Pocket watch

“Hi!” said the girl, eagerly. She was dressed from head to toe in white linen, enthusiastically hugging her white clipboard, bouncing from one foot to the other. She reminded me instantly of a puppy I once had, only he licked his genitals continuously, and at that moment, she showed no sign of doing anything similar. 

Man I felt weird.

“I’m sooo excited, I love showing new people around it’s just my fav thing to do ever!” she squealed, her voice escalating to a pitch that ended at a point that made me cover my ears.

Was I dreaming? No. I’ve had weird dreams before sure, but this was different. It was too real. Too solid. I rubbed my eyes and tried to get them to adjust to the brightness…Man! Why was it so damn bright in here?

“Hi. Hello I’m Ruby or Rub’s, or just R if you prefer. God! I’m so excited I was chosen to show you around.”

She spoke at such speed her words blurred, so I just nodded and focused on her lips.

“Sorry, is it too bright in here for you? Not a lot I can do I’m afraid you’ll get used to it in a few minutes we all do are you ready for you tour do you have any questions? If you have any questions please just stop me and say Rub’s I have a question and I’ll answer it for you or at least I’ll try not all questions have answers here but I’ll do my best.”

I raised my hand in the air like a primary school kid. Rub’s stopped, drew in a huge breath and smiled.

“Sooo sorry, am I speaking too quickly? I’m just soo excited” She pretended to zip up her mouth. Then nodded. And continued hopping from foot to foot.

“Hi.” I said. “I’m really sorry, this is a bit embarrassing. I have no idea where I am. Is this a hospital? Am I sick?”

Ruby shook her head enthusiastically and made a sound like she had a gag on.

“Ok, am I dreaming?”

She shook her head again. Then attempted speaking with her mouth tightly shut. I let her struggle on for a bit.

“It’s ok, you can unzip.” I said. She pretended to unzip her mouth.

“Phew thanks, it’s so hard trying not to speak…did I mention I was a bit excited about this?”

She flipped over the sheets on her clip board and ran her finger along the words of one page. Her tongue wiggled against the inside of her cheek as she read.

“Right, here we are. You are Marcus Keely is that correct? Oh God! Please tell me that’s correct. I’m not sure what happens if you’re not Marcus Keely…are you Marcus Keely?”

“Yes I’m Marcus Keely, but to be honest, I don’t remember much else.”

“Ok that’s fine, you will, it’ll just take a little time, it’s to do with the journey, nothing to worry about.” She produced a pen from somewhere in her pony tail and scribbled something on the paper.

“Good, yes, you’re Marcus. You’re 44 years old. You have a wife called Emma and two children Katie and George. Life was good for you. Is that any help? Are you remembering anything at all?”

“No, not really……...Wait, what? You said life was good for me? What do you mean, was?”

Ruby continued scribbling things on her paperwork.

“You worked as an English teacher.” She squinted her eyes at me waiting for my response.

“And you’re dead, are you ready for the grand tour now? Should we get started, I’m itching to show you everything. God its sooo amazing here, I love it and I just know you will too.

“Wow! Hold on, you said I’m dead? Are you crazy? Is this some sort of joke? What’s going on here? This isn’t funny. Please, come on, tell me what’s happening to me. I’ve gone mad haven’t I, I’ve finally flipped and lost my mind. I knew those year six’s were going to break me.” Ruby stepped forward, without hesitation she put her hand on the top of my head. Warmth radiated from her palm and surged through my scalp, down through my body. I could feel myself gently start to shake, every cell in me tingling and buzzing. It was better than anything I had ever experienced.

“What are you doing to me?” I said through gritted teeth.

Ruby leaned in and looked closely into my eyes.

“How are you feeling now? Better? We really need to get on follow me and try and keep up there’s so much for you to learn.”

In a flurry of white linen Ruby spun on her heels and was striding away down the sterile corridor. It stretched out in front of us as far as the eye could see. Every so often a large oak door would appear and break the monotonous white walls.

“Wait!... Ruby!.... Rub’s!.... R!.... Is this heaven? If I’m dead, is this heaven?”

She stopped abruptly and spun round, enjoying every second of the drama.

“Yes Marcus, you are dead, and this is heaven, if that’s what you want to call it. This is where everyone ends up when they die. I mean, as if there would be more than one place to go when you die…imagine the paperwork!”

She walked as fast as she talked. 

Still buzzing a little, and feeling a lot more at ease about life (or death) than I did before, I scurried along behind her like a toddler. We passed many doors before she stopped and spun to face one. It had a number etched in to it. She checked her clip board again.

“Here we are, this Marcus, is your waiting room. If you feel faint at all just let me know and I’ll zap you again. I’ll come and get you when we’re ready. Any questions?”

My heart throbbed in my throat, which added a base line to the silent ringing in my ears, but the curiosity was too much to bare, and with my newly found calmness, gently twisting the knob, I pushed against the huge oak door. I was expecting creaking hinges to add to the suspense but it swung silently open. The room was just white, square, with no windows. It had white moulded seats and in the center was a tiny water fountain, white of course. An elegantly dressed old man sat opposite leaning on his walking stick. He nodded and smiled to me as I glanced round and did the thing we all do in waiting rooms….found the seat furthest away from everyone else and sat down. The old man felt at his blazer pocket and produced a silver watch on a chain. He flicked it open and held it to his ear, then raised his eyebrows and chuckled.

“It’s stopped.” He said. Leaning on his stick, he slowly straightened up and crossed the room, plonking himself on the seat next to me. As he approached I got the sense we had met before, but then all old people look a bit the same with their white hair and worn skin.

“It’s never missed a beat in its life this old thing and now it’s stopped ticking!” He showed me the old watch then offered out his hand.

“I’m Marcus.” His tone was friendly, slow and considered.

“Marcus?” I said, taking his hand. Same as me! He squeezed just a little too hard. So I equaled it. He smiled.

“So Marcus…..this is heavens waiting room, so I believe…..What exactly do you think we’re waiting for?”

“I have no idea what’s going on” I replied…. “Do you know how we got here?”

He smiled a wise old smile.

“Marcus……I’m 92 years old, I’ve had a good long life. I’ve seen lots of crazy things, but I have no idea how we got here, or what happens next. I remember going to bed last night….That’s it. Next thing you know that sweet young girl is flicking through bits of paper on her clipboard and leading me here to wait. She spoke so fast I didn’t even catch her name.” He slipped the watch back in his pocket and shut his eyes. “I’m too tired for all this Marcus, I just want to sleep. Wake me if anything happens. Can I count on you to do that?”

I looked at his face, every line, every wrinkle, carried the story of his life.

“Sure, you can count on me.”

The buzzing in my head had all but stopped, so I closed my eyes and rested my head back in the chair. The sound of the trickling fountain became hypnotic. Flashes of memory began to appear. Getting dressed for work. Saying goodbye to my family. Putting on my cycle helmet. Screeching tyres. Blood stained tarmac. Sirens. Then nothing.

Tap,tap,tap,tap,tap.

I opened my eyes to see Ruby standing in front of me impatiently tapping her pen on her clipboard.

“Ok gentlemen it’s time to make a decision. You have a choice to make. It’s not a choice everyone gets to make, but you two, it seems, are on the good list. Well done you! I won’t bore you with how this works.” She turned to the old man. “Your dead body is laying undisturbed in your bed. In a few minutes your next door neighbour notices you haven’t opened your curtains this morning and raises the alarm. Then it really is curtains for you.” She flicked over the page on her clipboard and continued.

“And you Marcus, right now you’re lying on the street with three paramedics taking it in turns to give you CPR. In a couple of minutes they will all agree there’s no hope for you and stop……I won’t drag this out, you need to decide right now if you want to stay here or go back and carry on living.”

The old man spoke slowly but without hesitation. His voice a little croaky.

“Young lady, is there any chance that I could see my dear wife Emma again if I stay here? I’ve missed her so much.”

His words bounced from the white walls of the waiting room, before punching me in the stomach. In that moment I knew I’d seen his face before, many times.

Ruby flicked through her sheets of paper, a smile creeping onto her mouth.

“Yes Marcus, She’s waiting outside in the corridor.”

He let out a small noise from somewhere deep inside him, but said nothing. Reaching inside his blazer he produced a neatly folded white handkerchief. He dabbed at his old eyes.

“Thank you young lady. I’d like to stay here. I’d like to see my dear Emma.”

Ruby ticked the form in front of her and turned to me.

“And you Marcus?”

“Send me back…..I want to go back.”……I turned to the old man and grabbed his hands. I could feel tears pushing at my eyes. “I want to live a good long life…I want to see lots of crazy thing’s….I want to see my wife and kids again…..I want to go back.” Ruby smiled and ticked her form. The room fell into pitch darkness…I clutched the old man’s hands tightly.

“Marcus!....Marcus!”

I opened my eyes slowly, my head pounded and I could taste blood. A woman in a green shirt was leaning over me.

“Marcus, my names Ruby, I’m a paramedic, you’ve had an accident, but you’re going to be ok. We’re on our way to the hospital now.” She placed a mask over my mouth. “Must be your lucky day.” She said squeezing my arm.

I raised my blood stained hands so I could see them. I was still clutching them tightly together. I slowly opened them and a silver watch dropped out dangling on a chain. I cautiously held it to my ear……..it was ticking.