FREEDOM

Freedom

7 years old

Thanksgiving is stupid with the tight shirts, with all the buttons, and the ugly sweater with no sleeves and those ugly lines. My mom makes me wear it even though Chris makes fun of me. “

You dress for the person you want to be not the person you are.” What does that even mean 

20 years old

“Taylor please I just need to stay on your couch for two weeks.” Chris cried into the phone. 

As a child he was the bane of my existence. Now every time he fell flat on his ass I was the first person he called. I could not stand his constant complaints about how my “healthy” food was flavorless, or that I did not buy real milk in reference to my almond milk, or my house smelled too sweet because of the candles I lit, and my bathroom was uncomfortable because of the black décor. The words of my mother rang in my head “No matter what, they are family and family supports each other.”

            “No problem Chris,” I said trying to manifest my best self. 

“Just two weeks.” I added in even though I knew that it would probably be longer 

10 years old.

            “You Ballet prissy sis.” Fist hit me repeatedly as Chris hit me so many times I lost count.

            “Chris!” I heard my aunt Sherry yell as she ran into the room with my mom. 

            “Are you okay Taylor?” he asked me as her face turned side to side as she looked at me all over. 

            “You should baby your children” Sherry said with a sneer as she looked on in disgust. 

            “It’s not babying your kids when you are assuring their safety.” My mom said not looking in aunt Sherry’s direction.

            My mom pulled me to my feet as she clearly gestured me to keep my head up. Behind the leers of both Chris and my aunt Sherry stood Angel with a teddy bear clutched to her chest as she too stood taller. 

21 years old

            I walked down the hallway of my job with shaky steps. It was my first time being called into the boss’s office. I was a hard worker and confident in the work I produced. When someone struggled. I took them under my wing to show them the ropes, and I was often commended on my work ethic and leaderships skills. This is why when my direct told me that the boss wanted me in the office asap my nerves gave in to the impulses of live wire. I

            Finally reaching the door I timidly knocked on the door and pulled my hand back quickly into my chest trying to prevent them from shaking. 

            “Enter.” A raspy voice called out. 

            I slowly pulled the door to me and stepped in. My eyes instantly drawn to his face as I took in his grimace, which surprising instantly transformed into a smile once his eyes fell to me. 

            “Taylor.” The fact that he knew my name surprised me. “Just the person I was looking for me.”

            His eager mood quickly had my mood shift to anticipation. 

            “I don’t like to beat around the bush. Amanda has put in her two week’s notice and we need to quickly fill her shift. We want you for that position.”

            “A promotion? What about Dan my direct?” I asked feeling like it was too good to be true 

            “You’re a good person.” His eyes sparkled as he assessed my geniuses. “Dan wants to move in another direction with his career. He actually suggested you which I feel is the right choice.”

15 years old

            Tears fell from my eyes as the casket lowered into the ground. My mom was gone. Why her? She was a single mom all her life who did her best to take care of me. I jumped as a hand fell to me shoulder. I turned to see my cousin Angel with a sad smile.

            “Thank you.” She said to me. 

            Her words confused me but before I could ask she threw in her rose and returned to her mom’s side. I looked to my aunt Sherry as she took Angel’s hand in her’s, she briefly looked at me nodding in acknowledgment and turned away. 

16 years old

Thanksgiving Day I dressed as mom has always taught me. I added a bow for the added aesthetic and walked out to my room. Chris turned to me as he walked out at the same time. He looked at my outfit and laughed. He ran ahead of me and fled down the stairs. I took a deep breath before I walked prepared myself to walk down the stairs. A familiar home that no longer is the home I once knew. When my mother died she left the house to my aunt. Before breast cancer took her life she wanted to make sure that I would be taken care of. Now my once empty home was filled with my aunt Sherry, her new husband, and her two kids Chris and Angel. 

“Wait until you see what Taylor has on.” I heard before I finished descending the stairs.

I walked into the dining room waiting for the response they all gave me. 

“What the Hell,” Melvin my aunt husband shouted. “First off this is not no Jazz party, second,” my aunt knocked into him avoiding eye contact with me. 

“Be nice Mel.” She said. 

30 years old

            I picked up my son and placed him on the bed.

            “How come we are not having thanksgiving here,” he asked 

            “I have family who you guys have yet to meet and unfortunately I waited until they were in trouble to go see them.”

            Just then his twin sister ran into the room half dressed. As she ran past me a second time, I grabbed her and threw her into the air as she laughed.

            “You are supposed to be dressed.” I said into her smiling face 

            She was the wild one of the two while her brother was calmer and more docile. strangely he reminded me of Chris’s personality forward and outgoing, while my daughter reminded me of Angel quiet and more observant. 

            I felt the awkwardness as we all sat around the table. Angel did a great job at distracting the kids asking them questions about what they liked and what they didn’t like. It was the first time she seen them since they were born, but it made me smile the way they took to her. My gazed looked at the way the buffet behind me lined with family photos most of Angel and Chris growing up, my mom was fairly acknowledge, but only photos of my youth seemed to be present. I picked up a picture of me in my ballet costume I smiled at the fond memories I had if being a good dancer. My hair sat neatly on top of my head in a bun and my tutu stood out as ai posed in a plie. 

            “After college you weren’t really around so all we have are these pictures of you.” She said in a sadden tone. 

            “I’m sorry.” I said truly apologetic

            “Hun get you son.” My wife Shannon pointed to our son who was putting his vegetables on his sisters plate.

            “Cameron” I reprimanded him. 

            “Sorry.” He said placing his head down. 

            “I thought daddy said you had a brother.” My daughter asked Angel 

            “Megan, mind yourself.” Shannon stated in embarrassment.

            “It’s okay.” She smiled at Shannon. “My brother made some really bad decisions and he has to learn a lesson. I tell you what though he would have really liked you.”

            Chris had gotten into some trouble trying to use counterfeit money. 

            I spotted my aunt reveal a small smile as she looked at my kids. Her non judgment response made me smile, which of course she turned in time to see.

            “Can I ask, did you guys adopt?” aunty Sherry asked 

            “No my daddy had us.” Megan stated proudly

            “We try to be open with our kids. shannon is trans as well these are our biological kids.” I stated waiting for reaction preparing to respond in a cordial way 

            “That’s good for you.” She placed her hand on mine. “Honestly.”

This is the first time I seen approval from her, it the first time I felt acknowledge by her at all and the changes I made in life.

She held eye contact with me sharing her geniuses and I felt the love that she has always been afraid to show me radiate from her. 

Angel caught my eye as I seen her smile brightly at out interaction. Just then the doorbell sounded and Angel sprinted to her feet. I looked at the buffet again and gazed at the rest of my youth pictures. I’m proud of who I was as well as who I am today. In my youth I dressed in dresses, crowns, and tutu’s because I felt this is what made my mom happy. When she caught me hoarding Chris’s clothes she pulled them out and laid them on the bed, “Dress for the person you want to be.” Angel walked in with a female beside her.

“This is Angie…My girlfriend.” She pulled Angie to her side grabbing her hand. 

My aunts face quickly shifted from shock to a smile, “Hello Angie.” 

Angel’s smile took over her face as she pulled Angie in the chair next to her. ‘Thank you’’ mouthed Angel. I nodded as my aunt turned to me. 

“Thank you.” She spoke out loud. 

I placed a hand on her shoulder and handed her an envelope. She opened it and her eyes instantly widened. 

“I can’t” she whispered to me. “You guys just bought a house.” 

“No matter what you are family and family supports each other.”

She smiled at me brightly, “Promise to come by next year.” she firmly grasped my hand in hers. 

“Every year.”

I think thanksgiving is my new favorite holiday.