Nothing But a Number

I should never have let Travis check the mail. I'd known that, in the beginning, when he first moved into my home; but normalcy has a way of creeping around your defenses when you're looking the other way.

Besides, the way he laughed off the AARP advertisements and retirement home pitches in the junk mail eased my worried mind. He'd tease me about being an old woman or planning ahead too much, then he'd laugh and pull me close and kiss my plump lips and gaze into my unlined eyes and put his hands on my firm body, assured by all of his senses that I was at least as young as he.

I was watering my plants the day he brought the mail in, chuckling to himself.

"Something you're forgetting to tell me, grandma?" His eyes twinkled when he spoke and he waved an embossed envelope at me.

"What's that? Shorry, shunny, old earsh, you know." It was my best old lady voice. It wasn't very good, but it made him smile.

Chuckling, he tossed the envelope onto the glass table at my elbow. "Think someone from your old high school is about to give a bunch of twenty-somethings a heart attack. 50th high school reunion? 5th, maybe."

He caught me around the waist and kissed my ear, trying to tease me with his breath and gentle flicks of his tongue. I froze, rooted in place, my eyes fixed on the embossed envelope.

"Yeah," I said with an incredibly weak giggle. "That's one hell of a typo."

"Sure is," he said, undeterred from his carnal ambition. "Open it, see when it is. I'll get all dressed up and you can parade me around as your young gigolo, you old scoundrel."

"It doesn't matter when it is because we're not going," I snapped. I wriggled out of his arms and snatched up the envelope, storming out of the sunroom and into the kitchen. My old gas stove gave a few futile clicks and I kicked it, my frustration denting the steel door.

"What are you doing?" Travis caught my wrist, the one holding the envelope, before I could try to light the stove again. "It's just a party, Tracy, why are you being so weird?"

I whirled on him, glaring into his confused, muddy hazel eyes. His pretty young face crumpled in a concerned frown, though anger lingered around the edges. I'd never exploded like that, not on him. I'd hurt his pride and thwarted his libido. Honestly, at my age, I should know better.

"I don't want to see those people," I said flatly. "I don't want this invitation in my house."

He snorted. "You act like they poisoned it or something. Look, Trace, everybody went through hell in high school. Everybody has people they never want to see again. That's why they do these things! To flaunt their successes and rub it in each other's faces. You're just as successful as any of them, I guaran-frikken-tee it."

If only that was the problem. As I paused, picturing the aged faces of my former classmates, Travis moved in for a kiss. His kisses--God, his kisses took my breath away.

"Besides," he murmured in my ear. "You're only young once. What better chance are you gonna have to trash your old school?"

He could always make me laugh. It put me at a disadvantage. Before I could catch my breath, he snatched the envelope from my hand.

"Travis! Give that back this instant!"

He bounced away from me, landing in a runner's crouch, and waggled his eyebrows. "You'll have to catch me first!"

Squeaking with fury--only half-feigned--I chased him all through the house. He'd let me catch him, wrestle me until I was breathless with laughter, then speed off again.

The chase ended in bed and we were both caught. By the time the laughter and sounds of lovemaking had dissolved into the deep breaths of sleep, I had forgotten all about the offending envelope.

***

"You really aren't telling me where we're going?" I flicked down the sun visor and checked my lipstick, then slid a look at Travis. He was all dolled up in a loose white button-up with the sleeves rolled up just enough to show off his muscular forearms and wore a green earring which made his eyes pop.

He looked good. Damn good. I was ready to turn around and have our date night behind locked doors--but he had something else in mind.

"If I told you it wouldn't be a surprise."

"Oh, fine." I smiled and settled back in my seat, basking in the rich sunset. I liked surprises. The longer I lived, the less there was to surprise me, and I loved that he was putting in the effort.

"Oh! I love this song!" Travis turned up the radio and howled along off-key. Laughing, I joined him.

Travis was fun. That was what I liked about him most. I'd had my serious phase, my career woman phase, a decade or two of depression followed by unbridled ambition--but it wasn't until I met Travis that I realized what I'd been missing. Fun. Pure, senseless, directionless, fun.

I gave myself over to it so completely that I didn't really notice how long the drive was, and I didn't even glance at the street signs when he finally pulled off the freeway. Night had fallen, obscuring the neighborhoods he wove us through, and it wasn't until some instinct sent warnings to my gut that I started to pay attention to where we were.

A lot changes in fifty years. Pastures are paved and plotted, thickets grow into shopping malls--but churches have staying power. Especially big Catholic churches, like that one on the corner glaring at me with its big dark windows. I had nightmares about that church when I was small. I had to pass it every day on my way to school.

"Travis," I said quietly, fighting the panic rising in my chest like the tide. "Where are we going?"

He grinned at me. "You'll see. Be patient."

I never opened the envelope. I never saw the date. I never got it back from him, either. Stupid, stupid, Tracy. I thought about faking a sudden illness, but knew he'd see right through me. I thought about throwing myself from the car. I even thought about jerking on the wheel and sending us careening into the ditch which I knew was just over that berm--or at least it used to be.

Before I could do anything more than whimper, we were pulling into the parking lot of my old high school.

"Surprise! It's your high school reunion!" He beamed at me, spreading his hands to put the monstrous building on display.

"We need to go." My voice shook.

He frowned, then his expression gentled and he stroked my hair. "Come on, lover. I know it's hard to face the past sometimes, but it'll be good for you! Ten minutes, I swear. If you aren't having fun in ten minutes, we'll bail and I'll take you out dancing."

In ten minutes my secret would be out.

In ten minutes, someone would recognize me.

In ten minutes, Travis would realize that he was dating a monster.

But then again, it was bound to happen eventually. What was I thinking? It wasn't like we could grow old together. At best, I'd have twenty years with him before he realized that he was getting older and I wasn't. Ah, but he would have been worth twenty years, wouldn't he?

Maybe it would be better if I didn't let myself get attached. At least this way he'll have a chance to move on and find someone he can do human things with.

"Okay," I said finally. "Ten minutes."

***

Comprehension hit him in stages.

"Welcome class of--are we at the right place? Did I get the date wrong?" He pulled the invitation from his pocket and frowned at it, then shrugged. "Probably left over from last night's shindig or something."

I didn't say a word, just let him lead me into the auditorium. Diana Ross crooned sweet nothings over the PA. Streamers and balloons filled the ceiling. I inhaled deeply through my nose and was transported back in time, back to when I could still believe that I was perfectly normal. Well, as normal as a teenage girl can feel, anyway.

I could still taste the bitter tears I wept when Chet Anderson broke my heart on the dance floor, could still feel the itchy mesh underskirt brushing against my thighs.

An unexpected scent brought me roaring back to the present. The auditorium smelled like old people. Musty decay, the slow death of time, covered in creams and soaking in soured cologne. I opened my eyes and let the tears fall.

"Okay," Travis said nervously. "We're definitely in the wrong place."

"Yes," I agreed softly. "Let's go."

A platter crashed to the ground a dozen feet away. I jerked toward the sound instinctively, saw the old eyes staring at me, and turned away again.

"Lord above us," the woman breathed. She stepped tentatively around the mess she'd left on the floor and crept toward me like she was afraid I'd bite her.

"Theresa Louise Boyd, is that you?" Her voice wobbled, as unsteady as her hands. "Her ghost?"

I shook my head, fighting the tears. I wouldn't remember her name, I wouldn't, I couldn't bring myself to. But her outburst had drawn attention. They shuffled toward me, fewer and slower than I remembered.

"Ah, sorry everybody, I made a mistake. I thought this was my girlfriend's reunion, but obviously--" Travis coughed a little nervous laugh and trailed off. Everyone was staring.

"I knew it," a man said. "I told you, Eddie, didn't I tell you? She's a witch! A vampire! A succubus or something! How else do you explain this? And showing up now, making us all look bad--how's that boy toy working out for you, Trampy Theresa?"

"Her name's Tracy," Travis said weakly.

"Better name for a tramp," the man said with a sneer. That sneer brought it all back for me in a rush, and my tongue couldn't hold back my temper.

"Stuff it, Geordie," I snapped.

Travis whipped his head around and stared at me, slack-jawed. I looked away from the betrayal in his eyes.

"It is you!" The woman--Sadie--took another step toward me. "But--how? We all thought you died! You left--you never came back--and you still look so young." Tears slid down her lined cheeks.

"She eats men, that's how," Geordie growled. "Eats their hearts out."

I shook my head, biting my lip until I drew blood.

"Oh no? Oh no! Then tell me this, cupcake. Tell me why Stephen isn't here today, huh? Tell me!"

Stephen. Tremors shook me as my heart broke all over again. Sweet, gentle Stephen. So utterly in love with me he didn't even care that I was only with him to get back at Chet. So caring that my first time never even hurt. Well--it never hurt me.

It just turned me into an immortal monster.

Stephen, however, never woke up from the afterglow.

"Tracy?" Travis was gazing down at me, uncertain but trusting, terrified but ready to defend me. Why is it always the princes I hurt?

I spoke only to him, knowing the rest would hear. "They don't tell you, Travis." My voice was raw and bitter. "They don't tell you what you are, what you can do, who you can hurt. They just let you make yourself--or not."

I hugged myself and shivered, forcing myself to keep eye contact. "Geordie is only a little bit right. I am a succubus. I didn't know before--Stephan." God, I could barely say his name.

I shook my head. "I swear I didn't know. When it was over, my parents disposed of the body and threw me a coming-of-age party. I didn't go."

"She left town," Geordie spat bitterly. "Took off like the murderer that she is. Should have stayed gone, Theresa."

I ignored him. So did Travis. He cupped my face in his hands and thought very hard for a moment.

"I can control it now," I whispered desperately. "I swear it. You're never in danger with me."

I couldn't remember ever feeling more frightened. I thought I could take rejection, I really did. But I had never allowed my whole self, all of my secrets, everything that I am to be seen--and what can't be seen can't be rejected.

I mourned him as he frowned at me, mourned the fun and the light and the adventure.

Then he touched his lips to mine and shattered me. As the furious crowd shuffled in, Travis put his arms around me and murmured in my ear.

"Your surprise is so much cooler than mine."

He made me laugh. Travis always made me laugh.

***

Oh, come on now. They're all old! Of course we escaped. Then we went dancing, then--well. Use your imagination. I am a succubus, after all.