From Across the Road

How many days does it take to develop cabin fever? Research would suggest anywhere from a week to two weeks, depending. If someone was told by force to remain inside and only come out to scavenge for toilet paper, would anyone be surprised if that time was shortened to about four days. Every morning is the same, roll over kiss the wife good morning and put on my Father’s Day slippers. Stand up and make the terrible morning grunts and hobble outside the bedroom. Complete the morning rove to get a head count on my kids and two dogs. I can usually find our German Sheppard, Baxter, at the window overlooking the road. The rove ends in the kitchen conveniently right in front of the coffee pot. Grab a cup, the laptop, open my emails and mentally walk into the office.

My wife, Caitlin, is the first down the stairs, she is a very routine person. Since her job cannot be performed outside of the office, we’ve agreed to cast no judgment on wake up times for our family. Our children have the exact same rule, but be sensible, no waking up at the crack of lunch. She makes her cup of coffee and joins me at the table. The dogs usually join her to receive their morning love, but not Baxter, for some reason he’s staying at the window. Every minute he runs over just looking at me, I already finished my food, what does he want. When I return his gaze he runs back to the window, weird.

After 30 minutes I’ve decided to join him at the window, he seems fixated on our neighbor Richard. Good guy Richard, older gentleman but very kind hearted. His wife always says hello to my kids when they get off the bus. The kids love going over there to pet his little Weiner dog, although his dog doesn’t fancy ours, especially Baxter. I should go talk to him, but socially distant. Walk out in my Target Sunday best pajamas, no shame in quarantine. I make it to the edge of the road, my slippers will get muddy, eh they were $5 who cares.

“Hey Richard, haven’t talked to you since everything went down how are you now?”

“Good and you Tim?” Richard asks in his Michigan accent, could be Bostonian, I’ve always been terrible at geography.

“Aw not so bad, Caitlin is making some apple pie later if you and Mrs. Allison want to have a slice.” I always try to be hospitable, as I said, they’re good people. Although Allison might have a gluten thing.

“No I don’t think we will Tim, Allison and I plan to stay inside for a while, I’m sure you can understand.” Little rude I thought to myself, but he’s got to be at least 70, I’ll let it slide, different era or something.

“I don’t know Richard, you know how Caitlin gets with the sweets, I tell you if the gyms stay closed I think I won’t be able to leave the house once they let us, I remember yesterday…”

“Tim it’s not safe for her to go anywhere, please drop it.” Ok that one was just plain rude. 

I decided to just let Richard be and grab the mail and head back inside. Caitlin didn’t hear a word which is fine, wouldn’t want her to hear someone doesn’t want to eat her pies. Time to go back to the office. Like clockwork Baxter is back from the window. “Go lay down!” This is starting to get annoying, back to the window he goes. The sudden guttural barking that ensues makes Caitlin drop her pie crust, well that’s good now Richard doesn’t have to go anywhere. “Baxter go lay down!!” Baxter’s a good boy, but he continues to bark. I join him at the window, Richards hauling a couple trash bags with a mask on, how gross can one mans trash really be? It looks heavy, but as I said he’s old. I should help him out.

I couldn’t even make it to the mailbox before Richards screaming “ Go back inside Tim, I got this.” I’m not sure if this is a pride thing or what, but I’m going to help him to apologize for being too pushy earlier. As I step closer this smell hits me, baby diapers don’t compare to this smell. Maybe one of his little yip-yip dogs passed. That would explain his demeanor earlier, well now I feel like a jerk, this should be his time to mourn and there I was pushing him to come have pie. How do I tell him I’m sorry about this morning without being overtly annoying. In my calmest voice I tell him, “Hey Richard I’m sorry for your loss, I didn’t know her too well but she was great.” 

There was a look of terror on this mans face, I guess he didn’t think I was going to piece all of this together, but I am smarter than the average dad. Suddenly, this wave of energy came over Richard and he sprinted to the trash can, dumped the bag, and ran back inside. Way to go Tim, you insensitive prick. I head back inside to find my wife watching in the window with Baxter. “What’s wrong honey?” I ask assuming she watched the whole exchange. She asked what was in the bag, and I explained how Richard’s dog just passed away and he’s very upset and I probably just made it worse. She asks if we should go over there with the pie to try and make everything better. Good idea, things couldn’t get any worse.

We start packing some things in Tupperware and there goes Baxter again. I explain to my wife that this probably isn’t the best time, she reassures me that it’s the right thing to do, after all they do so much for us. We head outside towards Richards house, as we get to the end of our driveway, a squadron of police cars rush into Richard’s yard. The police come rushing out of the car guns drawn. They break down Richard’s door as one officer begins to ask us some questions from Richard’s driveway.

“Sir do you know Mr. and Mrs. Riley well?” He sternly asks me.

“Yes officer, in fact we were just heading over there to console Richard for his loss.” I explain with pie in hand.

“His loss? So y’all are aware of the situation? And you’re ok with it?” The officer asks with a look of disgust and fear.

“Well yes sir, I mean it’s very tragic but these things happen everyday.” I feel offended by his facial expression. Dogs do pass, it’s a way of life, nothing that pie can’t fix, especially Caitlins.

After the exchange, the officers inside Richards house start funneling out, they now have a hold of Richard who is now in handcuffs. Well damn, did Richard just kill his dog, man you think you know a guy, poor Allison, I thought. She really loved that dog. The officer instructs us to go back inside, before I turn around, I explain to the officer that the dog is inside the trash can, you know for the forensics team. We head back inside and watch through the window with Baxter. The officers open the trash can and make a gesture to a cop standing by his car. He brings over a body bag. I start thinking, all this for a dog, I got a shovel and a large backyard, I can save some taxpayer dollars real quick. One of the officers puts the garbage bag on Richard’s lawn, and opens it up.

The first thing he pulls out is a hand…with Allison’s wedding ring.