Mother of the Bride

A cold rainy day was just the cure Bailey needed. After a week of mundane work, reading a book while snuggled in a chair against the cool window with a cup of hot tea was the perfect way to relax. The soothing pitter-patter of the drops on her window hypnotized Bailey deeply into her book and for a brief moment, she got to feel like she was part of the perfect, beautiful family in her book. As usual, her perfect evening was cut short by the buzzing of her phone. The screen lit up ‘mom’ If she did not answer this call there would several others until eventually, she did answer.

               ‘Hello?’ Bailey tied to sound happy even though she was dreading this call. “Why do you think I am calling you?” her mothers’ tone was tight and hostile per usual. “I don’t...” Before the sentence could even come out her mother interrupted. “Yes, you do. I just found out through your brother that you already picked out a venue for the wedding. I told you that I wanted to see it first. How could you do this to me? I am your mother this is just as much my wedding as it is yours!” the absurd words pierced Bailey’s ears. She was the peacekeeper though, so she knew she had to be calm. “Mom, they had another couple looking at the same day. If we did not book, we would have lost it. And we can go tour it together anytime.” Bailey smiled to help her tone come out warm when what she really wanted to say was ‘ARE YOU CRAZY?? This is not your wedding you have already had two! Let me live my life I’m 23 god damn years old!’ But being the peacekeeper came with the price of biting your tongue. “I don’t care what excuses you have. I made myself clear and you OPENLY disobeyed me.” And with those words, her mother hung up. Bailey took a deep breath before heading to the kitchen. She placed her cup in the sink and reached for the newly opened bottle of rose on the counter. Tonight, tea was not going to be enough.

               The morning sun poked through the bedroom curtain casting a perfect square shadow on the wall. Bailey could not help but admire the may the sun always found that exact spot letting her know it was time to get up. 9 AM sharp every morning that shadow queued her to take out the dogs. She rolled over and kissed Connor's forehead before sliding out from beneath the warm covers. As soon as she opened the door Max and Nina greeted her. The two golden retrievers waited patiently for her to gesture to the back door. The moment she did they tripped over one another trying to be the first one out. The cold morning air filled her nostrils and relieved the burn from the tears that put her to sleep. All night she contemplated calling her mother back and telling her that she was ridiculous, and any normal mother would be supportive. However, she knew it was hopeless. She knew her mother would never be normal that for the rest of the life her mother lived this would be their normal. As if on queue a text notification chimed from inside and she knew exactly who it was from. The message read. I have decided not to attend your wedding since you do not care whether I live or die. I have been the best mother in the world, and you treat me like crap. Goodbye. Bailey could not even look at the phone. The white-hot anger was blinding. ‘How could a person talk like this to her OWN child?’ Every once of her body told her to fight back to stand up for herself but she could not. She had to be the bigger person because her mother never would. Defeated she called the dogs back in and returned to her bed. Connor pulled her closer and hugged her tightly. She let out a sigh and wiped the tears from her face. “She’s not coming. Or so she say’s” Connor squeezed her again and said, “Babe, you know your mom she just needs a few days to get over herself and it will be like nothing happened.” He was not wrong. Her whole life her mother had behaved like this. Anger, erratic, and mean one day and sweet as sugar the next. Bailey closed her eyes and began to imagine how her life could have been so different if only her mother was normal.

               The buzzing of her phone woke Bailey suddenly. She had not even remembered falling asleep. The screen lit up ‘mom”. With a heavy sigh, Bailey hit accept. “Hey.” “Hi, honey I wanted to tell you I talked to your brother and he agreed that you could use your niece and nephew in the wedding party.” “That’s great mom, thanks for checking with him.” “Of course! What’s wrong Bailey you sound funny?” “Oh, I haven’t been feeling well the last two days, so I was sleeping.” Bailey had said this not so little white lie too often. Her mother could hardly care if it was the truth. “Oh yuck! Well, feel better love you!” Just like that, her mother’s mood had already shifted and another call had ended. Bailey's body was weak and exhausted. This constant rollercoaster was too much for her to take. Her mind came back to a thought she had more and more lately. ‘why does she have to be my mother?’ Bailey often envied her friends whose mothers were supportive; from a young age, she knew that this was something she would never relate to. She checked the time, noon. It was time for her to face the day and try to put the never-ending merry go around that was her mother in the back of her mind. Bailey made her way to the kitchen and filled her Keurig with water. She found a note from Connor on the counter. Hey beautiful! The bridal boutique called to verify your reservation and the number of guests. Call them when you can. Love you. C. A familiar heaviness settled over her chest. Pushing her negative thoughts to the back was not going to be an option today. She crumped the paper and headed back to bed.

               Bailey looked in the mirror and practiced her smile as the saleswoman who introduced herself as Bridget tighten the back of her dress. Today she would need to be good at faking it. Her mother would not hold back her ruthless opinion on every dress she tried on. She was just praying one would be good enough to get this out of the way. “There! You’re already, it looks amazing!” Bridget smiled at Bailey in the mirror. She looked at the white dress flowing over her body. The sweetheart neckline was flattering, and the mermaid cut was exactly what she wanted. For a brief moment, she felt happiness wave over her. ‘Maybe she’ll like this one.” Bailey tried to lie to herself. “Let’s show them.” She said with a sigh before walking out the dress room door. Instantly her friends began to smile and gleam from ear to ear. One by one they started to shower her with praise. “What do you think mom?” Bridget asked with that annoying never-fading smile. “Honestly, I don’t know why Bailey would want something that shows how fat she is.” Eyes widened and looked at Bailey in shock. Before anyone could say anything, Bailey faked a laugh to break the tension. Everyone lightened their expressions assuming it was a joke. Bailey turned to Bridget “Let's try the next one.” Bridget nodded and they headed back into the dressing room.

               “Sorry about my mom, she’s just like that.” Bailey looked at the ground feeling the heaviness of her mother starting to surround her. “You shouldn’t have to hear that, I’m the one who’s sorry.” Bailey smiled to stop tears from breaking the surface. Several dresses went by all with mothers' disgusting comments that Bailey looked fat, old, or ugly. She felt defeated. “Okay, the last one,” Bridget said as she opened the door once again. Bailey stepped out feeling emotionally battered. Her mother rolled her eyes and dropped her head into her hand. “Why couldn’t I have a daughter that looked like me? Why do you have to look like your father? I don’t think we will EVER find a dress that will look decent on you.” The years of constant emotional warfare and manipulation were too much. Bailey could recall as early as 5 years old her mother had threatened to kill herself if Bailey did not say she loved her more than her father to the divorce court. Her whole life had been constant emotional abuse and she could not live another second feeling this way. This was it she had the courage she needed to finally tell her mother off. “I think that’s enough for today Bridget. Let us get out of this.” Bailey smiled and started to walk back to the dressing room where she changed. Bailey spent the next few minutes thanking her friends for coming and apologizing for the awkwardness of the day. Her mother smiled at her and waved her over.

               “Well, that was a disaster.” Her mother tied joking. Bailey took a deep breath and finally summoned the courage she needed. “yeah, mom it was. Because of you.” Her mother’s brow shifted with a look of confusion. “You have been emotionally abusing me my entire life!” Bailey could feel her blood pressure rising as the anger started to boil over. Her mother started to open her mouth, but Bailey cut her off. “You have put me on this rollercoaster of emotion almost daily and I can’t do it anymore.” “What is that supposed to mean?” Her mother's shocked expression showed just how diluted her own image of herself was. “I want you out of my life, you’re not invited to my wedding, and don’t EVER contact me again. As far as I am concerned this relationship is over.” Bailey walked away living her toxic mother standing alone on the sidewalk. She tried calling out for Bailey and threatening that she would be sorry. Bailey kept her pace and headed to her car. As soon as she pulled out of the parking lot tears began to fall. The guilt was already settling in and she began to wonder if she did the right thing.

As soon as she walked through her front door, she ran to Connor's arms open. He hugged her tightly assuming that her mother has behaved terribly as usual. “I told her I want her out of my life.” Bailey’s voice broke and she began to sob. Connor squeezed her tighter. “Well do you?” all she could do to respond was nod yes. She knew she needed to have her mother out of her life, but it still hurt. The next few days Bailey’s phone was flooded with text messages and phone calls from her Mother. She chooses to ignore them and continue with her wedding planning. Finding a dress that she loved and felt beautiful in, tasting cakes, and meeting with the florist. She felt the pain of losing her mother but also felt happier just knowing that her mother no longer had control over her life.

               Over the next few months, Bailey's world transformed. She felt happier, healthier, and finally felt the pure joy of wedding planning. She had finally accepted that her mother was not going to change and felt confident that cutting ties was the right choice. While there was still sadness in her heart there was no doubt that her mother's toxic behavior was the root of her mental decline. In just a few short days she would marry the love of her life and she would not have to worry about her mother ruining the day.