Back to those days.

School, looking back retrospectively, I would simply say I loved it! The experiences, the memories, for me, it was a mixty-maxty of emotions, the good ones, bad ones, the pleasant and not-so pleasant ones, this was due to two reasons. First, right from the days of my primary school (the American equivalent of elementary school) I wasn’t the social type and I would largely attribute my lack of sociability to the kind of father I have. You see, my dad was a disciplinarian, a stern tutor and a hardliner, one who wouldn’t hear that using the whip was not the best way to bring up a child and this was for two reasons. The first was that it was the only way he knew how to. he grew up in a seminary home under the tutelage of a likewise strict reverend father. Secondly, he never wanted to show weakness to his kids especially on the issue of his principles and so he did not like being challenged on the means he used in correcting his kid, especially by neighbors.

Even as I went through my junior secondary (junior high), I did not change from being less sociable, I had rather kept a tight nit relationship with one person than have lots of friend or a group. I always told myself that when I got to the seniors, I would be more receptive to people, have more friend and have lots of fun, but never did. In class, I was more smart than brilliant, I was a literal thinker, someone who could relate more to things that had been experienced and were relatable (like stories) than things like the periodic table, density index of material formulas and constants etc. I was one of the students the teacher could reliably point out to come up with answers, not that I was top of the class good, but I was as I earlier said a thinker and never one to back out of an intellectual challenge, especially the ones that didn’t have to do with math or calculations of any kind. I was better at English, verbal reasoning, economics, technical studies and what not. I was not a go-to guy when it came to teaching others what I knew or detailed explanation of the previous topic, I was more like a “say it how you see it” kind of pupil. Sometimes I was so good I was the “nobody knows it, save the day” kind of guy. I thought outside the box.

The thing with thinking outside the box or differently from others is that when you are wrong or others seem not to get your drift, you feel stupid and alone especially when you are one who looks up for his teacher’s approval and most times, you get made fun of. But when you get it right, it makes your colleagues marvel at you, everyone is like “how did he conceive that idea and your teacher is like “Brilliant, give him a round of applause”. Other times, she is like “you’re a moron, sit down!” (and yes, teachers are allowed and are accustomed to cussing students in Africa).

Secondly, I did not come from a wealthy home or an average one for that matter, it was more of a slightly below average home and my parents strove, doing their best to fend for me and my three sibling while sending us to the best public school around, something I have and would always be grateful for.

Owing to these factors, while in school, I couldn’t afford most of the things my colleagues had. I seldom had textbooks, but I was always ready to pounce and covet anyone laying around in the classroom after school hours, for safekeeping, guess you could call me the bookkeeper. I couldn’t afford my own cell phone at the same age most of my colleagues were using sophisticated android phones and sure, my dad wasn’t going to buy me one, not cos he couldn’t afford it, but because he saw it as a distraction to my studies and was of the opinion that kids should only have phone when they had important issues to discuss with people distant from them (the strict disciplinarian he was). I didn’t have the fashionable shoes of the time, like the airmaxes and sneakers, hell, I didn’t even have any fashionable shoes. (My dad sort shoes for their strength and durability rather than their aesthetics). I couldn’t create my own fashion style cos I was subject to what I received.

All these made it hard for me to socialize or make lots of friends cos I always had this feeling of being unequal to my friends or unable to measure up to their standard. I absconded from gatherings except assemblies and compulsory events. It wasn’t because I was hiding from people or had phobia for group events or crowded places, it was more for the sake of avoiding being humiliated for my looks, by my peers who were polished (figuratively). People weren’t always nice. Yeah, someone might say ‘your personality could get you to become friends with anybody, for example, being the funny one in the group, which is always the case with the underprivileged member of a group. That was not going to be me. I am not one to be seek acceptance or love for the good jokes I tell (never the group jester).

So given these reasons, I didn’t always have the best times in school, and so in the final year of my senior high, I made a vow to myself that when next I visited the school whether it be alumni day or a personal visit, I would come with my own car, would at least have my own business and be able to give out my card to colleagues especially those who felt privileged and ended up not having jobs by that time. I would be willing to employ them just to be in their face all day.

It’s been six years since I graduated from senior secondary, I am into my final year in the university, no car yet, thought I did have a good android. We have all gathered for our get together for the class of 13. The school environment hadn’t changed a lot, though most of my colleagues had, damn, some even looked like fathers with bears enough to hide their face completely. We were delighted to see each other, we all exchanged pleasantries and chatted to one another like everyone was best friends with everyone. Even those who were shy or timid back in the days were chatting and laughing at the top of their voices. I got talking with one of the guys who was my friend back then, Chris. We moved away from the crowd and sat at the back entrance of the hall we were using for the occasion. I asked him as I pointed out to the school field, ‘do you remember when we use to play football (soccer) on that field as juniors? We were in our second year and our seniors then would only allow the cool boys to join them in playing, we would then have make do with playing by the side of the field with plastic containers as our ball and when our classmates, the cool boys were done, they wouldn’t talk to us and sometimes they would even look at us with disdain in their eyes. Gradually they drifted away from being class members with us to being their own group.

Yes, he said, and how we stupidly longed to be part of their group, each one of us secretly desiring to join them but never saying it out, not where we the nerds were gathered.

Yep I replied, but now we are all here, talking, discussing and laughing like we are all equals.

We are all equals, he said giving me a look that was half questioning and half smiling.

I know, what am saying is, there is no group, no clique, gang or crew. We all have grown to a stage where we, after facing the reality that lay out there in the real world, some of us in the process becoming working class students, other, yet to be admitted students and other, simply secondary school graduates, have come to realize that it’s a struggle out there and you just have to be nice to everyone you come across, you never know who could turn out to be successful and in a position of influence.

My friend looked at me raising his disposable cup like he was about to toast to something and with a smile on his face, said ‘life, it teaches us to be humble’.