Back on the Beat II

       Tony De Fallimento kneeled in the base of the toilet, spilling lasagna and sprite nto the now dirty bowl. Thankfully, he was in the single-person washroom back-stage, or someone could have walked in on the old musician. A knock came at the door.

             “Hey, Tony, we go on in twenty minutes,” the rhythm guitarist called from the other side.

             “Alright, thanks Jacky,” Tony spoke back, attempting to sound normal. Like he was just taking a piss or performing some pre-gig ritual. The opening act, called Viking Blade, were finishing their encore song, “Little Miss” that had been their biggest hit back in ’87. The crowd cheered, but they were mostly at the venue to see Tommy D, former front man of Ghastly perform.

             Tommy retched again thinking about how many people had packed into the tiny bar to see his return to showmanship. Ghastly had played their first ever show in this same building all the way back in 1972. Back then, it had been called The Funk but had changed ownership and names in 2003 to be called Darkroom. Tony sat back from the toilet with his back against the wall. Apart from the style of clothing worn a few modern renovations, the small club still pretty much looked the same- especially the tiny bathroom he now occupied.

             Years of graffiti done with magic marker covered the cracked walls with faded white paint peeling off. Tony read some of the defacements on the opposite wall, left by past musicians over the years, dreams of stardom in their eyes. Carey Dennings and the Saints 11/7/86, The Rowdy 5/18/97, Cropscutter 9/7/12, Paperback Writers 12/11/68. Tony wondered what had happened to all these musicians and their bands. None of them looked familiar. Sure he must have seen quite a number of the groups who had signed their names on this wall in the late sixties and early seventies (Paperback Writers sounded familiar, at least), but Tony was quite sure that none of the artists had ever made fame. Only one name in this room had achieved stardom.

             It was the band Tony had signed himself, right at eye level for anyone who would be taking a piss standing up. Ghastly 6/24/72 was a tad faded but still very visible on the wall. A relic of rock n roll history to anyone lucky enough to find ig on a bathroom trip.

             Tony gave a nervous laugh thinking about the old days to take his mind of the crippling anxiety he felt about playing. All the wild nights of smoking pot and drinking beer with local groupies before and after performances at seventeen years old before the record label had discovered them and signed them on. Ghastly had opened up for another local band, called The Love. The giddy teenagers had stumbled onto stage after the older group had introduced them to their first experience with acid. Forty minutes of pounding instruments with belted lyrics ranging from high school love to mild occultism- inspired by the forming of America’s “Satanic Panic”- had shown that the Hippie music of The Love had fallen out of favor for a more grim sound that Black Sabbath had debuted.

             Tony almost laughed now, remembering how young and naïve they had all been. Viking Blade had finished their set and were conversing with the young musicians Tony had selected to be his backing band back-stage now. The audience, made up of lifelong fans from the seventies to teenage metalheads who appreciated the classics, shouted from the bar area for Tony. A new shakiness came over him.

             Fourteen years. Fourteen years was how long it had been since Tony had played a so g in front of other people. Too upset to be playing in a dive bar instead of a stadium and too inebriated from a relapse before totally calling it quits from drugs and alcohol, the performance had been an incoherent disaster. Tony had played the wrong chords and sang off key with unintelligible lyrics. The crowd of around three hundred people had acted like they had been watching a toddler’s uncomfortable variety show instead of a rock legend perform.

             Though the last sixteen months had been spent practicing and rehearsing with the new band, the fears of repeating that incident weighed heavily on him. A world tour of stadiums starting out in this small club was what was needed. To go out with a big hurrah. Playing a show sober for the first time since doing house party gigs at the age of sixteen and performing music for the fun of playing for the first time in almost thirty-five years.

             Tony picked himself off the ground and onto his feet. The room spun like a top momentarily before going back to normal. He splashed cool water on his face then looked at himself in the dirty mirror. The stoke had really done a number on him years ago, mixed with the divorce, but he was still alive. Exercise and a newfound enjoyment for playing with these young up-and-comers had really been the medicine the old man needed.

             “Five minutes, TDF!” the drummer, Sean called out. Five minutes?! Tony quickly turned around and bent over to vomit in the toilet again. How was he supposed to do this in five minutes?

             He could call off the show. Postpone or cancel it altogether. Claim sickness or something. It wouldn’t be the first time Tony had upset his fans or group. No, it wouldn’t be fair to those kids you promised big things to in your group his conscience told him. He pulled himself together and opened the bathroom door to meet his band.

             The guys were standing close together by the entrance to the stage. The all stared at their front man wide-eyed. “T, you doing okay?” Bassist, Marky, asked. “You look pale.”

             “I- I’m fine, just getting ready to perform,” Tony answered in a mousy voice. He reached for a water bottle and drank deeply, hands still trembling.

             “Hey, don’t worry, big man, you’re a god to these people, we are gonna wow them!” Jacky exclaimed, high-fiving the other twenty-something year olds. They reminded the has-been so much of the other members of Ghastly back when they were young and still got along. Oh how money and ego change a person.

             The time had come. The instruments were all set up and soundcheck performed. The three young adults all fiddly stepped onto the stage to a crescendo of applause. Dizziness took over Tony’s vision as be languidely made his way to the microphone standing in the middle of the platform. Thunder made from claps and feet stomping roared inside his head. A monstrous scream of cheers pierced inside his mind, almost high enough to break glass. How long had it been since Tony had heard a crowd this excited to see him?

             Tony picked up his guitar and slung the strap around his shoulders. Nerves running a riot through his body, he asked the attendees how they were doing tonight, which was met with another explosion of sound. Mouth dry and tongue feeling swollen, Tony glided the pick across the new strings of his old guitar. The sound reverberated throughout the room of standing individuals.

             Tony looked down at the setlist on the ground. A perfect mix of Ghastly hits and solo artist crowd pleasers. He’d even included a cover of Sabbath’s Children of the Grave to pay homage to his idols midway through the show. The other guys had been stoked to play it- even Tony had to admit he was pretty antsy to play the songs live again also.

             The shouting and claps died down. People were looking up nervously, almost expecting another infamous moment from the King of Blunders himself. Even the other musicians stared at each other to give looks saying “What’s going on?”

             Tony knew he was taking too much time. The thought of looking like a horrible spectacle of a Child getting stage fright made the nausea return. No! Stop it. He told himself in his head. He began the first riff of “Divebar Dream”, the hit from his 1984 album, Get It Hot. The other members stepped in. Drums slammed along to the pounding bassline while the rhythm guitar kept the groove rolling. Tony shredded the licks, the nervousness fleeting away like a bathtub when the plug is pulled. The crowd cheered when they recognized what the song was. Everything was falling into place and Tony felt like he was in his twenties again.