June 20th

Have you ever lived a day that stretched on past the usual twenty-four hours? I'm not talking about one of those days at work that seem to last forever. No. I'm talking about a day that goes on for weeks, months, and even a full rotation around the sun. Oh, it's impossible? Obviously you must not remember June 20th. At least, not the June 20th that I just lived through.

It began innocently enough. It was a Sunday this year, and also fell on Father's Day... not that that detail matters too terribly for the sake of this story, just a pointless fact. Typically the summer solstice has little say so in my daily life. I never would have thought about it if it hadn't been mentioned on the morning news that we may just get a little extra sunlight today. Whatever. I planned on spending the majority of my Sunday inside, anyway.

Truth be told, I had no use with interaction today. Mornings were the hardest, usually the first hour or two until I was fully awake. I had another dream of him again. It happens every single night... and I am just exhausted. I suppose my subconscious enjoys torturing me with hypotheticals and sweet nonsense. No matter what I do, no matter what I think before finally allowing myself to drift off, I am once again transported into that world where even the worst of days are made lighter because I have him there, by my side.

It has happened nightly for nearly a month and a half, seemingly out of nowhere. I will wake up in the dreamworld, finding myself in a long-term relationship with a man that I've fallen head over heels in infatuation with in the real world. Only on this side it all feels... well, so real. We wake up and make coffee to be sipped together in a kitchen with dishes needing washed and a garbage can needing to be emptied. It is raining outside so he offers to give me a ride in his truck, which I jokingly refuse because I'm sure it would probably fall apart before reaching our destination. Apparently in this world we are engaged because once in a while amidst the random chatterings we discuss wedding plans. We talk about making my niece the flower girl and his niece the ring bearer. We argue over the venue and he voices his disgust with wearing a tux. At the end of each day we either sit together on the front porch talking softly while watching the stars, or we dance in the kitchen to anime intros while making cheese omelettes at midnight. Then we fall asleep side by side... and I wake up in the real world alone.

They say a dream like this every once in a while is natural. But nightly and with such vivid detail? I knew better. And it was slowly making living in the real world a sad chore. Why on earth would I want to participate in this place when I could be back in the other world with literally the man of my dreams?

Friends and family have noticed that I've become reclusive. I leave their texts on read and the calls go unanswered. Is it so bad to want to process things alone? Sometimes I just wish that I could just be forgotten, just for a little while. That way I can process this entire ordeal and make sense of it. And that was exactly my plan for the day - to get to the bottom of these dreams.

Except, well, I didn't get the chance.

I heard my front door lock click and I nearly jumped out of my skin as my door opened. The only person with a key was my brother, and he always knocked before he would ever use it. I watched from my kitchen, shaking as a tall figure stepped into the living room. The door closed and the intruder dropped the keys on the table. I listened as he took his shoes off. That was a strange thing for an intruder to do.

I finally gathered the courage to step into the hall and my stomach rolled into a tight knot when the sunlight streamed through the window illuminated his face. It was him. Standing in my living room, wearing anime-themed socks and holding a box of what looked like donuts. He smiled at me and did a clumsy twirl, as if he were dancing with the box.

"Happy Father's Day! They're raspberry filled. Aren't those your dad's favorite?" he asked. I was frozen. This... this can't be real.

"W-what are you doing here?" I breathed. I watched his smile fade after a moment, as if he were truly confused.

"Well... last time I checked, I live here," he chuckled nervously.

"No. No you don't."

"Hon, are you okay? Your face... it's really pale." He set the box down on the coffee table and approached me. I backed away.

"What's gotten into you? I told you I was going to grab the donuts and be right back," he said softly and didn't move. I could feel my heart thudding, sweat pouring. This was impossible!

"I'm not dreaming. What are you doing here?"

"Of course you're not dreaming. It's nearly eleven. Is your blood sugar okay? Come on and sit down, you really aren't looking too good," he said and tried moving toward me again.

"You - you can't be real! Why are you here?" I could feel the tears, the tightness in my throat, as I let him take my hands and gently pull me into the living room to the couch. I just knew that I was awake! I had to be awake...

"I don't know what's going on, but talk to me. Why do you keep saying that? I must have moved in a year and a half ago. You know this... right?"

"No! This has to be another weird dream! We aren't together in real life. You're... you are with somebody else." I didn't care anymore. I let the tears fall. Who cared at this point whether I looked crazy?

"Really? You think I'm with someone else? Who else would I be with?" I heard him chuckle.

"Stop making fun of me. Those were just dreams. You'd never actually date someone like me. You would rather be with that cute blonde..."

He chuckled again.

"Writers and their wild imaginations. Honey, you know we aren't dating, right?"

I fixed my sight on his face, with his stupid, perfect grin. He nodded down and took my hand.

Sitting there, on my left ring finger, was the brightest fire opal set in rose gold. I had to force myself to breathe again.

"We are engaged. I'd say that's a little more than just dating, right?" he asked.

"Did I ever wake up? Or... is this just a dream in a dream?" I asked out loud. He stretched and shrugged.

"I don't know, but if this was a dream, wouldn't we just be married by now? Maybe dream that my truck is fixed. That would help me out a little, you know," he laughed and patted my leg before standing.

"Now come on - I want to help your dad eat these before they get soggy!"

So, the day went on. We went to my parents' house together. My brother and his family were there by the time we arrived. We shared the donuts and they ordered pizza. We played board games and talked about politics and theater going-ons in the community. It was all... normal. It was a perfect mesh of reality and dream. Somehow I had transplanted my dream man into the real world. But, I knew better. This simply had to be a continued dream. He couldn't really be here.

But the day continued. After the party we decided to take a walk around the trail at Spring Hill. The weather was glorious: a warm summer breeze with just enough cloud coverage to make it enjoyable. Soon enough, I finally let myself calm down.

"Do you promise that you are really here?" I asked. It was a silly request, I admit. But something inside of me just needed to hear his answer. I watched him raise his eyebrow and shake his head.

"You have been acting really weird today, you know that?"

"Answer me! Are you actually here right now?" I demanded. He rolled his eyes and turned to face me.

"I promise you that I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere. This time next month we will be married and even then I won't be going anywhere. Is that why you've been acting this way? Are you afraid I'm going to run off?"

I thought about his words. Could that really be it? What if... what if this entire time I have been mistaken? What if reality was really the time spent with him, and the sad world without him was my dreamland? Perhaps dreams of being alone was my brain's way of attempting to overcome my insecurities of marrying the man of my dreams and somehow... somehow I had allowed myself to confuse reality? Lord knows I will always feel some extent of insecurity by marrying him after my own extensive traumatic past. This just might have been my own way of attempting to protect myself from repressed issues.

I took his hand and held it tight. I could feel his callouses and heat. He was real. This was real.

"Don't answer that. I know the truth. Sorry... I guess I'm just still struggling a little," I declared. Finally, I felt comfortable again. Just like in every dream before. Well, not a dream. It would be a challenge to remember that life could truly be this perfect.

That night, we talked more about the song choices for the wedding. Our friend would play a beloved classic on the violin as I walk down the aisle. My brother would be my Maid of Honor and his brother would be his Best Man. I giggled at what he wanted to include on the menu. It was a relaxing evening and when we finally went to bed, I felt normal once again.

Waking up the next morning was slow and expected. I washed my face, combed my hair, swallowed my multi-vitamin with lukewarm water, and turned on my laptop to begin my long day of taking calls for work. Of course he did not wake up next to me. My left ring finger was bare.

It was Monday. It was June 21st. The day after the longest day of the year.