His need for discovery

For as long as I have known myself, I have always tried to be a man of reason. It is as such that I have grown to scoff at any superstitious notion placed in front of me. I always found it laughable how it was necessary for one to depend on an all-powerful figure just so they could flourish and remain a good person. The thing I found to be even more ludicrous was the idea of a grand plan.

It was simply preposterous to consider it. Especially when one of the main principles God preached was that of free will. The existence of a predestined life was simply contradictory. And when such opposites are correct at the same time, it is only logical for the basis to be unfounded. However, with our latest research, we have come to discover the existence of this entity we call God.

To an extent, I regret it, and I somewhat wish that I had never pursued my latest experiment, but it is my nature to do so. Our existence consists of many layers. We have our physical selves, emotional selves, mental selves, and spiritual selves. They are all different in every sense of the word. Yet they are all based on the same foundation—the material within everything. Whether it’s material or immaterial, a thought or an action, fact or fiction, they all contain the same matter based on all creation.

Before everything, everything was a mass of baseless matter. We existed, yet we had no will. We thought so, but only for a moment. There was no meaning in anything. It was this entity, which we call God, that formed us all. It was the one that gave us a foundation to build on. Yet, it must have realized that everything was fragile and could return to the realm of inexistence upon going too far astray. Thus, it used parts of itself as a bind, and it was as such that fate was formed. Therefore, all things within this universe are one; all things under heaven and earth are one; and we are all one. This was only a theory a few weeks ago. No, it wasn’t even that; it was a thoughtless joke that just so happened to hit the mark.

We had to do further experiments. So far, we have realized that all of creation is bound by this "God" substance. Anything else is baseless and in a constant state of seeking a connection. It is as such that we have spent countless months trying to gather them together. It was a tiring and tedious process because we needed specialized equipment to gather them, and not only that, but we also had to be gentle, as one wrong touch could undo all of our work.

In the first few weeks, the matter was completely invisible to us. We had to use CT scans to visualize a glimmer of it. Steadily, as we gathered more, it started taking a small but observable shape. On week five, the particles, to our astonishment, stabilized and took a solid form. Finally, after nine months, it has reached its peak form. No longer can we add anymore, as it simply disperses them. We took it to a test chamber and unlocked the cache in which it was stored. So far, it hasn’t moved an inch. It simply stood there.

After a few days of inactivity, we have decided to use a live subject. We attached a small camera to a lab rat. Particularly upon entering, it cautiously inspected the room, smelling every surface. After doing so, it finally set its sights on the mass. It turned back at us, as if asking us what it should do, before vanishing inside it. Not a moment passes by, and it comes out again as though nothing had happened.

We have let it out now. Everything about it seemed fine. Yet I caught on to something the others did not. It wasn’t the same mouse that we had sent in. I have used it for several years, so I am the one who is most familiar with it. And I know for a fact that this is not the same one. Sure, it may look and behave like it, but its left paw looked different.

We looked through the camera, and during the time in which it vanished, nothing was captured. "What a waste of time!" Someone cried out. However, something didn’t sit right with me, so I came back later and checked the footage again. When the rat turned back to look at us, those people weren’t us. Those who don’t pay attention might mistake them for us. They certainly had similar features to us, but they seemed to be alternate versions of us. I have brought this up, and no one seems to believe me. Not even the head would allow me to use a real person to test my theory.

It is as such that I find myself wandering through the streets tonight, thinking about my next move. How many times has this happened? Numerous. It has been like this all of my life. No one ever supported my ideals. They were always too scared to risk it. My wife, my dearly sweet beloved, thought that I would prioritize my research over her and left me. Not even my child could be patient. And now this "head" doctor who is younger than me is stopping me. Fools, all of them; there is no other way for humanity to advance without making sacrifices and taking risks. Yes, I must be the one to do it. Not anyone else.

As I headed back towards the laboratory, I spotted a figure that seemed familiar. I approached them, only to stop when I realized that he was me.

"Listen to me, for I don’t have much time left. Don’t take another step. This is not what you want, trust me." He tried to mutter something else, but the withered state in which he was prevented him from doing so. I tried to approach him again, but he stopped me from doing so. "Don’t. Just go." He said this as his body succumbed to the disease that weakened him and turned into specs of ash. No. Not you too. I must find out for myself. I will make things right.