The Silence Burns

Content warning: emotional abuse, rejection, family pressure, strong language.

Their gaze hits the colorful ceiling lying in dusk, as they throw their head back. Watching light and shadow intertwine, dancing for a spot, their back hits the ground.

Why does life have to suck? Why can’t it be like this scene? Serenity in the evening sun?

They sigh.

Stacked up on each level are blooms of life in various forms and sizes. Amidst the droplets of dew, they lie.

Staring at this beautiful arrangement of waving greens, they can never get enough of – lost in thought about the past three hours.

Funny how just thirty minutes can change your life, just that silly timeframe. Others eat for that long.

No, for them, this span of time was fundamental, in a way, to the point where their insides are screaming.

How dare they?!

I gave them everything! Everything!

No, for me, these passing seconds, fleeting as they might have been for some of the others, were near torture.

Fingers sink into the earth beneath, a spade in time.

A sting of tears blurs their vision for a moment.

It’s like I dug my own grave and just fuckin’ stood there.

Rooted, to the spot. Like, I wasn’t giving her a piece of my mind right then and there. In silence, unfortunately.

I mean, I was always there, that’s true, and they never really returned much, no?

So, why, oh why, would they do now?

Why, in hell, should they ever open their god-damned mouths?!

A leaf slowly falls in circles; it’s dancing a near mock to the passion burning inside the chest it ends up on.

Frustrated, they roll over on their left side, a breath tearing jaggedly through their teeth.

Morons.

Their shoulders are slightly shaking as the wind brushes through the greenery once more, waving up in spirals.

Tingling petals in the thicket add to the cacophony of the rare birds and other animals inside the forest, hiding any sounds they might make.

They close their eyes, lungs filling with the hush of the incoming night, as the last twinkles of sunlight hit their eyelids.

Slowly, they take another breath. In two, three, four, hold two, three, four, out, two, three, four, five. Repeat. Can’t have a smudged mascara.

Another inhale, and they slowly sit up. Their eyes gradually open, unveiling vibrant violet eyes with a hint of green, already present in the surroundings.

Unfortunately, the words still ring in their head:

“You know, if you were a little bit more like your cousin, darling, I surely would teach you. I mean, it’s not like the trait doesn't run in your family, but I don’t see myself working with you, I'm sorry.”

Only to turn to Nivra next to them, to say “Oh, pretty, you I want to work with, come with me.”

They still see the retreating backs in front of them.

Funnily, the anger is now closer to simmering. Their cousin? Laughable. He’ll make her want to quit her job early.

That slow-minded idiot of a teacher has not even an inkling about how their adorable baby cousin is.

Most children in their family are particularly strong-minded. Still, that specific cousin is a brand of his own. Oh, how proud the various generations at home are of the children.

Head bowed, their gaze hits the moss. And oh, how mad they're gonna be.

They still have to decide on how to phrase ‘So, the apprenticeship I prepared for, for 2 years… yeah, the teacher didn’t like my focus on Herbalism studies.

Guess who’s not doing the job now?’ – without them losing it and storming straight to the council.

Oh joy.

Watching a small squirrel jump and climb past them, mirth joins the mix of their emotions.

Suddenly, they have no trouble imagining the future of that teacher with their cousin. She’s going to have her hands full with that one.

Never mind that he will probably be pissed that I’ve been kicked before him. And people say I’m the vindictive one.

Shaking their head, they brush against the moist ground, already sticking to their boots.

However, the fact that the whole fucking group of people they studied with for four months said absolutely nothing.

Everyone just sat on these stupid stone steps, before the post-initiation building. Lodged there, stumped, and yet clueless about their upcoming misery.

Who the fuck does the summaries, mhm?! Who teaches them the most basic principles a toddler should be able to grasp? Who made sure their projects were completed on time?

Don’t mind me. Please, I mean, who says I can’t just watch you?

I’ll enjoy seeing you fail.

I’m going to make it on my own anyway and steal my cousin's precious notes in two years.

Chances are, I’ll thrive better without them anyway. I’ll break through that damn ceiling on my own.

No more, “oh, it’s a group project, so everyone receives the same grade.”

Or their favorite – not. “Shit, I totally meant to do that, uhm. You know, I’m kinda off on vacation now,” eight hours before deadline, when they were supposed to do half the work.

Not that the rest of that group of imbeciles is any better.

These fools will never graduate that way. Floundering for basic jobs at best.

But me? Once I am accomplished, I’ll meet their teacher at a committee function. Showing her precisely what she missed.

Oh, oh!

Maybe, they can convince their cousin to choose another specialty!

A laugh escapes into the hush of dark, startling a nearby rabbit in the process.

It’s not like he doesn’t possess any other qualities. Yeah, let’s do that!

They roll back over. Only for a second, they imagine his graduation next to a fuming teacher. Beautiful.

Yet, on another thought, their grandmother might disagree… Still, their aunt has a slightly spiteful streak herself.

So, if they ensure their cousin would consider a potential change of career himself, officially, they should both be fine.

Especially, because this apprenticeship is just for the official statement, anyway. Technically, both he and they could opt to do something completely different afterward. Yeah, sounds like a plan.

Taking another deep breath, they get up. Time to go home – spread the news, and make sure no one loses it.

Picking up their phone, from where it had lain next to them, a message from their cousin is already waiting. “You’re not back.”

Sent 2 hours ago.

They smirk. Surely, he’s mad now, perfect.

Even if they’re nearly sorry for that. Only a little though.

“No, will be in 10. Wait for me after the explosion.”

Slipping the phone into their bag, they turn to leave the small clearing.

Passing a fox den, they jump over a fallen tree, decomposing, already regrowing in various forms of new life.

Eventually, the moss beneath them turns to gravel as they leave the forest's peace behind.

Following the path to the settlement of houses, they stop before the one overhung with climbing plants, the earth colors of the façade only shining through – let’s see who explodes first.