The Father

**Trigger Warning**

Contains acts of abuse, violence, religious themes, and language

...

“I’ll just have a glass of water please.”

“Is that all you’re having Erin? We’re supposed to be having lunch. They have an amazing-“

“She’s fasting for our day of prayer tomorrow.”

Darius grabbed the menu from Erin and tossed it on the end of the table.

“You’re so wonderful. Your guidance has helped me so much.” She looked up at him sheepishly.

I was dumbfounded but chose to contain it. “It’s so nice to see you, honey. I don’t think we’ve gotten together since Easter. What have you been up to?”

“Oh, I’ve found this amazing group of people that I’ve been staying with up north. Darius brought me up there and I loved it so much I didn’t want to leave.”

“And how did you two meet?” I glanced over at this stranger next to my friend and felt my stomach turn. Something about him didn’t feel right to me.

“I joined that home church again, the one we went to as kids. They were doing some amazing local outreach programs and that’s where I met Darius. He scooped me up right away and we’ve barely been apart from each other since.”

“I’m sorry, what is it that you do?” He was staring at Erin so intently. “Darius.”

He cleared his throat and gripped onto her arm. “I’m a full-time disciple of God.”

Growing up I knew men like him. I could see through his chiseled façade. Erin, however, didn’t know any better.

“All the men living in our community have been destined by God to lead his flock. It is our duty on this earth.”

“That’s right!” Erin chimed in. The excitement in her voice didn’t match her appearance. She was thinner than I remembered, visibly exhausted. The dark rings below her eyes told me she hadn’t had significant sleep in days.

“Are you okay?”

“She’s perfectly well. Our community is thriving.”

“I asked Erin.”

“It would be lovely if you could come for a visit, Alice.” She gave me a half smile. “Could she, Darius?”

“If Father allows it.”

“Oh, it would be wonderful! You can see all the good work that God is doing there!”

“Perhaps I can get the time off of work, but only for a little while.”

We wrapped up our lunch as Darius got up from the table and quickly sped through the café.

“Where is he going?”

“Probably to grab his car. He always has me wait for him. He’s such a gentleman.”

“I don’t think gentleman is the right word.”

“He truly is wonderful, Alice. You just have to give him a chance. I was so lost without him, but he’s shown me how my unworthiness to God’s love was the reason I was struggling. He’s taught me how to be silent and listen to him speak.”

“I don’t think he’s good for you. He’s just like Brian was. You remember what I went through with that man.” I was trying to be gentle with her, but I feared I might have been too blunt with her.

“Darius is not like Brian.” She furrowed her brows while staring at the tile floor.

“I’m sorry, hon. I’ll come with you to this community of yours. I’d like to see the good you’re doing in this world.” I changed tactics.

“That would be lovely! We head back in the morning. Meet us here.” She handed me a motel business card from the outskirts of the city. Darius had pulled up to the front of the café and honked.

“Bye, Alice!”

“Bye…”

…

I arrived at the motel in the early morning. Erin was there to meet me. 

“Darius is dropping the rental off next door. We’ll have to take your car up there. I hope that’s okay.”

“I guess so. I’ll have to fill up with some gas.” 

“He’s going to drive us up there though. He’s a good driver.”

“I can drive my own car. The man isn’t on my insurance.”

“He’s going to insist, Alice. It’s better to just let him do it. He says his duty as a man is to take charge.”

“Erin that’s not-“

“Finally. Let’s go.” Darius shouted as he walked through the small lot. “Hand me to keys, would you Dinah.”

Erin grabbed the keys from my hand and softly placed them in his hand. “Dinah?”

“It’s my spiritual name! We all have them.”

I winced and hopped into the car. 

…

The car ride was long and silent. Darius was the only one that spoke on occasion. Every time I tried, I could see his narrow stare through the rear view mirror. Erin slept most of the way.

The place looked like a ghost town that I’d seen on tv. There were no running cars, hardly any signs of life, and no lights. I nudged Erin awake.

“This can’t be it.” I whispered.

“It’s not.” Darius said, clearly irritated by my presence.

He pulled the car over in front of a decrepit hardware store, the old signage barely visible under years of growing ivy.

“We walk the rest of the way.”

“I can’t just leave my car.”

“We have to leave the car here. Father doesn’t allow modern stuff in the camp.” Erin said as she unbuckled her seatbelt and jumped out.

“Let me have my keys then.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll take good care of them.”

“Erin, if you don’t tell him-“

“He’ll give them back once we’ve reached the compound.”

She grabbed my hand and we walked down an increasingly darkening dirt path while Darius followed behind us.

…

We walked for a couple miles in absolute silence. The late summer air was dense. I could smell the pine trees surrounding us like a heavy, suffocating blanket.

Finally, I could see fire light in the distance. I screamed out in relief, startling myself with my own noise. 

“Shhhhhh.”

I looked at Erin.

“Only Darius is allowed to speak upon entering.”

“Shut up.” Darius growled as he passed through us through a broken wire gate.

I found myself in front of a group of about 30 people, all of them wearing a brown tunic. They all sat by the fire while a man stood in front of them, humming.

“That’s Father!” Erin eagerly whispered into my ear, a sudden burst of excitement.

An old man appearing next to us, guided me to the outskirts of the circle as a few of the others gathered around Erin, bowing their heads and kissing her hand. I watched as Darius drifted up to the front and whispered something into the humming man’s ear.

“Welcome, my friend. I am Father Hashabnah and these are the people that have chosen God’s purpose.” He spoke in a low, almost lethargic whisper. His hairline was greatly receding and his beard gripped to a square, stern jaw. He was tall and thick, sturdier than the majority of the people that surrounded him. The other men had roughly shaven faces and shoulder length hair, while the women sat with their chins touching their chest, frail. This was a group unlike anything I had seen before.

I glanced over to Erin, but she was among the other women, on her hands and knees in front of the fire. 

“It’s nice to meet you.” I said sternly.

The man looked away as soon as I spoke, calling another man to him.

A few of the women quickly got up and grabbed me by the elbow still bowing their heads. They lead me to a small tent a several yards through the pines. My bags shortly followed. Erin had finally joined the small group of women who had nodded their heads and left.

I watched them from my tent. Erin held a small cup in her shaking hands and took the liquid like a shot of medicine. I had to find out what it was.

…

The night was long. I had found falling asleep difficult, and when I did, I would dream of his face. Snarling, screaming, stretched. That’s the only way I could remember Brian. The dreams were muffled, in slow motion, the only words decipherable were “shut up”. The face would change. Back and forth, from Brian to Darius back to Brian until I couldn’t tell the difference. 

I woke up to a deafening blast from a horn.

The tent shifted as the opening flaps were peeled away, allowing bright daylight inside.  

“Come on Alice! They’re starting the morning ceremonies. Get dressed!”

“Jesus, Erin. What was that sound?”

“Don’t worry! Here!” she tossed me a tunic that resembled hers.

“I’m not wearing that nasty-”

“Put it on! Let’s go!” She ran back out of the tent. I rushed to put the outfit on so I could catch up.

I was finally able to view the landscape in daylight. The pine trees created a beautiful canopy of intertwined branches. There was no city noise, just the sounds of wildlife existing in the pleasantries of the nature surrounding them. But the air was still heavy and the burden of my presence there lingered.

…

The following days were torturous. The schedule was filled with meditations, prayers, and Father Hashabnah’s hours long preachings. His bullshit was insufferable, but Erin sat, wide-eyed, absorbing everything he was saying into her poor soul. I tried to gain moments alone with her, but the men were always around. And when they were around, the women, including Erin, would walk with their heads bowed, never making eye contact. The worst of it all was the intense silence among them.  

I was an outsider peering in to a way of life so abnormal yet not unfamiliar. I drifted in an out of small silent groups, trying my best to appease them, prove to them my reasons for being there were spiritual guidance. I dare not tell them the truth.  

I had last seen Erin working in a garden not far from the tents. I had climbed inside to rest my head from its constant pounding. When I woke up, the sunlight was dimming. Disoriented, I looked for my watch.

Erin burst through the tent, tears streaming down her face. I could see glimpses of scratches and bruising around her cheeks in the low light of the evening. 

“Oh my god what happened to you?” I pulled her inside and wrapped her in a hug I’d never forget. 

“Nothing. Nothing…” her voice faded into my shoulder. 

“Who did this to you? What’s going on” 

“It’s my fault. I’ve been too chatty during our hours of prayer.”

“Who told you that? Was it fucking Darius?”

“Shhhhh. Don’t curse here. And he’s just following the leadership of Father. Father guides us to God’s purpose.”

“God doesn’t beat people Erin. He doesn’t speak. He doesn’t tell people to do-“

“God’s wrath is something to be feared. I’m supposed to be meek and silent. But I’ve failed him today. I deserve to be punished for my actions.”

“No. These aren’t the actions that should be punished.”

She sat up and listened outside the tent. Her eyes grew wide and terrified. 

“Come home with me in the morning. Please.” I begged her. “I can’t watch them do this to you. You’re starving. You don’t sleep. They’re not good people, honey.” 

She responded in a low whisper. “I have to get approval to leave. And Darius has to come with me.” 

“We’ll solve that problem when we get to it. Just tell me you’ll come home with me.”

“Okay. Maybe.” She gave me a hug and left quickly out of the tent. I can save her tomorrow, I told myself. 

…

I heard a rustling of long grass next to my tent in the early hours that morning. Low, deep whispers passed quickly. I poked my head outside to see a few silhouettes pull Erin out of her tent and walk toward the main part of the compound.  

“Shit.” I rushed to grab my shoes. I slowly followed them to a small shed next to the wire fence surrounding the compound. They stepped inside.

I waited in my hiding place for a few minutes before I began to walk closer. A deafening scream came from inside. Panicked, I tried grasping the door. It was locked so tight it didn’t budge an inch. I looked for a window, or even a small crack between to wood panels, anything to try and get Erin. Suddenly I could feel the air changing. The oxygen was getting thicker, sinking to the bottom of my lungs like lead. I couldn’t breathe. I was being consumed by the earth, sucked into quicksand beneath my feet.

I finally found a small opening in between the wood, trying hard to adjust my eyes to see inside. I caught a glimpse of her. Amidst a wall of candles, Erin’s small frame laid flat on the floor as a few men surrounded her.  Father Hashabnah was bent over her face, saying something I couldn’t understand, but I could see her fear. They had somehow tied her to the floor, restrained her. 

All I could do was watch as Father Hashabnah grabbed her face and kissed it. I recognized Darius standing beside him. I could see my beloved, naïve friend struggle, attempt to scream, but by the time the sound came up to her throat, he had already cut out her tongue.

…

I yelled. I cursed. I banged against the walls of the shed. I refused to be silenced. I could see the men’s heads turn to the crack in the wall that allowed me to witness their horror. As they stormed out the door, I spit at them.

I began to run. No matter how fast I ran, I heard nothing but the pounding of my own life beating through my chest. How had it come to this; running for my life, for my voice. I was lost in the pine trees, searching for anything familiar in the depths of the mountainous dark that surrounded me. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t think. Escape illuded me like an animal evading prey. I was going to die out here and they would take me.

I collapsed next to a large bush. Everything in my body was failing me. I tried to adjust my eyes in the dark to look ahead. I knew I saw a small red blur in the distance. And some familiar, decrepit buildings. It was my car, where I had left it a week ago. 

Elated, I tried to run again, barely making it two steps. I didn’t have my keys.