BEYOND PARDON

  For most of my life,from up here, a half mile above the earth where everything once looked perfect to me. I stared at the clock “Tik Tok”,it was loud; followed an order like fine lyrics of one's favorite song. I curled myself up into a ball, covering myself with the resplendent mustard duvet reminiscing,reminiscing memories from the past. I wish I could relive those brief years of infancy and childhood of flying the kites so high and determined, like it was the most thrilling activity to ever do instead of reading the expensive books grandma got from the affluent family she works for; shouts and goose bumps from my crush standing beside me like the air-conditioner constantly gave me. Now, it was a tale of gloom, pain and uncertainty. Didn't they know I was pushing 15?

It was just 5:20 am in the morning and the sun crept in unannounced, shifting the moon of its reign. This was definitely not the trip I was looking forward to, watching the market go from still and serene to loud and busy. The market erupted in rage, having awoken from its peaceful slumber. The stores were packed, and street vendors made the street extremely narrow, forcing people to walk in a single file like soldiers marching to battle. Helen, mother’s best friend from childhood, constantly vexed at the bus conductor who kept making unannounced stops for a number of  people who battled for the last bus, making it seem like it irked her when mother told her to accompany me to my least favorite uncle’s residence. She checked her phone for the 30th time counting checking for the time, while the sun warmed the stuffy, stinky air that smelled like sweat and rotting fish. No air freshener could have gotten rid of the sour, rancid stench that pervaded the cramped air here.

The afternoon flamed the market, and exhaustion and breathlessness silently approached first-time visitors like me. The city was big, it was busy and people acted less civilized than the people in Horttons did. It was as if they were almost like us, but then then the most intriguing thing was how everyday buyers proudly resisted the market's torture and continued shopping.The market's deafening chaos caused ears to split as if you were standing beneath a massive speaker.Vendors yelled prices with their mismatching extremely bright outfits like they were competing for the most fashionable, and irritated housewives argued angrily with the irritated shopkeepers. I was getting exhausted, but at least the sight from the window kept me company.at last the next curve headed us straight to our destination.

Their house was an attractive Mcmansion colonial,built in the late 90’s like most of the houses in this part of the short island. The grass was rich green and the stale air suddenly became fresh when the uniformed security man allowed us through the entrance. His residence was  bigger than I thought, with lavish cars spreading all over the compound and neatly cut short trees perfectly shaped in squares. It was beautiful. I tried to hide the excitement of me finally being in my new house, at least uncle Tey would enroll me in school and his children would make me feel at home.I wish mother had a better job to enroll me in school after father got deceased just like how uncle Tey sent Dede and Delorm to the “big,big” schools i see on television. I proceeded towards my room after exchanging greetings with uncle Tey and his family. My room was big enough to accommodate mother and all my siblings. It was Celeste with an arresting crimson bookshelf with each book depending on each other. The wardrobe was vast and swallowed an entire wall. I slightly parted my curtains revealing the tall red tall tree planted behind my see-through window. Its flowers were bright and had veins and inner flowers of light purple like it had been colored with an almost done marker. I fell in love with the dripping sight and felt like I was dreaming. Hours had passed and I had enough time to unpack and even have some more rest. Their oldest brother was coming home today and everyone seemed engaged and busy.

The night was young and the sky was still naturally gloomy as the ethereal moon shone up with pride, with a dark rain-bearing weather.”Leo would be here in 20” Delorm announced across the house breaking into my thoughts, informing the arrival of his 21 years old brother who was 4 years older than he was. I stretched wearily getting off my bed analyzing his stay, being in time for dinner.I moved towards the dining table and dished my portion of the food served just like everyone did, with Leo sitting adjacent to me. He was tall, dark and handsome and looked twice his age.His beard was properly shaved, and he had scythe-shaped brows and a buzz cut; his oaken jaw was framed by a pointed nose and half-dome cheekbones. He wore a clean turtleneck ash top with a coarse textured pants and shoes to match his top that fit perfectly with his muscular body.

Leo had spent about 2 months already, and was indeed a jovial person. He had an innocent smile and seldom got irked. He always led Tuesday's evening bible studies and was everyone’s heart.

It was 11 pm in the evening and all four of us were still up watching a movie. The moon was stuck right at the top of the sky catching the kind of light and chill that makes all neighborhoods quiet. The lights went out a few minutes later and southeast of our neighborhood was greeted with extreme tranquility except that the evening breeze won’t stop whirling around making monumentous noise. I could hear the angry growl and barking of our dogs, with each barking loudly simultaneously like they had been asked to compete for the loudest bark. It was still dark and Dede and Delorm both headed towards their rooms. I tried to follow but was stopped by the sharp grip of Leo’s hand. He stops me and makes me sit beside him after his siblings are long gone and tells me not to make a sound. Next thing I know he grabs on my left chest telling me to be quiet. I was scared. He made me settle on his laps and told me how beautiful i was. I felt so cold,this coldness i felt did not grip my body as much as it did to my soul. I beg him to stop and like he’s been delivered, he realizes his mistake and apologized, pleading with me not to disclose this to anyone.I was shocked. Terrified. I couldn't sleep after I rushed to my room, trying to convince myself it was unintentional. 

Weeks passed and evening owls kept hooting. I forgot about the incident and moved on. It was still 2am and uncle Tey and his wife had to rush rush Dede to the hospital 

After her severe stomach ache. I was slightly awake because I prepared his bath before they took off. My door knob turned open and I was now too sleepy and tired to be bothered. Next thing I know, my mouth is covered and I opened my eyes to see a smiley Leo and a nearly scared Delorm in front of me. I was just in brief silky red underpants, so I'm virtually naked. His eyes raked over my body, and I folded my arm uncomfortably across my chest and covered myself properly. I tried to stay calm, but Delorm quickly stretched his hands to lock the door behind us taking out the keys. I turned and tried to run to the bathroom door, but Leo was quicker than I was and managed to drag me away before I even touched the knob. “No” I screamed, kicking my legs out trying to get out of his grasp. He held onto  me and hoisted me over his shoulder walking over to the bed throwing me down on it unceremoniously. I pleaded with tears, which began to stream down my face. He coaxed me, gently taking his shirt. “I have been waiting for this moment way too long from the moment I saw you. He says with no form of sorrow.i pleaded in agony, but next thing i know he forcefully removed my clothing in anger. I still begged and pleaded, with my face covered in tears. I tried to cover my nakedness but it was to no avail.”you better not make a sound” he whispered the warning with his voice menacing, he moved closer to me trying to pry my unwilling legs apart, but i kicked and shoved away screaming for help but Delorm caught me in time for me to stop. Leo was fuming now , sending a series of slaps across my face.”STOP TRYING TO FIGHT, STOP” he yelled this time. He reached for his belt and started to hit me continually. I screamed in pain and anguish when I felt the strokes against my delicate skin. “Please stop, stop!” i cried and stopped struggling. I was weak and cold. The air conditioner now blew hot air and the curtains now looked different to me. Even my favorite bed toy “como” looked smiley now. I was quaking with fear and my body felt like it had been through hell fire. “Now be quiet, it won't hurt, don't worry” Leo says smiling. I turned my face away  from him not wanting to see the devil in front of me now. He pried my legs   apart and had his way. With me now weak from screaming, I painfully stare at the family picture we took during Christmas. It was a picture of me smiling. What was left out of what was once used to be my image. It was all about me now. I saw death flash before my eyes and I couldn't bear it anymore. Both brothers took turns and it felt like eternity, all I could think about was mother and how she would have protected me from these demons that kept chuckling and panting.” Please stop” I quietly said with a tear dropping onto my now bloody sheets. That was the last thing I said before  I passed out, or that was what I thought.

It had been 12 years and the bare sight of males disgusted me. I was hurt, and broken and no amount of pity could make me forget that night. It was just a coincidence that I had to work with Mr. Peters, my husband, for the position of sales director 6 years ago in a company we worked for before we got to know each other. I could have been wrong about this species and could have misjudged most of the sweet and patient ones as well. He understood me like  no other and happens to be my best friend and favorite person.it could have been a dream of how life moves fast but he taught me the importance of moving forward without looking back.