The Battle of the Bulge!

"I suppose you think this is funny, O Easter Bunny?" Narelle muttered at the golden foil clad bunny, smirking at her. It was now months past Easter. A kind friend had months ago gifted her with this cute top of the range chocolate bunny, symbol of new life and hope for us all.

Unfortunately, over that fateful holiday, Narelle had indeed met her Gall Bladder surgeon. Her gallstones had been as those old pizza pies she had eaten. Yes, okay, having recovered from emergency surgery, Narelle was still being classified as 'fair, fat and forty.' "Okay, okay," she told herself sternly, "Fat buckles, stop eating so naughty, that's why you are so fat and forty."

She could no longer process fat in her daily food intake, so that meant, 'NO COOKIES, NO CHOCCIES, and most definitely, NO PIZZAS, as well as NO JUNK FOOD!!!!!" Despite this new regime, Narelle still looked and felt no slimmer. The Easter Bunny was still snickering, he was sitting there, laughing, tempting but so beyond her reach.

"The laughs are on me!" Narelle declared, as her scales nearly collapsed. "This calls for extreme action, must be affirmative. The battle of the bulge is for real." "Right! I have found a solution!" Googling eagerly, totally motivated, Narelle located a neighboring community weight loss club. But it was at 6:30 pm each Monday night.

Okay, that meant no weekend binge eating. It was time to confront her failure and seek support from like-minded ordinary citizens, just like Narelle. Scary, but she wanted to be slim, maybe finally find someone who liked slightly chunky lard butts. Forty is the new young.

Narelle was a naturally cheerful person. She covered most of her appearance for her first meeting with her best black dress slacks, and a plus-size jacket. She had even had her hair done, sleek and stylish. "Best foot forward," she told herself, "Personal best!"

Entering the weight loss meeting was even worse than her imagination had envisaged. Narelle was welcomed and adorned with a name badge. Then she had to be weighed, it was beyond gross. Everyone else lined up behind her, it was a public weigh-in. The skinniest woman Narelle had ever seen announced to all the participants, exactly who and how much each person had lost or gained in grams and pounds to all and sundry. Fat-shaming had arrived at new lows.

No one else seemed to mind, so they all sat down, and listened to the skinny, if not skeletal, Brenda. She looked brittle, but was a really effective graduate of weight loss, a success story, an inspiration for her chubby audience.

A lecture took place, with visual input and updates on healthy choices in this new lifestyle. There was a more than cute, but well-rounded man who had chosen to sit next to Narelle. He nudged her hand, as Brenda was extolling the undoubted benefits of steamed chicken as a lean meal option.

"We need to lighten up here,"Eric said, as his eyes seemed to consider that Narelle had a fair face, in his age range, and had appealing, but very hungry eyes. As the meeting disbanded, everyone quickly left Brenda to her weight loss graphs, and gold stars for winner of the week.

Eric smiled at Narelle, as she gathered up her new information pamphlets and shoulder bag. "Read that later," he said, "Here's my card. After the Monday night fat attack here, most of us head home for crumpets, raisin toast and tea. hot, sweet and strong. I do live with my mother, I have a loaf of raisin toast waiting for us, if you wish to visit for Monday night treats. We have to reward ourselves."

Narelle hesitated, but was more than intrigued. Eric only lived two streets away from her. She paused, feeling unsure and shy. "Do I need a can of mace?" she asked, " I am still fatter than you. I shall sit on you if you are naughty!"

Eric was a jolly chap, he laughed. Narelle thought she might, so she drove herself around to his house, and met his lovely mum, Jess. It was all quite platonic, soon they were really delighting in slathering butter on raisin toast. Eric apparently loved the old western series of olden days, so they sat down and viewed Rawhide and Bonanza. Narelle, Jess and Eric sang along to the nostalgic theme songs, slightly paraphrased, "Yes, we came home for raisin toast and tea!"

Slowly, the weeks of weight loss pluses and minuses, gold stars, encouragement stickers, and their flabby plateaus went rolling by, note pun. Eric stayed so jolly and smiling all the time. Soon he and Narelle were exercise buddies. Constant walking and starvation remedies like lettuce and minimal fats had led to Narelle's long vanished waistline emerging from its veil of cellulite.

Narelle did wonder why Eric persevered with her. Would they ever be tummies in the night, no longer strangers?Why was Cupid so chubby, was that a subtle sign? The way things were going, there seemed to be no immediate danger. She did keep on silently hoping, but wasn't sure if Eric was secretly gay. He was a charming companion, just the same.

These comrades faced up bravely and cheerfully to this determined of the bulge. They somehow won monthly trophies for affirmations, as the brittle Brenda bared her rictus grin, skinnier than ever. Narelle and Eric had been nominated to compete in the national weight loss convention. Free airplane tickets were supplied .It was a a momentous occasion, selfies and beaming smiles. Eric won best male dieter in the land. He felt as is he had been in training for this his whole chunky life.

Narelle followed Eric to the taxi, as they headed off home via the airport. He had a new tailored suit, he did present a dashing sight, fully trim. Not far away, Eric suddenly announced. "Pull over there, driver. Narelle, I cannot stand lettuce. Let's stop pretending!" As she looked bewildered, he said, "Here is a coffee shop with cakes. There is a hotel, the best. Why don't we have raisin toast and tea, hot and sweet like you?"

So, Narelle and Eric were soon regarded as the failures of their suburb's weight loss campaign for healthy foods and lifestyles. They abandoned their gym memberships before they even started. With that fateful first Jello, indeed their lard butts did grow! Eric proved himself to be a reliable, jolly and saucy companion. They were quite happily and cheerfully wed, thank you so much for chance encounters,

If ever Narelle spotted brittle Brenda in the supermarket, she turned to the chocolate aisle. Safe! The Easter Bunny still survives, chocolate was still calling, but Narelle kept him as a mascot. Can anyone win the Battle of the Bulge? That naughty Cupid is a fat little guy!