Between Oddball Dogs and a Strange Brain

April 3, 2020, 12:00 A.M. Dear Diary: How did I end up with three spoiled dogs? Halfie, Bubba, and Lilly. They started wanting to go "out" as soon as I started to fall asleep! My wife has gone to be with her sick Mom. We live out in the country, but I don't leave them out in any kind of bad weather or at night. Lots of predators about, even though we have a fenced yard for them. But they are good for an alarm system. You've heard of ADT? I have TDB! (Three Dogs Barking)

April 3, 2020, 12:01 A.M. Dear Diary. I just let all three back in. They didn't stay long. I think they just thought they'd get a treat for going out! HA! Fooled Them!

April 3, 2020, 12:03 A.M. Dear Diary: I can't remember if I took all my pills!

April 3, 2020, 12:07 A.M. Dear Diary: Halfie, the little designer dog, has a bladder the size of a Peanut! Wants to go out again. Oh well, I'll be able to check my med cabinet while she's out.

April 3, 2020, 12:10 A.M. Dear Diary: Finally Halfie is back in. She sits on her haunches like a little Ewok, begging for a treat! No! You cute grin is NOT going to get me to give you treats after bedtime, Young Lady!

April 3, 2020, 12:15 A.M. Dear Diary: Finally, back in the bed. Bliss! ??? I wonder if two-hump camels drink twice as much as one hump camels? Brain!!! STOP IT!!

April 3, 2020, 12:17 A.M. Dear Diary: Bubba , you Aussie rascal! Why are you nosing my foot? Outside? Again? Why didn't you go the last time?!! (Stumbled) Ouch! Don't turn around and look impatiently at me you stinker! I'm coming.

April 3, 2020, 12:27 A.M. Dear Diary: Bubba finished both his business and his exploration of the yard. Maybe I can get to sleep? Please Lord?

April 3, 2020, 12:28 A.M. Dear Diary: Almost dropped off. I wonder if Tuesday Weld had married Hal March III, would she have been called, Tuesday, March III? Gahh! shut UP!! Stupid Brain. enough with the old puns!!!

April 3, 2020, 12:38 A.M. Dear Diary: Fell asleep. What's that "whuffing" noise? Arrgghh! Lilly, the Kerry beagle wants "out". Dang her!!! Okay, Okay, I'm coming!!!

April 3, 2020, 12:47 A.M. Dear Diary: Lilly is back in her bed, Praise the Lord! Now I need to "go" myself! Ahhh! Which of my danged dogs chewed up the TP?? Thank goodness there's a few rolls left!

 April 3, 2020, 01:15 A.M. Dear Diary: Got a few winks! I don't drink. So why was I having a nightmare about being chased by a Corona Beer bottle on a deserted beach?

Oh yeah. Stupid beer virus.

April 3, 2020, 02:01 A.M. Dear Diary: What's that smell? EEWWW! I think Bubba has had a gas attack again! Yuck!!! Now I've gotta' check whether it was really just gas!

April 3, 2020, 02:45 A.M. Dear Diary: Had to turn on all the lights to search for Poo. Now I'm REALLY awake! Oh, look. I left FaceBook on. Well, I'll just check really quickly before I go back to bed.

April 3, 2020, 03:30 A.M. Dear Diary: Had an argument with an idiot on FB. Blocked him. HE won't bother me again!! Jerk!!!

April 3, 2020, 03:45 A.M. Dear Diary: Halfie needs to pee again.

April 3, 2020, 03:47 A.M. Dear Diary: For some reason, I'm really sleepy. But I can't sleep. I wonder if the "ladies of the evening" are wearing masks on the street corners to keep from catching the virus? I don't think they have to kiss their customers, but I guess it might limit their services. And what do I care anyway? I'm sure not going to try and find out!

April 3, 2020, 03:48 A.M. Dear Diary: If "Ancient Aliens" is right, and ET's came to teach the Mayans et al. about building stuff with stone, why didn't they teach them about modern plumbing, electricity, etc.? Now Bubba wants me to let him out again.

April 3, 2020, 03:50 A.M. Dear Diary: Bubba's back in and Lilly's gone out. Playing "Hearts" on the computer. I think the game cheats and switches cards around when I am starting to win. I may even have caught it reneging!

April 3, 2020, 03:57 A.M. Dear Diary: Now it's Lilly's turn again. I used to love these sorry dogs before I went to bed YESTERDAY evening!!!

April 3, 2020, 04:01 A.M. Dear Diary: What good is a pot of gold if you have no toilet paper? It makes me wonder about Leprechauns. Is their pot of gold easily flushed? Seems like a waste of time when porcelain is cheaper. ARRGGHH! Brain, you're tired!! STOP with the crazy ideas!!! No, I DON'T want to think about if Don Lemon adopted children whether they would be REAL lemons!!!

April 3, 2020, 04:11 A.M. Dear Diary: why am I writing this down? It seems like a good idea for some reason. Whatever. I'll go in the kitchen and grab a snack. No, i won't, either. All the dogs will want to be fed when they see me eat. Six sad, accusing eyes, heads hung down, all making me feel bad. But they're fat little piggies already. So now I, the supposed MASTER, have to forego a snack because of their accusatory looks. Phooey!

April 3, 2020, 04:12 A.M. Dear Diary: Came to do number 2 again instead. I don't remember calling a family business meeting. Every one of these sorry rascals is sitting in front of me while I'm on the pot, wanting a scratch and trying to nuzzle the others out of the way.

April 3, 2020, 04:15 A.M. Dear Diary: Halfie left the room while I was on the pot. When I got up, everyone wanted to "go" again at once. Okay. I follow them to the door, stepping in a little wet pool of WHY Halfie left earlier. Almost hurt myself trying not to fall. Tonight I hate dogs, at least for a few hours while I clean up the mess!

April 3, 2020, 04:19 A.M. Dear Diary: Not sure I'm completely awake, but I THINK I let all the dogs back in the house. Too many coyotes and foxes about for safety's sake. Headcount. I hear Halfie barking at the door. I let her in.

April 3, 2020, 05:30 A.M. Dear Diary: Got a few winks again, but the dogs are carrying on, howling and barking like a burglar is breaking in or something. I open the door. They bound out like lightning. Aaaand---they've cornered a skunk! Aaaand he sprayed! I have closed the door. I hope he missed them. They are staying out. I am going to sleep until noon!