Whittaker's Church

The crunching of leaves alerted me to her presence.

“Kai,” she said.

I didn’t want to turn. Didn’t want to face her.

“Are you going to say something?”

I turned, bracing myself. There she was, staring at me, shoulders heaving like she’d run all the way out here.

“Hey, Leo. You wanted to see me?”

I mean obviously, otherwise she wouldn’t be out here.

She cocked her head, almost like she couldn’t believe me. “Seriously? Yes, I wanted to see you. I wanted to know why Johan told me I was supposed to submit my badge.”

How to go about this…

I crossed my arms, attempting to look calm while I focused on anything but her face. “Yes. You are being relieved of your duties as First Sniper.”

She scoffed. “Cut the bullshit, Kai.”

“This is no bullshit, Leo. Also, I am your commander and I do not appreciate your tone.” I stared at her now, though the fury in her brown eyes made me instantly regret it. I turned to the leaves again but I could feel her eyes on me, waiting for me to say something else.

She sighed. “If this is about the last mission, I already volunteered to go on the next sortie myself. A request which you declined, by the way.”

“You missed the mark when we had the chance, Leo. You going back wouldn’t be wise especially since-”

“I probably wouldn’t hit the mark the second time anyways? Wow, that’s a low blow.”

She was right. Leo was one of the best snipers I knew, had been the top prospect at the Complex. She would’ve been drafted to another Sector to be on the front lines, but for corporate reasons that noone agreed to tell me when they dropped a bratty 17 year old at my office door, she wasn’t qualified.

She was, however, more than qualified to have zero respect for me, but at least she had the courtesy to only do so in private.

“Well, you said so, not me. It’s not that, though.” I’d practiced this statement a lot of times, yet here I was, taking pauses here and then, trying my best not to fumble my lines. The weather barely helped, the grey clouds looking at me as if saying things are not going to go so great today, Kai. The wind whipped through the field and Leo hugged her sides, probably just realizing that she had run out in nothing but a flimsy shirt and shorts. I considered giving her my overcoat, but I wasn’t about to risk my comfort for someone who was going to talk my ear off for the next forever.

“Are you going to tell me what it is, or are you happy to just watch me freeze to death first?”

I jumped, realizing that I’d been staring. Leo was smirking at me, and I resisted the urge to scowl. She was making it already harder than it was supposed to be.

“You are hard to manage, Leo. Anybody ever told you that?”

“Only all the instructors at the Complex.”

“Wonderful. Well, I have a war effort to lead, and I can’t have a sniper who won’t listen to commands.”

She looked at me, eyebrows raised. She gestured with her hand like what commands?

Guess I’ll have to say it, then.

“Do you remember this place?” I asked, waving my hand around.

She shrugged, and then her eyes landed on something behind me and she froze. I knew what she saw already even without turning.

Whittaker’s Church. The site of the First Interaction, when a group of troopers had been ambushed by rebel forces and forced to retreat into the church. The rebels had tried and failed to gain access to the church, but they had a Firebringer with them, so they opted to burn it all down instead. The carcass still loomed in the background, a stark contrast to the lush grassland that had grown around it since its abandonment.

“Whittaker’s Church? Seriously?” She frowned. “That was ages ago.”

I remembered the night after the incident. She’d been silent all day, staring off into space like she’d seen a ghost. Then all of a sudden that night she was at my door, shoulders quaking, eyes bloodshot. She’d spent the night in my arms for an entire week after that. Eyebrows were raised, but given that she was the youngest in the division many interpreted it as the captain being a caring sister figure. She had only been a teenager then, hadn’t been exposed to the brutality of the war beyond simulations and maybe a handful of tucked-away childhood trauma. For a while after the incident she’d been too spooked to shoot, some days unable to even pick up a gun.

“I know. But-”

“I’m fine, Kai.” She looked at me. “Do you think I’m not?”

I wracked my brain, unsure of what to say. “You’re the best sniper we have. Despite what happened those years ago, you proved you could still bounce back…”

“But what?”

I remembered the last report I had received the last time Leo had gone on an expedition. Kravitz had entered my office the day after, clutching the logger in his hand like he wanted to break it. The man had a short temper, but when he got closer he didn’t look angry.

He looked troubled.

I set aside the board I was inspecting. “What’s the matter, Kravitz?”

He held out the logger. “There’s something you need to see.”

I pursed my lips and looked her straight in the face, trying to be as calm as possible. “Did something happen at Emyr’s Lake, Leo?”

If she was taken aback by the question, it only lasted a few seconds before she scoffed. “Emyr’s Lake? Really?”

“Did something happen, or not?” I said, still trying to keep my voice calm.

“So I missed a shot. Big deal, everybody misses once in a while.”

I remembered the message that had flashed on the holo-screen clearly:

Trooper #314 showed a rare error in judgment.

“Except you didn’t miss, did you?” I watched her eyebrows knit together like she couldn’t understand what I was saying. “You were within range, Leo. The troopers with you could attest to that. You never miss a shot from within range. Not even the average sniper would’ve missed a target that large. Which leads me to either question your mental fortitude-” she rolled her eyes at this “-or your judgment.”

She was silent for a while, then: “There were children there, Kai. I wasn’t going to shoot the wagon.”

“They were soldiers, just like you were.”

Just like I was.

“Well, I wasn’t going to do it. Not the children.”

I laughed, but it was hollow and bitter. “Oh wow, suddenly you get your moral compass working? We’re in a war, Leo.”

She said nothing, just tugged at her shirt. Of course she’d stay silent.

“It’s bad enough that we have no other decent sniper, but I can’t have you picking and choosing when you’re going to do your fucking job!”

“I’m not going to murder children, Kai!” She said.

I waved my hand around, at the grassland, the ruined church. “Look around you, Leo! That church was brought down by a Firebringer who was 13 years old. Thirteen. That wagon you refused to take out because you were suddenly feeling moral? It was carrying a dozen of them. Do you think they’re all going to college somewhere? We had one shot to solve a lot of our problems and you let them slip right through your fingers.”

“There’ll be better opportunities,” she said, though she didn’t even seem bothered. “Besides, they most definitely had someone who was skilled with firepower as a precaution. My shot could’ve blown our cover and gotten us all killed.” She looked at me now, realization dawning on her. “But you knew that, didn’t you?”

“It was a gamble, Leo. Like half of the other choices I’ve had to make throughout this entire campaign.” I could feel my anger building up. “I can’t have you around if you’re only going to jeopardize the war effort.”

She looked like I’d slapped her across the face. “It was one fucking shot, Kai. Why are you acting like this is such a big deal? How are we even sure it wasn’t just another false flag like the one at Hym’s Hill? Unless that’s not what this is really about, is it?”

“You tell me,” I said, crossing my arms. I could feel my jaw muscles tense, and the last thing I wanted was to do something I would regret. “Tell me what you think this is about, Leo.”

She scowled at me. “I think it’s about you not wanting to be around your mentally unstable girlfriend anymore.”

“What?”

“You think you’re babysitting me,” she went on, counting off her fingers. “Kenfort, Kanen, Sector D-145. Every time there was something that went wrong you always said it was fine, but I could feel your stares. You got just a bit more unbearable each time, your temper got shorter, and it was like I was walking on eggshells the entire time with you. Well, this is the last straw, right? Now I can’t even shoot, so I guess I’m no use to you anymore aside from a good fuck which you can get from someone else right?” She threw her hands up, the world’s fakest grin plastered on her face.

I stared at her, looking for what to say. “You’re wrong, Leo.”

“Am I, though? Lately you’ve become so unbearable and it’s like nothing I ever do is good enough for you.”

Oh, fuck this.

“Well, this isn’t about me and you, Leo! I’m still your commander, and lately what you’ve been doing hasn’t been good for the campaign so of course it hasn’t been good for me either!”

We stared at each other, breathing heavily, the anger radiating off us like a fire, burning away everything we’d ever had, leaving only a chasm in its wake. The clouds had darkened now, and the leaves were whirling up in the air around us.

Leo reached into her pocket and retrieved an object. It was her trooper’s badge. I watched as she turned, pulled her arm back, and threw it far off into the distant fields.

“Anything to say?” I said.

“None at all, Commander.” She spat the last word out, one last sarcastic remark. Then she turned and walked away, her boots crunching more leaves. The bridge had been completely burnt now, and as she went further away, the fallen leaves in her wake resembled ashes.