The Journeys ' End

Bells, flashing lights, as the nurse with their polished white shoes scurry down the sterile hallways, curbing their steps outside my mom’s room. As they glimpse through the door offering a polite smile or a nod, then continuing down the hall, a sea of faces blending into one.

 An agonizing turn of events, I began to wring my hands in appreciation of the realization that I will be alone for the first time since my childhood. And the painstaking task that lies before me, weighing the pros and cons of what the next step should be.  

“Decisions,” I sighed, leaning back in the chair, basking in the warmth of the sun. Long shadows stretch across the room and over my mom’s bed.  A deep sigh escapes my lips as I bent down. The softness of her cheeks upon my mouth lingers as I leave the room,  leaning against the door listening for a tiny intake of air.

“Mom,” I mumbled as though it is a prayer, weak eyes, and flush cheeks. Heavy is my footsteps walking toward the Nursing station, a tradition for over a year. A cheery ‘Hello,’ the Nurse on duty said, jotting down the time.

“Hi,” I managed to say, biting my lip, debating whether I should inquire about my mom’s current condition.   But before any words could escape from my lips, another Nurse stops by the desk before I left. ‘It will have to wait,” I said, under my breath, walking toward the elevator, stepping into this ‘tin box,’ its doors quickly close, jerking free from its perch, descending to the first floor.

I shuddered at the thought of all the possibilities, what might happen, re-playing the image of finding my mom lying on the kitchen floor, ‘I wasn’t gone that long?  When I had noticed a lady peering stare over the rim of her glasses. ‘Or was I,’ I  said to myself, ambling down the street to the parking garage, taking the opportunity to soak up the sunlight before heading back to work.

I was glancing at my cell phone. I decided to grab a quick lunch at one of the Cafés along the way, at a small Italian Restaurant. Already some patrons were seated, engrossed with their conversations and food. After sitting down at the Iron wrought table, my cell phone started to vibrate, ‘I’ll call them later.’ shoveling it back into my purse.

A waiter, with soft brown eyes, blinked when he spoke, “Excuse me, Ms.,” feeling the warm touch of his hand on mine as he handed the menu to me.

“Yes?’

“What would you like to drink?” he said

“Water with lemon,” I replied.

 The waiter ambles to a young couple, lost in each other gaze and fingers entwined as he approaches the table. They parted for a brief moment, glimpsing over their menu, ‘Oh,’ I moan, ‘To be young and in love,’ as I continue to gloss over my menu.   As an older couple, I guess, in their sixties, chosen a table opposite from me, a slight smile watching him hold her chair as she gingerly sits down, with a gentle pat of her hand, taking a seat next to her ‘Now this is real love,’ I thought—glancing from one couple to the next, the young versus the old, and more mature.  Still, the older couple captured my attention, reminding me of my parents before my father's death.   

And now.., “Ms, are you ready to order?”

“Um.., I’ll have the Cesar Salad, please.”

A gentle breeze through the trees, a whiff of flowers linger in the air, finding myself in another time and place of innocence when I was ‘in love. I haven’t thought about for over a year, ever since, ‘um,’ the accident. What was his name? ‘Oh, yes, Don

         “Sally, how long will I have to wait?” Don said

         “I don’t know,” I answered, making a peanut and jelly sandwich

         “I can’t wait forever.”

         “Tom, you need to understand that my mom needs me, especially now.”

         “This is one more excuse.” He said,

         “It’s…, - then the sound of the door closing as he walked away. And that was the last time we saw each other, though I have heard that he is doing well for himself, Still another time perhaps, but um.., one never knows…

“Ms., your salad.”

“Um, thank you.”

Springtime, I mused, a time of new beginning, but, well, I wonder what new beginning will be in store  for me?”  And will I be ready for it? Still, this wasn’t what I thought my life would be like a year ago, and I felt that...

“Are you finish?” the kind-hearted waiter asks,

“Huh?’ I said, realizing that I had barely eaten my salad, “Yes, thank you.”

-(one year ago)-

“Hello, what is the emergency?” the 911 dispatcher asked

“Um…, my mom.., she, um.”

“Try to relax and start at the beginning.” The calm voice said

“Okay., my mom., “

“Is she awake?”

“Um.., yes.”

“Is she able to talk?”

“Yes,” I said, “She fell and banged her head.”

“Is her head bleeding?”

“Um.., I don’t see anything.”

“The ambulance is on the way.”

“Thank you.”I managed to say

“You’re welcome.” the dispatcher ended the call,

‘Breath,’ I whisper, with nimble fingers, brushing aside a few loose strands of lank hair from my mom’s eyes, the warmth from her forehead against my cold hand. “Breath,” I said, inhaling a prolonged intake of air, tears well up in my eyes, watching my mother's still lifeless form, small labor of breaths, leaning over I remind her to stay calm, and that help is on its way. 

“Mom?- the sound of the cuckoo-a clock strike in the background, “Mom,” I said

 Her breathing touches my ear as she answers, “Yes?”

“Hang in there… - mom,” I said- a knock on the door- the ambulance arrives whisked my mom to the hospital. A sigh of relief t  headed out the door, the humming of my tires as I lose myself in my thoughts. ’ How did this happen? ’ I wonder, after all, I wasn’t gone that long. Or was I?’

“Mom, I’m heading out to Don’s.”

“Ok, dear, don’t be too long.”

“I’ll call you when I get to his house.”

He was waiting outside in his Fire-engine red convertible. I rush out the door and into Don’s waiting arms. With the warmth of his body and a passionate kiss, we hop into his car. The autumn breeze dances through my thick golden blonde hair, riding off into the sunset as it sinks behind the horizon.