Number four

Some people say the key to a healthy relationship is telling the truth. If you ask me, that is BS! You see, I have tried everything, and nothing seems to work! Let me show you what I mean. Girlfriend number one: I tried to tell her the truth and nothing but it. I told her I didn’t like chicken, I told her she looked ugly in that dress, I even told her that I loved her. It was all going well, until I told her the last truth. I told her that I was a murderer. Yeah, that didn’t go over too well. She went crazy, I eventually had to end it the normal way I do, by killing her. Girlfriend number two, I decided to go a new approach. I decide to tell her all lies. This works out pretty well for a solid five months. I told her I love chicken, she looked  beautiful in that dress, and I was an accountant. This might have worked out, but soon her little brother started getting suspicious of me. It started out with innocent questions, when did you go to work, how much is your salary, and where is your work. Then, he started snooping around, this was a problem. So I solved my little problem the same way I solved all my problems. I killed him. Turns out this had affected my girlfriend alot. She said that she would not be completely devoted to me until she found whoever murdered her brother and brought justice to them. I would have just let her go, but she when she got close to busting me for the murder, I decided she had to go the hard way. Number three, nice girl. I tried a mixture of tactics on this one. I will eat chicken but prefer not to, you look decent in that dress but the green one is nicer, and my job is confidential. This tactic actually worked for a solid two years. We got engaged on May twenty second. That's when I found out she had a secret too. Secretly, she was a cop sent out to find the murder of number two's brother. She had no idea that it was me when we started dating, and then she grew more suspicious. She started sticking her nose where she wasn't supposed to. She found out I was the murderer right when I asked her to marry me. She saw a bloody knife in my pocket and just pieced three rest together all by herself. She hadn't planned to fall in love with me though, and she hadn't told anyone else yet.  She gave me two options, be arrested or serve 20 months of community service. I chose option c, I killed her. I have to admit, that was the hardest murder I ever had to do so I decided to take a break for a few months and go on vacation. That's where I met girlfriend number four. On vacation, I had planned to take a break from meeting people face to face. It was sort of because I was sick and tired of people, but it was mostly because I was running from the government at this point. So I decided to download an app for meeting people so I don’t have to go out in the real world. This works out not so great for the first few “dates.” But then I met the girl of my dreams. Her name was Lily, she was a fictional writer for a living and her favorite thing to write was murder stories. She had me in love at the first sentence in her profile picture. She said “when you meet me, ask what my favorite way to kill someone will be, see if you will make me mad then afterward!” We decided to meet up on February Eighteenth. We met up and lived happily ever after, and that kids is how I met your mother. Now kids, don’t you have homework to do? Now what do you want LIily? Just wondering if you can kill someone with lego bricks? Well, if you can take care of the kids for an hour, I’ll be back. You will have your answer in an hour and I think the kid’s bully problem will be solved too. Love you number four! See you soon.