Familiar interruptions

Feeling like a bomb disposal expert attempting to avert a loud explosion, I walked slowly into our living room and shut the door. My fear wasn’t that a bomb would explode, rather that our 7-year-old son would rise from his slumber being the light sleeper that he was. Since Oscar was a baby, I had asked friends and family to do the most revolting things like not flushing the toilet if he was asleep in the neighbouring room. I lived in fear that the slightest noise would trigger an eruption not dissimilar to that seen on many a volcanic island. 

Callum turned his head as he saw me enter the room. He has a look of guilt that I find comes from men when they have been watching something totally inappropriate like a high school saga with scantily clad young girls. I also suspected by the almost empty bottle of wine, that Callum had got stuck into his latest order of wine from the wine society.

With a slight slurgh he said ‘Would you like a glass of the xinomavro?’

‘Oh yes fill her up.’

Callum headed to the kitchen and brought back my favourite wine glass. It was the little gestures that made her feel special after twenty years.

‘Ooh steady,’ as he poured me a ‘McCaffrey unit’. You’ll get me drunk!’

‘You only need to sniff it and you’re pissed’

‘Ha!’

‘I’ve found the original presumed innocent film on this site. It’s so much better with Greta Scacchi. She’s so much hotter than the girl in the Jake Gyllenhaal reboot.’

‘I just never believe the chemistry with these modern remakes. Right how long is this one? Why can’t everything have the dialogue of love story? Will I be able to stay awake to the end?!’

‘Probably not.’

‘It’s all the interruption.’

‘Oh I’m sorry for wanting to want to speak to my wife’

‘It is the same premise as the tv show?’

‘Harrison ford is a lawyer at the same firm as Greta Scacchi and I’m not going to give any spoilers. You’ll just have to watch.’

‘Ok. My Goodness Harrison is so handsome and his wife is really attractive too. Why would he cheat on her?’

‘Wait till you see Greta. Hoohah.’

‘Was that your Al Pacino impression?’

‘Hoo ha’

‘That’s amazing.’

Ping.

‘Ooh I just got a text. It’s from you know who?’

‘Oh your sister.’

‘Yep. Hey Rach, how was your day? What are you doing this weekend? How’s my gorgeous Oski?’

‘Just ignore her. You can reply tomorrow.’

‘Yes I can’t be bothered to reply now. I do hate WhatsApp. If people want a proper conversation, pick up the phone.’

‘You sound ancient.’

‘I feel ancient.’ 

Ping.

‘Are you free for a catch up?’

‘Oh here we go…the real reason for the message…something about her!’

‘Put your phone down, you can speak tomorrow.’

‘Look it’s getting to the bit where they first met.’

‘Goodness Greta is very beautiful.’

‘She really is. What do you think your sister wants to say? You haven’t spoken in weeks.’

‘I know I just need a bit of distance. She’s so draining, and I didn’t appreciate her last text where she threatened to come over and take back oskis birthday present because he apparently told her he didn’t like it. How fucking mental.’

‘Shall we carry on with the film?’

‘Yes sorry, top up?’

‘I thought you were told me not to give you more than 2?’

‘I know but I feel I need another.’

‘Look don’t worry about your sister. We’ve been over this a million times before. She’ll never change especially as she knows your ma and pa will bail her out no matter what she does.’

‘So true. James is always asking me if we had the same childhood or if something dramatic happened during hers.’

‘I thought you all had this rather idyllic childhood 5 minutes from the beach and then your parents worked like buggery to send you to private schools.’

‘Yep, that was pretty much it. I do think mum and dad were harder on Jim and I. She found it very hard to take any ounce of criticism growing up.’

‘Well and we’ve witnessed on countless occasions she’s good at dishing it out but not receiving anything back. Anyway, enough with family saga this evening. It’s getting to a good flash back in a sec where you see Greta naked.’

‘Do you think they actually did it?’

‘Probably, I mean you would, wouldn’t you?’

‘Oh Callum.’

‘What!’

‘Strange to think they have intimacy coordinators now? I mean it’s just acting.’

‘What are you doing now?’

‘Just texting Jim.’

‘Why?’

‘I’m asking him if she’s messaged him to have a chat.’

‘Go on then. I’ll pause the film as this is a crucial flashback.’

‘Ok. Done.’

‘Has he replied?’

‘Yep he’s replying now.’

‘Not spoken to her for ages. She’s so rude to Jess so can’t be bothered. What did she say? There are a few possibilities: a) she’s getting married to tosser b) she’s preggers C) something else’

‘Ever the insight from him’

‘Just put your phone away and watch…look it’s getting to another good bit with Greta spreading her legs…but is it with Harrison….ooh’

‘Ooh another suspect’

‘Do you know what. I’m bored of all this texting. If she’s got something to say, she can come over and say it. Ok if she’s comes for coffee on Sunday.’

‘Fine, now put your phone away.’

‘Ok.’

*****

‘Jim’s just sent a text asking me to let him know how it goes. I feel a bit nervous.’

‘Don’t be nervous. She’ll just do the usual and talk about herself and then hopefully bugger off.’

Ding dong

‘Morning, how are you?’

‘Yes, fine thanks! Lovely to see you each.’

‘You too’

‘Aunty Mel.’

‘Oh hello my darling. Oh I love you. I haven’t seen you for ages. Love you.’

‘Would you like a coffee?’

‘Ooh yes please just a small one if ok?’

‘Of course,’ 

‘Morning’ 

‘Oh morning Callum how are you?’

‘Good thanks. I’ll do these coffees if you two want to head out to the garden.’

‘Oh wow the garden looks amazing. Goodness.’

‘I know Callum has a good eye for design’

‘How’s the shop?’

‘Yea really good. I had a chap in the other day that lived where you lived in Sussex.’

‘Oh really? Bullshit detector on. ‘What was his name?’

‘Oh I don’t know. He said he used to go The Bell and I said you had lived there.’

‘Oh cool. How’s Sean?’

‘He’s good thanks.’

 Doubt it, he’s unemployed, seems to hate spending time with his kids and has absolutely no joy.

‘Oh good.’

‘I have some news.’

‘Oh yes.’

‘I’m pregnant’

‘Goodness. Are you pleased?’

‘Yes I am. ‘

‘Oh good well congratulations’

‘Thanks. I’ve been keeping it quiet as I’ve had a few miscarriages but this one seems to be going well. I’m going to find out what style it is in a few weeks.’

‘Style? You mean the sex?’

‘Yea.’

‘Coffee and a latte’

‘Oh thanks Callum’

‘Can I let Callum know?’

‘Yes of course’

‘Mel has some news. She’s pregnant’

‘Oh wow.’

‘How have mum and dad reacted?’

‘Yea they’re really happy.’ Doubt it, they’re now going to have to look after a baby in their retirement. 

‘Well as Callum said to me with oski it’s a journey so you just have to relax and what will be will be.’

‘Yea exactly’. 

‘Thanks for the coffee. I’ve got to get back to Sean. He’s oldest son is over so I’ve been avoiding going back but I may need to give them ideas of what to do for the day.’

‘Ok well thanks for coming.’

****

‘Right. Well I didn’t see that coming.’

‘Nope! ‘

‘How did you react when she told you? I think I just said ‘oh right’

It’s like Tom used to say in Sussex ‘children having children.’