Finding Happiness

Dear Mom,

I got your message. I tried calling, but your voicemail said you would be hard to reach for a few months and to email you.

What were you thinking? What possessed you to take a missionary trip to the Dominican Republic of all places? And without telling me? Or anyone else?

You mentioned that with me in college you had a little more time on your hands, but how does that translate to a spur-of-the-moment trip? What about your business? Who is managing your work, who is managing your house?

I’m glad you’re getting a little vacation for the first time in almost twenty years, but wouldn’t Hawaii or Florida be a better place to go?

Call me, email me - something!

Livy

           “Ladies and Gentlemen, please turn off your electronic devices, make sure your tray tables are up and stow your bags under the seat, the plane will be lifting off in a few minutes. Again…”

           Dana Richards smiled fondly at the message on her phone, before turning it off and placing it in her carry-on under her seat. There wasn’t time to reply, she would have to send a message tomorrow when she arrived in her destination.

           A slight, pale woman in her early forties, she was dressed comfortably in slacks and a warm blue sweater that matched the color of her eyes behind her reading glasses. Her nose was hooked, and bony, while her mouth was delicate and full, accented with only a hint of color. Her brown hair was straight, and shoulder length, like Diane Keaton - one of her favorite actresses. And like Diane Keaton, (when she was in her forties) her hair was also tinged with a few strands of silver - which she had thought about dying before her trip, then decided against it. She could deal with grey hairs, but she hated the idea of showing grey roots after a few months in the jungle.

           Dana sighed and settled back as comfortably in her coach seat as she could as the plane began to taxi down the runway. She craned her head to look out the window as the plane began to gather speed, going fast and faster until it lifted up, up, up and into the bright blue sky. 

           Her daughter Livy was wrong, her trip to the small village of Yanna was not an impulse trip. In fact, during her high school years, young Dana had often dreamed of flying to an exotic location and providing assistance to the impoverished people living there. She had planned to go on the church’s missionary trip the summer after she graduated. But all it took was one night with her military boyfriend to put that dream on hold and for Dana to focus on raising her infant daughter alone. Instead of going to college, and burying herself in books, Dana was buried in dirty diapers and baby blankets. Instead of having fun with friends and going to parties, Dana spent her spare time working as a part-time accountant, and taking community college classes on business. Somehow, she managed to take what she’d learned and built up her own company while raising her daughter, Olivia. Somehow, she managed to make enough to put a roof over their heads and keep food in their bellies. And somehow, her little baby girl had grown into a beautiful young woman in the blink of an eye.

           To her mind, Dana thought she had done a fine job taking care of her little Olivia after her boyfriend disappeared off the face of the earth. Her daughter had grown up kind, and beautiful, with her Mom’s brown hair, blue eyes, and pale skin. She was smart and ambitious too. Livy graduated school as President of the Debate club, Captain of the Water Polo team, with a GPA of 4.5. She’d been accepted to her first choice college, Colombia, on a full scholarship, and was tackling a double major of business and economics. Dana was very proud.

           However, with her daughter out of the nest for the last few years, and since her own small Accounting business was doing well, Dana had thought it’d be nice to try something new now that she had so much free time.

           So, she’d done what her other friends and associates were doing. She’d volunteered for various charities. She’d attended a few art classes. She’d explored her town’s museums and galleries, looking for something that could stimulate her interest.

           It was while Dana was driving home that it happened. She had just packed up a weeks worth of groceries, and was listening to the radio, calculating the number of cookies she’d have to make for the church bake sale next Sunday.

           Aren’t I lucky? She thought, I have everything I could possibly want. A good, stable business, a wonderful home, a loving circle of friends, an incredible daughter…I have such an amazing life.

           But are you happy? Asked a quiet voice in her head.

           I have everything I could ever want, Dana responded indignantly.

           But are you happy? The voice repeated.

           Dana drove the rest of the way home in silence, the question circling around in her head.

           That night, the dreams started.

 Dana found herself standing in the middle of a wide field, surrounded by flowers of every color and size. And as she stood, feeling the warm sun on her face, hearing the birds singing as they flew overhead, the wind rustling through the blossoms she was aware of something else. A whispering that could be heard above the rustle of leaves and petals.

           “Sss…sss…sss…”

           Dana cocked her head, trying to hear the sounds better.

           “Sss…sss…you…”

           “What was that?” Dana asked, and the wind swirled around her again.

           “Thank you….Thank you…”

           “Thank you? For what?” Dana looked around, puzzled, but the words were only repeated.

           “Thank you…thank you…thank you…” Dana listened, as the words became louder. “Thank you…thank you! thank you!”

           Now Dana was being approached by people. Make, female, young and old, they approached her, laughing and smiling, with a look in their eyes as if Dana was a treasured friend.

           “Thank you! Thank you! THANK YOU!” And as they surrounded her, Dana was filled with a sense of belonging, a sense of happiness, a sense of love that she had never felt before in her life. But still it didn’t feel right. Still she wasn’t sure why she deserved their thanks.

           And still, she asked. “What are you thanking me for?” But she was never able to hear the answer before she woke up.