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ATTENTION: THIS IS NOT AN ENTRY FOR THE CONTEST! I wrote this story a while ago and want some feedback.

Gracie Doran sat sulking with her packed suitcase in her parent's bedroom. This is so unfair! Everything had been so perfect. The day had started out like any other day. Gracie had gone to school, and spent time with her friends debating whether Jackson was cuter than Carlos. When Gracie had gotten home, she was shocked to find her parents loading some of her younger brother's belongings into an old suitcase. 

"Hey there kiddo!" Mr. Doran huffed as he wrestled with the zipper on the bulging suitcase. "Dad, Why are you packing some of our things into those old, filthy, suitcases?" Gracie asked him.

"You and Jamie are going to be staying at your Aunt Charlotte's house for a couple of weeks, while we go to a very important conference meeting in Germany." He said. "Aunt Charlotte!" Gracie laughed so hard she nearly shrieked. "As in your crazy sister Charlotte! You're kidding right?" As she stared at her parent's faces, she knew they were serious.

Gracie had heard stories about her aunt many times. Her Aunt Charlotte lived near an old, abandoned, mansion in France. She believes that the mansion is haunted by a demon, and it is released whenever somebody looks in a beautiful mirror. She also thinks that if it is released, the only way to capture it again is to make it see its reflection in a special handheld glass mirror a special glass handheld mirror.

"Your Aunt Charlotte is not crazy! You're going with Josh, and you'll be nice to your aunt!” Her dad shouted. Frustrated, Gracie groaned, ran into her room, and slammed the door. “You know how hard it was for her last time we went on a trip. Why are you so hard on her?” Mrs. Doran whispered softly to her husband. “She’s 16, she can take care of herself. She’s getting older, you need to accept that.” She said, glancing at Gracie’s bedroom door.

The next day, Gracie’s aunt picked them up in her suburban. As she hopped into the old, black car with Josh, she was stopped by her mother. “Please behave, we love you.” Mrs. Doran said leaning forward to kiss her kids on their foreheads. “We love you too, Bye.” they shouted leaning out the open window of the car as it drove away from their parents.

As they pulled into the driveway of Aunt Charlotte’s beautiful victorian style house, Gracie caught a glimpse of an old, wooden sign that said in bold letters, Salvorian Mansion in 2 miles. “Is there really a mansion around here?” She asked, instantly regretting it. “Yes, but never go there!” replied her aunt with a crazed look in her eyes.

As soon as she stepped into her aunt’s house, Gracie regretted it. The house looked way better on the outside, than it did on the inside. The walls were lined with boards of wood, and the living room was as small as Gracie’s bedroom. “Where are our rooms?” she asked, trying to not be rude. “Upstairs, it’s the room on the left.” She responded with a smile.

When they got to their room, Gracie felt her heart sink. The bunk bed was so small that she had to put her bags on the floor, and lean over just to sit on it. Gracie thought about the sign, and decided to have some fun.

“Do you want to go do something fun with me?” She asked.

“Okay, as long as we get back here in time for dinner.”

As they were leaving, Aunt Charlotte spotted them. “Where are you going?” she asked. “Were just going for a short walk, to stretch our legs.” Gracie lied.

“Okay, just be back in time for dinner, and don’t go near the mansion!” their aunt hollered as they closed the door behind them.

As soon as they got outside, Gracie started to go down the trail leading to the mansion. Josh was so distracted that he failed to notice the signs that lined the pathway. When they reached the old, dusty, brick mansion, Josh finally realized what was going on. “Gracie! Aunt Charlotte told us to stay away from this place! We should go back to the house!” He shouted.

“Are you coming, or are you gonna go back like a little baby?” Gracie said with a smirk. “Besides, we’ll be fine!” She walked into the building and counted under her breath. Sure enough, five seconds later Josh ran in after her. “Okay I came in, now can we go back?” He demanded. Ignoring him, Gracie went up the first set of stairs. Groaning, Josh followed her.

When they reached the top, they found piles of rubble, and burnt pieces of an old curtain. “I’m not going any further than this step.” Said Josh, hoping Gracie would go back with him. Ignoring him again, Gracie ran up one of the other staircases, Josh followed her.

When Gracie reached the top, she opened the first door she found. When they entered it, Josh gasped. They had found the master bedroom. As they explored the room, Gracie tripped on a loose floorboard, and grabbed onto a bookshelf to prevent herself from falling over. Once she regained her balance, Gracie tried to pull one of the books to see what the title was.

As she pulled it out, Gracie heard a low rumbling sound. Suddenly, the bookshelf swung back to reveal a dark, hidden passageway! "No way I'm going to go down there!"Josh exclaimed. "Fine, you can stay out here and watch for ghosts!" Gracie replied. "Ghosts! Wait for me!" He hollered as he ran down the long, and dark tunnel.

When they got to the end of the tunnel, they found a large room made mostly out of glass. In the center of it, there was a beautiful glass mirror. It was decorated with small glass doves in different positions, and gems bigger than Gracie's hand.

Gracie strode over to the mirror and laughed. "Gracie! Get away from that thing!" Josh exclaimed, staring at her with fear in his eyes. "No way! I'm going to prove that Aunt Charlotte is wrong about this place!"

As Gracie turned towards the mirror, she fell into a trance. A few minutes passed, and nothing happened. "Okay, you've already made your point! Now let's go home!" Josh yelled. Suddenly, Gracie started shrieking, and ran towards Josh. She grabbed his arm, yanked him down the hallway, and through the hidden door. As Gracie pulled the lever to close the hidden door, a massive black cloud of fog zoomed towards them. It was a demon! Thinking about the stories her aunt told her, Gracie searched the room until she found a handheld mirror. Please be the right mirror! She thought.

As the fog came closer, Gracie lifted the reflecting surface of the mirror. When the demon’s face appeared, it glanced at its reflection. There was a bright flash of light, and the demon got sucked into the mirror.

As they were leaving, Gracie placed the mirror on the ground, grabbed a large rock, and smashed the mirror into tiny shards of glass. Then, they went back to their aunt’s house.

When they arrived, they were surprised to find their parents standing in the doorway. A few days later, after receiving a ton of discipline from their aunt and parents, they went back home. After that experience, Gracie never doubted her aunt ever again.

December 07, 2020 22:42

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1 comment

Beverly Riddle
22:46 Dec 07, 2020

Hi!!! I am new to Reedsy and I am hoping to become an author in the future. I will appreciate any feedback. I wrote this in high school so there are probably some mistakes. If you can, please give me any ideas on how I can make my story better. Thanks.


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