Impossible to leave you behind...

The dizzy morning sun reassured her of all that was to come. Jasmine had barely slept, an uneasy cold sensation had settled down in her gut and no matter how hard she focused, it wouldn’t budge.

She had deserved the once-in-a-lifetime-opportunity, then why was she hesitant?

These weren’t nervous issues or the growl of home-sickness. In fact, she was all prepared to leave her family behind and seize the 2021 Pixel award with her fellow colleagues. Today was the day, she would be set free to achieve her ambition, to make her long-forgotten dream come true.

Jasmine sat on her windowsill observing the sky with her naked eyes. She concentrated hard on the vast blue ocean above her head though, she knew she would never find the answers this way.

Gently, she shut her eyes, for a few seconds, all that she could feel was the uneasy tingling sensation disturbing her from within. Annoyed and irritated, she let go of her posture and slumped down on the window.

How was she going to deal with this? Her bags were packed, her flight booked even the taxi had been scheduled. Was she second-guessing her decisions, she couldn’t, it was the right thing to do she reminded herself, ‘Mom would be proud.’.

The door to her room creaked open and in came Leila, she beamed in her direction and rushed to pull her night gown. Jasmine distracted herself and concentrated on the corgi, the golden-brown creature tugged at her pink, silk gown, her body filled with energy, enthusiasm in her eyes.

‘Lucky Leila’, she thought, ‘she never has to make decisions that could make or break her career.’. Leila tugged harder causing Jasmine to trip on her.

Overwhelmed by the sudden shock, she giggled as the dog barked anxiously. Playfully, she stroked its ears and whispered in her scruffy morning voice, ‘Someone is going to miss me.’. Leila barked at her hand and blushed red as if she had heard her.

Jasmine pretended to be cross and folded her arms, the dog intently crept in her lap and howled. Softly she spoke, ‘Leila, how can I leave you?’ and hugged her pet tightly.

It was then that she thought to herself, ‘The more she stayed, the harder it will be to leave.’. In a rush, she climbed to her bed and texted her group, : 'D-day! All ready to leave!'. Deep inside, she knew she was texting to herself, reassuring that her decision was probably for the best. Leaving Leila alone, she scampered into her bathroom.

---

The table was set with the usual eggs, bacon and heavy, frothy lassis (it was Aunt Harman’s compulsory menu), nothing special had been set up to bid farewell to the daughter of the house. Humming one of the Doris Day songs, Jasmine swirled into the kitchen. “Que sera! Sera, the future is not ours to see”, she sang out loud, hugging Aunt Harman on the way to the breakfast table.

Normally, father would sing along however, he had shut his lips and blocked his eyes by hiding his face behind a newspaper which barely had any space and was engrossed in ink.

Veeru winked at Jasmine from his seat, the pain of her beloved sister leaving for what must be months, had started to pain him.

Jasmine gently pulled a chair and took her place drumming on the table, a beat unfamiliar to even her. The clock’s minute hand passed several times and Jasmine simply stared at the breakfast, hesitant, something was eating her inside.

Finally, she broke the deafening silence, “Where is Jamille, she is an early bird ?”. Aunt Harman shrugged and the others ignored continuing with their activities.

It was Jasmine's twin sister that she valued the most, the only true family member she ever had. However, more than that, they were the same, both literally and figuratively. Being twins had made them closer, more than best-friends. To Jasmine, Jamille replaced their mother for her and for Jamille, Jasmine was and always would be mother-like.

Just like a child and a mother, they had an invisible umbilical cord, one of comfort and the security of having the second you, a back-up plan when you fail to be you.

Jasmine lost her patience and was just about to call Jamille when she arrived looking smaller than most days as if she had shrunk.

And before Jasmine knew, she was pulling Jamille into a hug. Suddenly, Jamille resisted, “Your perfume! Jasmine, it is awful!”, the same old joke every day. Jasmine giggled and forced Jamille to sit next to her. Feeling odd, Jasmine inquired, “Does anyone know, what is today?”.

Uncle Johan replied with disinterest, “A Monday of course, I have to be back at work, see ya”, with which he half-hugged his wife and winked at the girls. Jasmine felt betrayed, Uncle John, without a goodbye? Who knew how long it would be until they meet again?

Aunt Harman declared, “I need someone to help me with the chores.”. Jasmine volunteered but before she could change her mind, instructions were shouted at her. 

---

All through the morning, Jasmine wanted to acquire attention. She tried her best to bring up the Pixel award again and again but all her questions and comments were turned down by an awkwardly busy and occupied Aunty.

Right now, she sat in her living room waiting to be acknowledged as Veeru hopped down the stairs. Jasmine shot up, “Veeru, sit with me. I wouldn’t be around as much you know.”.

Cautiously, Veeru seated himself on the leather sofa and held Jasmine’s hands who felt rather delighted. Casually, she started a conversation, “My taxi comes at four, not much time. I have just six hours which are passing like minutes.”.

Veeru nodded gently and exclaimed, “I forgot Leila in the park! I have got to her Jas, my dear. See ya!”. Jasmine frowned, the loneliness was killing her like a drug, she lay on the couch for what seemed like eternity thinking nothing, just a black slate, she concentrated on.

A faint chitter-chatter arose her interest and she rushed to her father’s study. Mr. Porter was not her biological parent because he was more than that. He had never married Jasmine’s mother in fact, they were just good friends. When the girls had become orphans, he was the first one who showed up on the doorstep and had taken the twins in his arms. He had never let go of them, not even after all these years nor had he ever married.

Jasmine found her father to be attending to a phone call in his relaxed uniform and curly blonde hair. She plopped down on his armchair and listened to the conversation.

“Uh hum, yes, yes Dr. Breitweiser. I’ll do the needed. At the end of the day...it is for her own good…”.

The man stopped dead and immediately hung off as he eyeballed his daughter, “Jasmine, better knock next time.”. Jasmine grinned and launched her questions, “Who is Dr.Breitweiser ? You were talking about a girl, her? What's all this..”.

Before she could finish, Mr.Porter put his fingers to his lips and snapped, “This is not for you to know. Just one of my clients”. Jasmine nodded promptly and brought up the Pixel award, “I will miss you dad, the day has come.”.

Mr.Porter cleared his throat, “Jasmine…”. Jasmine grew excited, the first time someone would at least mention it. “Honey, your shirt, it is dirty, look”, he said pointing sharply to a stain on her clothes. Jasmine, irritated, complained out loud, “Why is everyone changing the topic! I am…”,

Mr.Porter’s phone rang and reluctantly he picked it up and left the room. Jasmine was boiling with anger and hatred, she slapped her fist against the door as she stomped up to her room in a foul mood.

Her furious outburst could be felt even by Leoilawho jumped out of the way as Jasmine belly-flopped on her bed, muttering under her breath. Leila watched tentatively, fearing to be a victim of her hot-headed owner.

It didn’t take long for Jasmine to blink a tear. She stood up from her bed and trudged to the window sill and hugged Leila tight just like she would hug her mom.

‘Mom, where was Jamille? ’, the thought struck her.

She peered out the window to catch a glimpse of Jamille’s room. The only barrier between the two was a huge tree on which they would talk all day long, but only when they were teenagers. Time passed by, they grew up and slowly, life changed. The visits became frequent, then usual, then often and then rare.

Guiltiness took hold of Jasmine who found Jamille on the tree, her eyes closed, a notebook on her lap. Silently Jasmine crept out her window and hopped to the platform.

Jamille shot up and was nothing but surprised to see Jasmine towering over her. Her first impulse was the turn over the notebook. Jasmine noticed this and plopped down beside her, her head resting on Jamille’s shoulders. “What’s that, Jam?” she inquired in a soft and gentle tone.

Jamille shrugged and hid it under her legs, “Does it matter?”. Jasmine shook her head and awkward quietness prevailed as the two lay like that for minutes and minutes.

“I guess this is our goodbye.”, Jasmine suggested. Jamille sighed a long deep sigh and gulped hard. Jasmine took it personally, finding it strange, she began to sob, “Why is no one responding? Have you all forgotten? Your Jas is... going to achieve her dreams? Is it not imp..”. Jamille interrupted, “Shush now, honey.” and she slowly embraced her sister, not letting go.

Jasmine wept louder. “I have a secret.”, Jamille whispered. Jasmine sat up and looked her in the eyes. Jamille broke down, “I can’t keep it from you anymore.”. Jasmine snapped, “you shouldn’t have kept it to yourself, what is it?”.

Jamille had tears in her eyes now, “I am sorry.”, she stammered. Jasmine grew frantic and impatient, she shaked her twin, “Say it!”. Jamille took a deep breath and began, “I have Muscle dystrophy. 3 months left.”.

Jasmine’s eyes widened as her mouth hung opened, “Muscle… Mom”, was she could say in her paranoid stage.

“I got it from her. The doctor...told me.”, faltered Jamille who collapsed onto Jasmine with heavy tears streaked across her face. Jasmine held her like a mother held her baby, she wiped her tears off and spoke boldly, “3 months, is it.”.

Jamille nodded, “That is all I have left.”. Jasmine wailed, “No! Please say it is a prank…”. The two cried and bawled for ages, both knew what it meant secretly but pretending to be perplexed..

Finally, Jamille stood up, “Time for you to leave.”, she spoke pointing at her phone’s brightly lit screen, the screen read ‘3:43 PM’. Jasmine ignored, “I owe you. Thanks for saving me.”. Jamille smiled, “It had to be one of us.”, breaking down once again. Jasmine stammered, “Whom did you tell first ?”. Jamille beamed and pointed upwards toward the sunny haze of blue, “Mom”.

Jasmine laughed as she picked herself, “Why did you never tell me?”. Jamilled replied, finding it had to choose the right words, “Cause then you’ll break your dreams once again…just like you did after Max died. Jasmine looked away, feeling too emotional to keep up the conversation.

Jamille continued, fearlessly now, “I had rather die knowing that you won your award, knowing that at least one of us had their dreams come tru…”, her voice trailed off and she abandoned Jasmine alone by herself, leaning on the great tree.

---

Without any moment’s thought or pause, Jasmine picked up her cell phone to receive Hannah’s call, “You didn’t come. We are the Airport. Hurry!”.

Jasmine softly responded, “Not coming anymore.”.

“What do you mean?”.

“Not now, it is an emergency, I have a girl to take care of.”.

“What, who is she?”.

“Sweet, just like me, I have to be there for her.”.

“You can’t, this is your dream!”.

“This girl gave it to me, I owe her”.

And with that Jasmine pressed the tempting red widget on her screen as the call ended. Jamille stood across the room, there was Leila in her arms, she let a genuine soft smile.

Jasmine beamed at her as if saying, “I love you.”.

Jamille nodded slightly and then cuddled Leila, embarrassed but delighted she spoke, “You know I always wanted you to stay.”.

Jasmine giggled, “You know I never wanted to leave.”. Jamille blushed and winked at Jasmine as if she understood what she meant.

Jasmine took a short sigh and fidgeting with her phone said, “So where do we start?”. Jamille twinkled and the beautiful moment seemed to extend forever as they stared at each other knowing exactly how the other felt like.