. She looks so old with wrinkled and white hairs, but can't hide her soft and happy face. She watched me eat with an affectionate look. The sincere smile I always look forward to when I have problems. That can distract from my reality and give me the spirit to fight.

I cleaned my face with a tissue and then immediately talking to grandma. "Grandma, I have something to talk about," I said to her with a serious face. I really serious about my dream this time. I want a better job and get a degree that will show my parents that I can do what I want to do.

"You want to apply for university and ask grandma to talk to your parents instead of you?" Reading my mind is her special ability. Or because of her love for me that she observes everything I do and reads it properly.

"You're right. Amazing, you can read my mind," I told her immediately.

“I know how hard your father is on you. And your mother did the same thing. They had agreed before marriage to never argue with each other, your mom always follows him. You have to know that they are not bad people. Although sometimes they treat you badly. But grandma wants you to have the courage to come out and live your life, "

"I know it. But this time I wish them to behave like other parents who support whatever his child wants to do. I just need support to achieve my dream. I didn't ask for anything else, " I said to her. 

Three days later my grandmother talked about it with my parents. She asked that they not burden me this time and fully support me. A great fight happened that day. I can't stand seeing my father scream at her. Putting out high notes at an old person is a bad attitude. I already know the final result. My parents asked me to cut ties with me because I could no longer be of use to them. All this time I've been holding back. They never listen and consider my opinion. They only asked me to listen, understand, and obey their request. They refused my request this time. Show that this is the way for me to find my own life. I promise I will return to them and show them that money will not always bring happiness. I want them to know that what they did to me was wrong.

They gave me a week to pack up all my stuff and find my own place to live. I did really well. I want to believe that the mirror is my true destiny. By doing this, I hope to be a success and bring meaning to my parents' lives besides money. I don't want to blame them and the past is not to be lamented over.

Now is my last day in this house. I just sit in my room beside the things that I will bring. I feel excited because finally, I can do things that are truly from my heart. I feel free though my parents no longer consider me to be as their child. Knocking on the door brought back my thoughts.

"This is me, Asha. Can you open the door for a moment please, " said my mother from outside my room. After a week of keeping me quiet and not cooking for me, I wondered what she would say. Will she still ask me for money? I don't know at all.

I opened the door and found my mother with a gaze that radiated sadness. This is the first time I see this. We sat in the room next to my things.

"What do you want from me, Mom? " I asked curiously.

"Forgive me for everything Asha. I am not a good mother. I know my mistakes all this time. I want to give you this," my mother told me by handing her an account book.

"What is this mom? your savings? " Hearing my question my mother turned her eyes away from me and rubbed her eyes.

“This is your money all this time Asha. I save it here. Your father and I have agreed to educate you hard. Mom and dad just want you to be independent and be strong children. I only learn it from the mother's parents. I don't want you to misunderstand and hold a grudge with me. Father too, was a stiff person and could not convey his feelings well. Only then can he show his affection for you, "said the mother, holding my hand. Tears flowed without permission. I realized that after a few years, I could make money on my own even if I did this under pressure.

"It's okay. I never had a grudge against you. I know you two were educated very hard from childhood. I'm sure you can only make it that way to educate me too. Now I believe that mom and dad care for me in their own way. I only ask for support from the mother if it does not burden her, " I said everything and excused their treatment. Besides, educating children is very difficult. Without them, I probably wouldn't be here.

"Of course, whenever you want you can call me. I will give you as much support as possible. Don't forget to take care of your health and to keep fighting even if you fall! " My mother raised her hand to form a spirited pose. I'm grateful to know that now. And I can be relieved to enjoy my freedom without having to remove my parents from my life.

The mirror is my true destiny. I'm sure I can fight and face anything to achieve my dream. The Mirror, I'll remember that thing until I'm gone.